Star Trek Into JJ Abrams’ Butthole

I don’t like getting this nitpicky and nerdy, but it’s an involuntary state brought on by a filmmaker’s poor decisions. ST Into Darkness is fine as a garden-variety action flick. It was pretty. It had great action sequences. It just wasn’t a Star Trek movie. Star Trek movies have three things: sense, heart, and exploration. This had none of those.

Star Trek 700: The Corbomite Maneuver

Introducing the Kirk Shirtlessness Principle: Kirk’s level of shirtlessness is inversely proportional to the episode’s level of action/adventure (times its weight in cheese). Also, Clint Howard.

Books: Redshirts

On the Cheese Rating Scale, Redshirts is grass-fed sharp white cheddar. You think you know what to expect, but there’s a surprising complexity there. Also melts well on sandwiches.

You Can’t Put a Woman in Charge of a Spaceship

A female captain in a notoriously male-dominated universe, Janeway was a risk for Star Trek and one I don’t know if they’d take again. But from a purely selfish standpoint, as a fan of sci-fi and strong female characters, I’m glad they did.

Star Trek 700: Mudd’s Women

With self-confidence, you too can win the heart of a surly space yokel and live on a barren planet, playing solitaire and nagging him about washing pans.

Star Trek 700: The Enemy Within

The Yeoman Rand Sexual Harassment Count is officially ON. She’s harassed in the hallways anytime she goes anywhere. She got sexually assaulted by Charlie X and Bad Kirk. Janice should be issued a phaser set to kill.