Unable to get Ronald Reagan’s endorsement from beyond the grave, the GOP candidates have settled for invoking the late president’s name as often as possible, in the hopes that, if said enough times at the right cadence, President Reagan will rise from the dead and save the country by bringing back trickle-down economics and the [...]

Hillary Clinton attempted to fund a Woodstock museum through an earmark on a health and labor spending bill, then left her partner on the project, Senator Chuck Schumer, alone in Congress to defend it against GOP squares who are terrified that long-haired hippies might still take over the country and institute flag burning and weed [...]

Sam Brownback announced today that he is dropping out of the scramble for the Republican presidential nomination. Now we’ll never know who is his favorite superhero. Brownback never responded to the Geek Survey, but looking at his MySpace page, he does list Star Wars as a favorite movie and Lord of the Rings as a [...]

Turns out Dick Cheney is Barack Obama’s father’s brother’s nephew’s cousin’s former roommate. When asked what that makes the two politicians, Cheney spat, “Absolutely nothing! Which you are about to become.” Related Stuff:

Hillary Clinton faced down that gauntlet of American femininity yesterday morning: she was a guest on The View, where she said that running for president is different for bearers of boobs. Related Stuff:

Rudy Giuliani will protect the United States from an alien invasion. Related Stuff:

Not every politician offers the same level of reliability as Tom Tancredo. On a slow news day, I can always count on him to have said something crazy. He wants to give border states back to Mexico. Related Stuff:

On the heels of Al Gore’s Nobel Prize win, the Democratic candidates issued nearly identical statements on the former Vice President’s awesomeness while silently begging, “Please don’t run! Please don’t run! Please don’t run!” Related Stuff: