Game of Thrones: The Lion and The Rose

Fire Bad

Sorry, but any god who demands the burning of people is an a$$h0le.

That’s the trouble with appointing human spokespeople for gods: people can canonize all of their perversions with no one to stop them. My problem with Stannis and Melisandre burning people at the stake is the same problem I have with the Spanish Inquisition and any expression of religion that advocates the suffering of others as a means of salvation: it’s effed up and wrong.

The Lord of Light vs. The Lord of Not Light

Melisandre says that there are only two gods, the Lord of Light and the Other Guy. The god of darkness and fear. If the Lord of Light is the god of love and all things nice and still likes to have people burned at the stake, how horrible is that other god?

Melisandre: Serving Who She Thinks She Serves?

Given that her god demands death and human candles, can we really call Melisandre’s Lord of Light the God of Love? When the night is dark and full of terrors, it seems counterintuitive to bloody burn people at the stake. Yeah, it creates light. but, it creates light out of fear and suffering. WHICH IS WHAT THE OTHER GOD DOES.

Jaime and Brienne FOREVER

I haven’t been moved to write fanfic until now. I want SO BADLY for Jaime and Brienne to get married and have an awkward life with their giant, gangly children at Casterly Rock. It’s not about romance and love. It’s about those two being so effing perfect for each other as life partners. They already bicker like they’ve been married for twenty years.

Who Killed King Joffrey?

Well, there goes my fantasy about Arya Stark driving a sword through Joffrey’s heart.


Tyrion and Sansa are totally off the table. Tyrion is barely holding on to his dignity as Master of Coin and Sansa is too innocent to be part of this sort of plot. Which is a feat for her. To be innocent after everything she’s seen in King’s Landing. Poor girl still holds to what her septa taught her: a lady’s armor is her courtesy.

Olenna Tyrell is also off the table. The Tyrell’s have invested far too much money in King’s Landing and King Joffrey to murder him before an heir was conceived.  The Queen of Thorns specifically said, “What kind of monster murders the king at his wedding?” as if to say she was fully prepared to murder the king sometime later.

There are many, many other people at the wedding feast – and elsewhere around Westeros – who would benefit from King Joffrey’s death. But, let’s look at the evidence.

Clearly, the instrument of Joffrey’s demise was the wine, which leaves us with either the wine itself or the cup from which he drank. The cup passed from his hands to the ground to anyone who could reach under the table to Sansa to Tyrion to Joffrey to Margaery and back to Joffrey. The wine carafe was only poured once and it originated at the table with Tywin and Cersei Lannister.

Tywin Lannister is also off the table. The only thing Tywin cares about is family legacy and, even though Joffrey is a known monster, Tywin feels that he’s a monster who can be controlled. Above all, Joffrey is a Lannister. Tyrion is still alive after all this time because, even though Tywin is personally disgraced and ashamed of him, the Imp is still a Lannister. Tywin would never murder someone who might be a Lannister.

After much consideration, I’m announcing my prediction:

Cersei Lannister Murdered The King. 

Cersei is the only one who directly benefits from King Joffrey’s death beyond base revenge and she has every reason to do it. Cersei unequivocally stated that she would not only NOT marry Loras Tyrell, but that she wasn’t a brood mare. She’s made it known that she wants to contribute to her family’s legacy beyond producing more blonde children.

Additionally, Oberyn Martell made much of Cersei losing her position as Queen Regent. With Joffrey dead, with Tommen installed as King, she can continue as Queen Regent for several more years at least.

So, that happened. I’d hoped Joffrey would justly suffer more as he was dying, but Westeros isn’t a just place. I’ll take what I can get.

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