Heroes Cancelled: Memories, Missteps, and Cirrhosis

What happened to the Heroes heroes after Claire showed her ability to the world? Claire’s stunt was shown on cable news until Sarah Palin said something incoherent and Suri Cruise got a new outfit. So, about ten minutes. Then the footage made the rounds online where it was determined to be a viral campaign for a new superhero movie, which would undoubtably suck. The entire incident was promptly forgotten the moment a cat was caught being cute on video.

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Heroes: Brand New Day

By TrinityVixen – In case you missed my many, many, many slavish love notes to all things Robert Knepper, I’ll sum it up in two words: dirty sex. Imagine the most morally-affronting, dirty-wrong-bad thing that you still find crazy hot, and that’s Robert Knepper as psycho-carnie Samuel, the earth-shifter.

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Heroes: The Wall

By TrinityVixen – Between Bennet having been turned into a Company man by having his wife and unborn kid unceremoniously ‘fridged and his having originally hit on Sandra because Eric Roberts ordered him to, I’m not only not excited, I’m rocking in a corner, near unto tears. All so that Claire can find a reason not to trust her dad again. LA LA LA CAN’T HEAR YOU, HEROES.

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Heroes: The Art of Deception

By TrinityVixen – Glad to see that ol’ Petrelli survival instinct is still sharp as ever. We’ll catch up on the homoerotic reunion between Peter and Sylar next week. For all that Matt’s maneuver is stolen explicitly from both Neil Gaiman’s Sandman and Edgar Allen Poe’s “The Cask of Amontillado,” it was a genius little bit of thinking outside of the conventional box for this show.

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Heroes: Pass/Fail

By TrinityVixen – As with Vanessa’s story, there’s a moment where Claire recognizes that Sylar is a freakbag and tells him what is and is not ever going to happen for him. Then she pours her heart out to him (albeit unknowing) and doesn’t punish him for using her, for stealing her confidence and abusing her body. In fact, things are better than ever now that she can be Gretchen’s girlfriend. The fact that this development unites two sexist clichés—making women gay for ratings and the meme that abuse is good for you—is a new low for this show.

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Heroes: Decoded

I’ve deciphered the hidden meaning of Monday’s episode of Heroes, “Pass/Fail”.

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Heroes: Close to You

By TrinityVixen – Somebody obviously told the Heroes crew that this episode would be paired with the first of the new Chuck episodes—one ending with a cliffhanger, no less! They, wisely, if unfortunately for those of us watching this show, decided not to make “Close to You” at all essential to the overall story. Instead, we caught up with the least popular, least interesting characters and watched them run around and be silly or angsty as appropriate.

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Heroes: Upon This Rock/Let It Bleed

By TrinityVixen – Hulu, however useful it may be, is not your friends when you watch this show. Not only does it minimize the commercials, thus diminishing the advertising time (during which you might wrap your brain around the latest in bizarre developments) but it also doesn’t say exactly which of a two-part episode came first. I ended up watching the second hour first. Then again, it’s probably Heroes’ fault that I didn’t even notice I’d watched the episode out of order.

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Look at that! Heroes didn’t suck!

By Lisa Fary – Two whole hours without the show lagging or me getting bored? Good job, Heroes. You deserve a cookie. Mmmmm. Cookies.

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Heroes: The Fifth Stage

By TrinityVixen – For all that I waxed poetic about Nathan Petrelli’s last death, I confess I’ve nothing much to say about this most recent one. It wasn’t even Nathan dying, for one thing. It was “Nathan” wuss-ing out, claiming he was too tired to fight to control of Sylar’s body. How ungrateful can a guy be?

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Heroes: Thanksgiving

By TrinityVixen – I am thankful that this week’s episode, unlike the rest of the commercial world at large, is making an effort to recognize that there is an American holiday between Halloween and Christmas. Time to find out what all these heroes have to be thankful for—aside from, you know, having amazing super powers.

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Heroes: Brother’s Keeper

By TrinityVixen – Damn it, show, you had totally suckered me. I stopped approaching Monday evenings with dread a few weeks ago. Look at all that happened that didn’t make me want to stick my head in an oven! Peter got a ten-episode window in which to exercise the mass of cells above his neck. Samuel danced circles around everyone without losing his footing. We met non-obnoxious new folk—Emma, Edgar, Lydia. Mohinder was MIA, so science got a few weeks free from abuse. I should have known it wouldn’t last.

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Mohinder Suresh: Screwing Stuff Up Since 2006

By Lisa Fary – I think Mohinder Suresh is the $h!t catalyst. Everything goes to $h!t when he’s around.

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Heroes: Shadowboxing

By TrinityVixen – I like to play a game when watching this show. It’s called “You haven’t got the guts.” A situation will arise wherein a difficult decision—killing off a popular character, say—could be made. If the show makes the difficult decision, it wins, and I stay sober. If the show cops out, rewrites its own history or destroys characterizations to avoid making the difficult decision, it loses, and I take a drink.

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Heroes: Once Upon A Time in Texas

By TrinityVixen – Remember those string maps that Future!Hiro made to mark out where and when everything went to Hell? How come he couldn’t figure it out with all his careful planning, but our Hiro, brain-tumor and all, manages to change the past without royally screwing the future inside of two minutes? Even Samuel makes mistakes, which I wouldn’t previously have thought possible, so how does Hiro manage not to? Or has the future changed already and I just haven’t noticed because my own past has been rewritten? Does this mean One of Us, One of Them never existed? (Oh I hope, I hope, I hope!)

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Heroes: Tabula Rasa

By TrinityVixen – Okay, so there is some limit to Robert Knepper’s skills: he can’t read the hyperbolic opening monologue convincingly. To be fair, not even the unparalleled Patrick Stewart, with his dulcet British inflections, could possibly make any of this drivel easier to stomach. At least it’s not Mohinder talking about “science.” Samuel muses on identity, the search for truth, good versus evil—you know, the little things. He also name-drops the episode title. Color me surprised that “Tabula Rasa” hadn’t come up during one of the many do-overs of the last two volumes.

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Eulogy for Another Dead Black Guy on Heroes

By Lisa Fary – Oh, Captain Lubbock. We barely knew you. In true Heroes-verse minority fashion, you went too soon.

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Heroes: Hysterical Blindness

By TrinityVixen – A shame that such a poetical title is wasted on what has been and shall be known as the lesbian kiss episode. Doubly a shame that Ernie Hudson should be so little utilized in his guest-starring role. Couldn’t we have incorporated him into the Carnival? (He has been in one before.) I’ll miss him when he’s gone. They need to stop teasing me with these cameos. Perhaps he’ll show up later and be as awesome as Swoosie Kurtz turned out to be. Mustn’t get my hopes up. This show has been so cruel to hopes in the past.

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