Once Upon a Time: What Happened to Frederick

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Mary Margaret got a taste of the sexist rage toward adulterous women in this ep. David is the one who cheated and broke marriage vows, yet she’s the one getting accosted at work, getting snubbed by Old Granny from the diner, and getting her car tagged.

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Once Upon a Time: Skin Deep

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Since Valentine’s Day is tomorrow, Show gave us all the requisite VD stuff: disappointed women, clueless men, girls’ night out, roses. Show, though, manages to be subversive about it, questioning the expectations of love and EGADS!!!! putting forth the idea that maintaining love takes work.

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Once Upon a Time: Fruit of the Poisonous

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“Fruit of the Poisonous” was another episode with priceless moments that demand to be captioned, so let’s get started!

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Once Upon a Time: 7:15 AM

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This is the weakest episode of the series so far, but I AM a love hating twerp. They never show the most important parts, like cleaning up a puking lover. When your S.O. wipes the corn off your face, gives you a shot of Pepto, and puts you to bed, you know you’ve got something special.

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Once Upon a Time: True North

once upon a time dirty look

The Evil Queen is the perfect character for me to cosplay. She has an uncomfortable smile and murder eyes. She’s awkward around other people unless she’s in charge of them. She glares at everyone with unrestrained contempt. Best of all, one of her pastimes is frightening small children, which I not only admire, but aspire to do myself.

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Once Upon a Time: Desperate Souls

robert carlyle full monty

I have no interest whatsoever in Robert Carlyle unless he’s being sinister. The concerned dad from The Full Monty? Not interested. Rumpy with the power of the Dark One and nasty teeth? HOT.

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Once Upon a Time: The Heart is a Lonely Hunter

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So, there is a simple solution to the Storybrooke problem: everyone in town has to make out with Emma Swan.

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Once Upon a Time: The Shepherd

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King Midas has taken his golden touch his soldiers’ chain mail and, presumably, weapons. No wonder his soldiers couldn’t slay a dragon – they’re armed with the metal equivalent of Jell-O.

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Once Upon a Time: That Still Small Voice

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Maybe it was best for all of fairyland residents that the Evil Queen transported them to the really real realm of reality. That bunch was prone to super bad decisions in Fairytale Land.

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Once Upon a Time: The Price of Gold

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Rumpy, let’s run off together and start a fairy tale pawn shop stocked with hopes and dreams and heartfelt wails of “You can’t do this to me! I’m pretty!” It’ll be so romantic.

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Once Upon a Time: The Thing You Love Most

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I was sooooo happy to see Awesome Pam as Malificent because everything Awesome Pam touches immediately becomes more awesome. Also, it’s fitting that Awesome Pam plays the villainess (and that designation is purely subjective) who turns into an effing dragon.

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Once Upon a Time: Pilot

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I wanted to hate Once Upon a Time, but it just had to be charming. It had to win me over with its sweetness and heart. Damn sweetness and heart. I hate you.

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