Specifically, Rick Santorum (hello again, buddy) and Newt Gingrich (This is your first time here. Welcome! Help yourself to some bacon bits. Don’t eat them! Sprinkle them on yourself).
Full Story »Letters from a Concerned Zombie: Dear Mitt Romney
Mitt, your relentless trudge forward in the face of tremendous negativity is rather admirable from this Concerned Zombie’s perspective, but you’re embarrassing yourself now.
Full Story »Letters from a Concerned Zombie: Dear America
Congratulations on not going all Barbara on this odd-numbered election year. Remember, a healthy nation is a tasty nation.
Full Story »Letters from a Concerned Zombie: Dear Oakland PD
I thought we zombies would be the ones to make the United States look like a third world country on the news. You beat us to the punch, Oakland PD. Well done.
Full Story »Letters from A Concerned Zombie: Dear Rick Santorum
You have to shut up, now. How are you not embarrassed every time you open your pretty mouth?
Full Story »Letters from a Concerned Zombie: Dear Glenn Beck
Your vision for American education takes all the fun out of being a zombie. 8 out of 10 zombies prefer an educated food supply.
Full Story »Letters from a Concerned Zombie: Dear Tea Party Zombies
It is my pleasure to inform you that this Concerned Zombie does not support the game, Tea Party Zombies Must Die, and plans to boycott it.
Full Story »Letters From A Concerned Zombie: Dear Michele Bachmann
Here’s the thing, Michele. No one is going to blame me for ripping out my neighbor’s liver and making fois gras with it. My neighbor is a racist anti-Semite who puts her garbage out on the wrong day, anyway. But you, Michele. People might think you’re racist because of this pledge. And that’s way worse.
Full Story »Letters from A Concerned Zombie: Dear Andrew Breitbart
You’re being awarded with the elite status of Honorary Zombie.
You’re already a figurative zombie, a soulless shambling shell of a man, feeding an insatiable hunger for attention and washing it down with a mimosa mixed from Democratic tears. I literally am a festering sack of rotting humanity and you make me throw up a little in my mouth.
Full Story »Letters From A Concerned Zombie: Dear Congressman Rohrabacher
Certainly, Mr. Rohrabacher, you could have had an intern Google this for you. I’m a zombie, and even I have an intern. He’s an MBA from Colgate. I’m quite looking forward to eating him later, unless he can find some tossed out Boar’s Head cold cuts in our immediate vicinity.
Full Story »The CDC’s Tips for Zombie Preparedness
I can’t decide which is more gratifying: the Center for Disease Control outlining a zombie preparedness plan for American families, or the fact that my personal zombie preparedness plan is pretty much the same.
Full Story »Best Movie Zombies: And the Bub Goes To ….
There you have it — the first annual Bub Awards are over. The sun is rising, bellies are full of brains and it’s time for zombies to go back to sleep. If I’ve missed any feel free to add your own Bubs to the list and long
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Run for Your Lives: Zombie 5k
Run For Your Lives is a first-of-its-kind race in which runners will navigate a series of 12 obstacles over a 5K course, while avoiding ZOMBIES and making strategic choices to find the quickest route to the finish line.
Full Story »Germs R Us: The Zombification of America
I started to really observe crowds. After all, it seems that zombies hunt in packs, or droves. I started to play a game I used to: as a horror movie buff, I often broke people up into two categories – the ones who lived and the ones who got axed. I’m here to tell you how to stay on the side of the survivors: embrace germs.
Full Story »The Walking Dead Star: Emma Bell
I don’t know if they all received a memo of “Pretend to want to eat the actors at ALL times” or not, but they never left character. Even in the lunch tent. I would walk by and get so creeped out by their zombie advances, I would literally throw chicken legs in their direction.
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