Being Human: Of Mice and Wolfmen

Alternative title for this episode: “Anticlimaxes, and the SyFy writers who love them.” Last week, s*** got real. This week, band-aids, garlic tea (barf) and patchouli for everyone! This is not to say there aren’t some cool things going on, just that the immediate reversal on all the real and awful developments from last week (except in Sally’s plotline) is a step backwards. Progression is a thing for other shows.

So Aidan is fine, despite gargling blood all over himself at his lowest point. The secret to beating VampAIDS is a healthy dose of prophylactic werewolf blood. Apparently, Aidan is the only vampire who ever got so desperate (or unlucky) to feed on a werewolf. This is one of those “I don’t think they realize what they’re saying about the world they’ve built” moments. Because this merits further thought. Perhaps feeding on werewolves is taboo in addition to giving vampires indigestion? Or too dangerous, given that wolves occasionally travel in packs and are stronger than vampires at the full moon? It could simply be the fact that there have been mentions about how much werewolves stink to vampires has actually kept just about anyone not Aidan from feeding on them.

Doesn’t matter! We are not going to address it, and despite attempts by Aidan and Sally to work out how, exactly, dead things (like both of them) can have immune systems, we are definitely not going to explain it. Aidan is all betters, which means he can keep his promise to the Bubble Boy to turn him. Aidan even does that traitorous wretch, Blake, a solid by sharing the secret to his good health, so long as she promises to stay away from Bubble Boy permanently and that neither she nor anyone she knows tries to bleed Josh and/or Nora in order to gain herd immunity to VampAIDS. Blake finds a stake-happy werewolf stalker to take care of her werewolf blood needs, taking him down with the aid of fifteen or so other desperate vampires.

(Forgive me, but given that the flu is so prevalent, how the hell have this many vampires survived in the close confines of a city? Where everybody gets everyone else’s cold from poles on the T? From the way the show was talking, vampires were almost extinct. Fifteen vampires that just Blake knows in the city of Boston is not endangered species territory. Freakin’ hysterical vampires, always panicking over nothing.)

During his supposedly lethal sick period, Aidan gets an apology from Nora and a couple of her half-hearted attempts be less of a jerk to him, which, this being Nora, still come off as being dickish. For instance, after explicitly telling Aidan to leave her friend Kat alone, Nora brings Kat over so Aidan can have some time with her before he dies. Great! So he can be even more depressed about what he thinks he’s not going to have time left enough to enjoy. (Even Josh is like, “It should be the thought that counts, but, ew?”) She will probably regret this because when Aidan is better and back to looking like Sam Witwer without plague makeup, he marches down to Kat’s school to kiss her good. They haven’t been out on a date, she thinks he has a dangerous mobster problem if not a drug problem, and yet, smoochies. It’s okay, his dead wife told him in some fevered flashbacks, that he’s free to pursue other loves during his immortality. Okay, they’re just kissing now, but we’re supposed to believe they’re going to be in love? Timing on this show is weird.

Prime example of this is that it was the full moon last week, which is why Nora wasn’t near Josh to help him on his surprisingly effective rescue of Aidan. I guess that makes sense, since Liam turned, but wasn’t it just full moon one episode before that? Buh? Anyway, Nora wakes up and meets a hippie-dippie older werewolf fella named Darrien, who promptly invades her home to make her food and bring her and Josh inner peace about their wolves. Oh yeah, remember how devastated Josh was to be a werewolf last week? He’s over it now! He had about five seconds of guided meditation led by Darrien and now he’s seeing a wolf-like dog in his over-saturated hallucinations of a forest. It’s a cute “wolf” at least, and Josh says so, and now he’s good with his wolf. Problem solved!

And Sally has decided she should just die and stop trying to live as a freak, so I’m sure that will take care of itself, too. She eats a mouse and is on the verge of trading up along a pet store window when she almost lunges, teeth-first, at a kid coming out of the store with a goldfish. This, and RN’s story about how her formerly-dead boyfriend bit her hard enough to break skin the other day, inspires Sally to not to prolong her life as an undead. She confesses all to Aidan by episode’s end, saying it’s time to give up the (haha) ghost. Aidan competes strongly in the “worst friend ever” contest by not trying to talk her out of fatalistic resignation when she swore to do whatever she could to stop him dying of the previously inescapably fatal VampAIDS last week. (Of course, she didn’t actually do anything to help him, but she said all the right things. It’s the thought that counts. Right, Josh?)

Good call, because RN’s boyfriend graduates from love-bites to rushing to tear out her throat at the cliffhanger ending. This would be more thrilling/dramatic if I cared what happened to these, at best, tertiary characters. Instead, the leads are all super, thanks for asking, but oh no! These people who aren’t even worthy of having names in this recap are imperiled! I tried to care and fell asleep on my keyboard.

Next week: The other ghost who hitched a ride back to life with Sally is even more advanced at being a zombie now and he might eat Josh. If Aidan would also like to bite Josh, we could settle, once and for all, what happens to someone infected by a zombie, a werewolf, and a vampire.

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