Swamp Thing came out in 1980. I was a year old. By the time I was old enough to pay attention, it played frequently on syndicated sci-fi programs, and I loved it. My whole family did.
It showed up on NetFlix Streaming when I was looking for something to watch recently, so I decided to give it the old Passage of Time Test. It…made me laugh. Loudly and immediately.
This certainly wasn’t a movie created for high-def. I don’t think the film was even high quality for its day, and on my TV, it was downright blurry.
But, the opening swampland scenes are gorgeous, with cypress knees and Spanish moss everywhere. It turns out it was almost entirely filmed in and around Charleston, South Carolina, which has been my home for almost ten years. No wonder I liked it.
Once again, though, I was distracted by the casting choices of the early 80s. Were these people meant to be attractive? To be fair, some quick Wikipedia research reveals Adrienne Barbeau, who played Alice Cable, was a sex symbol of her time, but really? With that bad-perm-helmet-hair? Really?
The male actors weren’t much better. Ray Wise as the brilliant Dr. Alec Holland is vaguely handsome, I guess, but I’m starting to develop a new theory about people being more physically attractive these days. I’ll keep you posted on how it develops.
So, what’s the plot? Oh, it’s simple: a brainiac doctor creates a strange formula that blends plant and animal DNA, hoping to allow plants to flourish in harsher climes and to save the world from starvation. The evil, immortality-obsessed Anton Arcane directs a slightly-crazy paramilitary group to steal the formula. When their attack goes awry, the formula spills all over Dr. Holland, and Swamp Thing is born. He kicks ass, protecting his newfound dearest love, Alice Cable. Then Anton Arcane also mutates himself using a bastardized version of the formula, and a final battle ensues.
Sounds fun, right?
My favorite part of the movie has to be the main bad guy. He has, hands down, the Best Name Ever. Anton Arcane. Its fabulosity stems from the fact that Swamp Thing came out when the Russians were still our mortal enemies. This was years before Mr. Reagan told Mr. Gorbachev to tear down that wall. So we have Anton, clearly a Russian first name, and then a last name that means “mysterious” or “obscure.” So he’s a mysterious, obscure Russian bad guy. Perfect.
I also loved the battle sequences. They’re classic. Soldiers practically throwing bullets from their guns, whipping around the swamp in airboats, the Swamp Thing appearing from nowhere to Kill All The Bad Guys. Awesome.
But then we come to the pertinent question: Does Swamp Thing pass the Passage of Time test?
*giggles*
No. It really doesn’t. Blurry cinematography, bad sound, archaic pop-culture references, strange-looking sex symbols. None of it’s good.
But let me just tell you: I still love it. And I probably always will.
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Leah Rhyne is a Jersey girl who's lived in the South long enough to lose her accent, but not her attitude nor her love for Bon Jovi and the Boss. She's a full time software tester, wife, mom, and novelist, which makes life a little busy. In her "spare" time she enjoys running, yoga-ing, and playing fetch with her hound dog. 
My best friend and I had recently had a discussion about how the “hot” people in 70s and 80s films are really average looking. I think tha’t pretty awesome. Yay for the self esteem of teenage girls in the 70s and 80s! I still have very little desire to watch most of these movies though.
I loved and was terrified by Swamp Thing as a child. Amp up the cheese and watch Swamp Thing 2 with the weirdest sex scene that i am not sure if real or imaginary.
Swamp Thing 2? Oh, wow. Awesome. I will definitely have to check that out. Although I’m maybe a little terrified of the “weirdest sex scene” that might be imaginary.
I went and saw “Porky’s” playing at a local theater last night and was just thinking about how “sexy” was completely different in the 80s than it is now. It was kind of funny really. I’m not sure whether to laugh or cry at the fact that the “hot” people of yesteryear are so normal looking so I don’t find them attractive at all.
Just out of curiousity, when you played “Swamp Thing” through Netflix did it have French titles? I went to watch it recently and everything was in French up until the actors started talking. It was the weirdest thing. I’ve had several movies come up in the wrong language altogether, but this one was just the title cards. Netflix may have just been trying to piss me off though. We have an epic love/hate relationship going.
YES!! It WAS in French, and I almost turned it off!! But then they all spoke English, so I have no idea what that was all about!!
Porky’s? Excellent. That’s a good one!!
I found the ending of this movie incredibly appealing as kid.
Ok, I’m old. I saw this damn movie in the theaters when I was a kid. I thought at the time it was the greatest thing since star wars. Then I grew up and realized this movie was so bad its good. And that is cool.
I used to sneak downstairs as a kid and turn on sci-fi. If anyone ever came down the stairs, I quickly turned it to cartoon network.
Swamp Thing was one of my favorite TV shows. I agree, did not pass the test of time. I think the show looks a lot different from the movie. He is much mossier in the tv show.
I don’t remember the last time I saw the movie, but the show was really cool. I should watch it again because I really like Wes Craven movies…