Star Trek 700: The Corbomite Maneuver

Or, the one where Kirk saves the ship with pokerface.

I’m working on a theory regarding the relationship between Kirk’s shirtlessness and the action/adventure quotient within the episode. Tentatively called The Shirtless Kirk Principle, my theory posits that Kirk’s level of shirtlessness is inversely proportional to the level of action/adventure (times its weight in cheese).

For example, an episode with a high level of action/adventure contains a relatively low level of Kirk Shirtlessnes, and vice versa (times 47 pounds of gouda).

“The Corbomite Maneuver” demonstrated a high level of Kirk Shirtlessness early on, indicating that there was much sitting around and talking to be done later on the episode.  Observe:

Kirk is introduced to the episode half-naked and well oiled, making pumping motions with his legs. This goes on for some time.

And here is Kirk a few minutes later, during a red alert. This also goes on for some time, continuing into the turbolift and beyond. Kirk must have spent the entire first ten or fifteen minutes of “The Corbomite Maneuver” without a shirt.

For good reason, I suppose. Most of the remainder of the episode is spent on the bridge, puzzling out the meaning of this:

The Cube of Doom

 Follow by this:

The Sphere of Fear

Meanwhile, Bones nags Kirk on the bridge.

I imagine that's how my mom's spirit stands over me.

And Yeoman Rand manages to serve a salad without getting sexually harassed!

"Fresh pepper?"

It must have sucked for Janice, enlisting in Starfleet with the expectation of adventure and instead being a personal waitress while people on the bridge dealt with Balok:

"I'm totally not a puppet. Fear me."

The cube, the sphere, the threats of death, destruction, and marooning, were all a test from Balok to see if the Enterprise crew could be trusted to harm the being behind the puppet:

"Ha! You got had by an effing baby! Jerks!"

Upon closer inspection…..that very unfortunate baby looks like Clint Howard. John and I joke about the “Clint Howard Stamp of Approval”, which is typically applied to bad movies in which Clint Howard has a role or would consider taking a role (which is pretty much every bad movie we see). For instance, Blubberella. It’s got the Clint Howard Stamp of Approval.

Seriously. That's Clint Howard.

And the actual Corbomite Maneuver? That was Kirk bluffing.

The most enjoyable thing about this episode is, once again, Spock and his Spockface.

WTF?

Spock discovers poker, knows he has a great poker face, plans ship-wide poker tourney shakedown.

Now, let’s apply the Shirtless Kirk Principle: 

(High Kirk Shirtlessness + Low Action/Adventure) X 32 ponds of gorgonzola - The Clint Howard Stamp of Approval = “The Corbomite Maneuver”

Or something like that.  

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