Woohoo! It’s another Rumpy-centric episode! This time, Rumpy gets a taste of love. And spits it out and pisses on it, because that’s the appropriate thing to do with dumbass Hallmark love.
Since Valentine’s Day is tomorrow, Once Upon a Time gave us all the requisite VD stuff: disappointed women, clueless men, girls’ night out, roses. I’d also include “a fairy tale”, but this whole thing is a fairy tale and a good many fairy tales are about love, so that goes without saying. This show, though, manages to be subversive about it, questioning the expectations of love and EGADS!!!! putting forth the idea that maintaining love takes work.
“Skin Deep”, however, brought us the tale of Beauty and the Beast, with a twist: Rumpy is the beast.
Disclosure: I hate Beauty and the Beast. It’s a horrible story (most of them are) that exemplifies everything that’s messed up about Love’s PR campaign. Beauty and the Beast pretty much says that love will turn an abusive monster into a guy who’s worthy. But, the reality is that if he’s a monster going in, he’s a monster going out, and love won’t make a damn bit of difference.
And that’s exactly what happened with Belle and Rumpy. Monster in. Monster out.
Now, to the screencaps!
There’s Belle, all Disney Princessed out right down to the yellow ball gown.
“Game of Thorns” is the best name for a flower shop, ever.
OK, Madam Mayor. We need to have a chat. I get that you’re mayor of a small town and your shopping options are limited, but you have internet in Storybrooke. There is no reason for you to dress like that. Please, get on the internet and go to Shopbop or something because this Hillary Clinton look doesn’t work out for anyone. Even for Hillary Clinton. OK? OK.
Awww. Here’s Rumpy with a girl falling in love with him, asking about his past and such. What’s the matter, Rumpy? Isn’t my love good enough for you? ISN’T IT???
Annnnd back in Storybrooke, it’s Valentine’s Day, also known as “Girls’ Night,” wherein girls drink appletinis and try to pick up dudes they went to 1st grade with. For Cinderella, though, it’s different. She learns that love takes work and, sometimes, “love” is a quickie during your fiance’s dinner break.
Meanwhile, at the drug store, Mr. Gold and Prince Charming buy their Valentine’s gifts. Charming buys moronic greeting cards for his wife and his mistress. Mr. Gold buys rope and duct tape. Someone is having a magical Valentine’s Day.
Naturally, things are amiss in Fairytale Land. The Evil Queen has run across Belle and filled her head with curses and true love and kisses. Although, I did love her line, “I’d never encourage a girl to kiss her jailer. What kind of message is that?” Indeed, your majesty. Indeed.
I don’t even want to talk about this.
This just speaks to Robert Carlyle’s ability. As he said the word, “Rumplestiltskin” through the bars to the mayor, his entire affect changed.
The One Flew Over the Cuckoo’s Nest references made me love Once Upon a Time even more.
And there’s Storybrooke Belle, locked in an underground asylum. The key to Mr. Gold’s undoing.