Woohoo! It’s another Rumpy-centric episode! This time, Rumpy gets a taste of love. And spits it out and pisses on it, because that’s the appropriate thing to do with dumbass Hallmark love.
Since Valentine’s Day is tomorrow, Once Upon a Time gave us all the requisite VD stuff: disappointed women, clueless men, girls’ night out, roses. I’d also include “a fairy tale”, but this whole thing is a fairy tale and a good many fairy tales are about love, so that goes without saying. This show, though, manages to be subversive about it, questioning the expectations of love and EGADS!!!! putting forth the idea that maintaining love takes work.
“Skin Deep”, however, brought us the tale of Beauty and the Beast, with a twist: Rumpy is the beast.
Disclosure: I hate Beauty and the Beast. It’s a horrible story (most of them are) that exemplifies everything that’s messed up about Love’s PR campaign. Beauty and the Beast pretty much says that love will turn an abusive monster into a guy who’s worthy. But, the reality is that if he’s a monster going in, he’s a monster going out, and love won’t make a damn bit of difference.
And that’s exactly what happened with Belle and Rumpy. Monster in. Monster out.
Now, to the screencaps!
In case you didn't notice, Disney owns this.
There’s Belle, all Disney Princessed out right down to the yellow ball gown.
Is this a dig at Game of Thrones? Cuz GoT is a totally superior show.
“Game of Thorns” is the best name for a flower shop, ever.
Seriously. Tim Gunn writes books for a reason. Read them.
OK, Madam Mayor. We need to have a chat. I get that you’re mayor of a small town and your shopping options are limited, but you have internet in Storybrooke. There is no reason for you to dress like that. Please, get on the internet and go to Shopbop or something because this Hillary Clinton look doesn’t work out for anyone. Even for Hillary Clinton. OK? OK.
Rumpy has a heart.
Awww. Here’s Rumpy with a girl falling in love with him, asking about his past and such. What’s the matter, Rumpy? Isn’t my love good enough for you? ISN’T IT???
“Your carriage awaits. BTW, ‘Your Carriage’ is what I nicknamed my junk.”
Annnnd back in Storybrooke, it’s Valentine’s Day, also known as “Girls’ Night,” wherein girls drink appletinis and try to pick up dudes they went to 1st grade with. For Cinderella, though, it’s different. She learns that love takes work and, sometimes, “love” is a quickie during your fiance’s dinner break.
Throw in protection and a $5 bottle of Sutter Home and guess which one I'm going with?
Meanwhile, at the drug store, Mr. Gold and Prince Charming buy their Valentine’s gifts. Charming buys moronic greeting cards for his wife and his mistress. Mr. Gold buys rope and duct tape. Someone is having a magical Valentine’s Day.
"Hi! I heard someone was happy and it wasn't me!"
Naturally, things are amiss in Fairytale Land. The Evil Queen has run across Belle and filled her head with curses and true love and kisses. Although, I did love her line, “I’d never encourage a girl to kiss her jailer. What kind of message is that?” Indeed, your majesty. Indeed.
NO! MINE! HANDS OFF, B!TCH!
I don’t even want to talk about this.
He knows.
This just speaks to Robert Carlyle’s ability. As he said the word, “Rumplestiltskin” through the bars to the mayor, his entire affect changed.
Once Upon a Cuckoo's Nest
Nurse Ratched
Once Upon a Cuckoo's Nest - Chief Bromden
The One Flew Over the Cuckoo’s Nest references made me love Once Upon a Time even more.
And there’s Storybrooke Belle, locked in an underground asylum. The key to Mr. Gold’s undoing.
Lisa Fary's earliest influences are Princess Leia, Rainbow Bright, Astronaut Barbie, and her 6th grade teacher, Ms. Palmer. She's angry that it's 2011 and she still doesn't have a hovercraft, but will accept a jetpack as consolation. That jetpack had better be pink with a rhinestone monogram. 
Did you enjoy the Chip reference (or showcase, pretty much)? I did.
I did notice the spot-on costume. It was the same case when they did Cinderella. Dress, hair, make up: spitting images of their animated counterparts.
Evil Queen also said something about a mermaid. So I have to wonder if we’ll be seeing Ariel any time soon. That was my least favorite Disney story. I’d be glad to see a revised version of that.
I thought the jail scene and Evil Queen forcing Rumpelstiltskin’s name out of him was a creative twist on the importance of his name in his original fairytale. Whereas in the fairytale, it was knowing his name that gave the princess the upper hand, here it’s knowing that he knows his name.
I’m waiting for Jasmine and a locqucious blue genie.
I liked Ariel when The Little Mermaid came out, but as I got older, I hated her more and more and became an Ursula fan. And the story has a crappy message, too.
I make fun of this show a lot, because it can be ridiculous, but there is so much that Once Upon a Time does really well.
We knew Regina had her memories, and I only suspected that Mr. Gold had his, but that was the big reveal in this episode. So those two are playing some sort of chess game.
And I barely caught the Valentine’s Day references. But I did get that when you give your mistress your wife’s VD card, it’s usually over.
The Nurse is the Queen of hearts because she rules over the looney bin where “everyone’s mad” and Regina gave her a red rose.