Once Upon a Time: True North

After all these years, I finally found a character I’m interested in cosplaying:

The Evil Queen in this show.

She’s the perfect character for me. She has an uncomfortable smile and murder eyes (like me). She’s awkward around other people unless she’s in charge of them (me, too!). She glares at everyone with unrestrained contempt (I’d love to do that). Best of all, one of her pastimes is frightening small children, which I not only admire, but aspire to do myself.

And, the Evil Queen gets to run around in awesomely melodramatic costumes with tooled leather caplets and fabulous hats.

I’m going to cosplay the $h!t out the Evil Queen.

This week, I’m doing my commentary in pictures because there were so many great images in this episode.

Once Upon a Time brings us two wily scamps, living by their wits on the mean street of Storybrooke. Their only means of survival are scamming unsuspecting little boys perusing the spinner rack at the drug store. The spinner rack that mysteriously only carries Marvel comics, including an old John Byrne Fantastic Four.

The spinner rack….of doom.

Since this is Storybrooke, our wayward brother and sister are Hansel and Gretel. And their missing dad is Alex Krycek from The X-Files.

This is the best you can hope for in America, now, kids. Parentless and squatting in the basement of a foreclosure.

Meanwhile, in Fairytale Land, the kids do the candy house thing we’re all familiar with. We know the drill. Blind witch. Don’t eat anything.

Little brothers ruin everything. Oh wait, they’re twins. Even though one is about a foot taller than the other. Whatever. Hansel still sucks.

Well, hello, Mr. Gold. How are you, today?

It’s Mr. Gold’s blank white index card… of doom.

Alex Krycek doesn’t believe those kids are twins, either.

Oh, look at the Evil Queen trying to act like a warm, caring person who loves children!

It only gets better from here. That’s the look that makes kids feel safe. I love how clueless she is when it comes to interacting with people.

Well, hello, stranger. You’re rather handsome.

You know, I feel kinda bad for Madam Mayor. I know she has malicious intentions toward everyone, but I think she has genuine love and affection for Henry. She didn’t know the details of his mother when she adopted him and, even though she’s not the warmest or most understanding mom, she is trying to protect him. When birthmom shows up, it’s understandable for Madam Mayor to be hostile.

In the pilot, the Evil Queen said Fairytale Land was being relocated to a place where the only happy ending was hers. I wonder what parts of Storybrooke constitute her happy ending as there’s little that’s different. She’s still in charge. People still fear her. She even had the same boytoy. The only discernible difference is in Storybrooke, she’s a mom. Maybe the Evil Queen’s happy ending was just to be loved.

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