I’ve come to this zen place I never expected.
As of today, I’ve been in pre-service professional development for 2.5 weeks. Kids come back to school on Tuesday. There is still quite a lot that is unknown. For instance, will I be co-teaching a content area this year? If so, what class? Will we be able to use such-and-such program with this group of students? What are we going to do about math for this other bunch? How many credits do my 18 year old 9th graders actually need?
These are all big questions that effect my school year every year. None of them have been answered so far. Yet, I’m not wigging out.
I can’t figure out if it’s because administration isn’t freaking out about these questions. Or if it’s because, finally, I’ve internalized the lessons of my sci-fi geek life. Mostly that there are long periods of going along to get along followed by short, intense periods of heroic struggle to do what’s right.
All the adversity that’s coming puts me in the mood to watch Babylon 5.
But, until I get a working DVD player, as the 2011-2012 school year bears down upon us, these are lessons I’ve learned:
“Do not meddle in the affairs of wizards, for they are subtle and quick to anger.”
I come to this when I try to understand just what the hell administration is thinking. Not that I consider admin to be the holders of arcane knowledge that can save the world, like Gandalf. I’ve found that it’s really for the best that I don’t know what their troubles are, as their troubles are beyond my day to day concerns and have little to do with individual student achievement.
“No matter where you go, there you are.”
No matter what school I’m at, I’m going to have the same problems. Because I don’t care about the yearly tests. Because I don’t care about what an administrator cares about. Because I don’t care about my school; I care about my students (They don’t often go hand in hand). I don’t care if my principal likes me or if other teachers like me. I care if my students learn and that’s all that matters to me. Astonishingly, this causes problems. (Possibly because I’m aggressive about what my kiddoes need and don’t really consider anyone else’s feelings.)
“People don’t like to be meddled with. We tell them what to do, what to think, don’t run, don’t walk. We’re in their homes and in their heads and we haven’t the right. We’re meddlesome.”
This is probably the biggest issue I have with this online model I’ve been working in for the last several years. I can’t shake the feeling that we’re telling people how to manage their homes and families, trying to cram them into the suburban box that most of the school’s employees are familiar with and most of our students have never known.
“I am a leaf on the wind. Watch how I soar.”
Oh, I couldn’t help it. I love this quote from Serenity and frequently chant it when I’m up against something horrifyingly difficult. It’s not so much telling the world how awesome I am as it is telling myself I don’t suck so much.
“The light that burns twice as bright burns half as long…”
OK, I’m not a replicant like Roy Batty and I’m not saying I’m better than anyone else. But, I’m understanding burn out now. I went into education fully expecting it to be my career for life and now, after ten years of service, I’m considering finding something else. Besides, in this national atmosphere toward the field, Blade Runners hunting down veteran teachers to retire us isn’t all that far fetched.
“Thank you, Mario! But our princess is in another castle!”
No matter what the faculty does, no matter what strides we make, I know now that it’s not going to be enough. And it’ll be true because kids will only know how to take a test. The thing is, the test keeps changing. But, that has nothing to do with us and everything to do with politicians.
“There are four lights!”
No matter how many times you tell me that the teacher is the only factor that makes the difference in the child’s receipt of education, I know it’s a lie. I know there’s way more to it. I know there are so many more ugly things that no one wants to talk about because then middle class white people would have to address some really uncomfortable things about our supposedly classless society. You tell me there are five lights, but I know there are only four. I see them. And I can count.
“You keep using that word. I do not think it means what you think it means.”
That word is “successful”. In terms of public education, “successful” means doing well in the class and passing the yearly tests. However, any of us who have graduated from American public education knows that what it takes to be successful in school is not the same as what it takes to be successful anyplace else. That’s what my job is now: to try to teach that even though it’s not on the test. No one seems to take it very seriously.
“The cake is a lie.”
These kids know what I didn’t at their age. I really believed that doing well in school and college would automatically lead to a decent job and living wage (it didn’t). Our kids know that just working hard isn’t enough. They know that everything is stacked against them and that graduating from high school or college guarantees them nothing. And I don’t know if that’s sad or hopeful. But, they still come to school, so there’s hope there somewhere.
Related Stuff:
Lisa Fary's earliest influences are Princess Leia, Rainbow Bright, Astronaut Barbie, and her 6th grade teacher, Ms. Palmer. She's angry that it's 2011 and she still doesn't have a hovercraft, but will accept a jetpack as consolation. That jetpack had better be pink with a rhinestone monogram. 
I love it when geek analogies come together!
I can only hope that, when everything is said and done, there are more teachers who care about their students over the administration. As a parent, and school over-achiever, I now understand more than ever that it’s helping them through the system intact that is actually more important.
I think there are. We just regularly run up against what we know is right in comparison to what admin needs to keep the school running. It’s a difficult line to walk. In some cases, you get the institutional cheating that happened in the Atlanta School District. The thing that I think so many people, at least in the United States, don’t consider, is that teachers are actually people. If they get fired for not complying with the cheating policy of one administrator, they’re not going to get hired by another. We have to worry about how we’re going to put food on the table, too. No one really considers that.
Thanks for this article. I am also a teacher and a nerd/geek/sci-fi/fantasy fan who firmly believes in the truths you have discovered.
(I also believe in faeries, because I am bound and determined that none of them will die on my watch, but that is another story, to be told at another time).
Visit me at http://www.facebook.com/#!/pages/High-Expectations/14063192690 for a chuckle about our common classroom predicaments.
Came across this article today, and thought of your post. I think it’s a bit idealistic, but I like the concept. Just today my mom and I were talking about how schools even LOOK like factories.
http://www.forbes.com/sites/stevedenning/2011/09/01/the-single-best-idea-for-reforming-k-12-education/
I didn’t gradumate from “high” school. I hated it. I got my GED/Good Enough Diploma. I did luv college, however. And I DID gradumate that lovely, although highly corporate, institution.
Only once was the history of unions ever mentioned. ONCE. And that was in a college course. ONE college course. We pu$h corporatocracy in our public schools. The addiction is worse than crack. The end product (and I DO mean product)? A consumer driven economy populated by consumer zombies.
You, and teachers like you, are amazing. I simply don’t see how you do it. Can’t help but bring a tear to me eye.
Don’t worry though, in my book, you’re cool no matter what you choose to do.