Buffy for Beginners 4.18: Where the Wild Things Are

By Sabrina Boyer

Just so you know this episode isn’t exactly like the children’s book. It’s a story about children who were tortured with religious rhetoric and only hoped they had a fantasy land they could escape to. Christ didn’t allow fantasy lands, or anything else. What’s worse? Riley and the initiative are living in the remnants of angsty tortured past.

As the ep opens, Buffy and her new army boyfriend are fighting demons, vamps, etc. “Okay,” Buffy says to Riley. “You get Fang, I’ll get Horney.” Quite foreshadowing of the episode to come. Then the dynamic duo gets all handsy. It seems that all their lusty energy unleashes the leftover spirits of pissed off children who never got to experience lusty feelings of their own. During post coital blissy nappy time, Riley gets up to take a whiz, only to stalk through his own house as if he’s expecting some paranormal activity.

And then there’s creepy Xander in the ice cream truck. And crazy Anya worries that Xander doesn’t find her desirable anymore because they didn’t have sex. For one night. She thinks they’re breaking up and then accuses Xander of erectile dysfunction. So, we’ve got a couple who is having uber sex and another who misuses sex as a way to find intimacy. As the Scoobies plus Tara meet with Giles to describe how a demon came to the aid of a vampire, Riley explains why a party is badly needed. Giles denies needing a good kegger and lets on that he’ll be spending the evening at the Espresso Pump. To do grown up things.

Later that night, Graham and Forrest complain about the super cold temperature as Riley and Buffy continue to have yet more sex. And more sex. And, don’t they need to come up for air? As they burn the midnight oil, the boys try to make a fire that goes awry. As Buffy and Riley get hotter, so does the fire. In fact, it explodes and catches an Initiative guy on fire. Literally.

At the party, Buffy and Riley make the googly eyes at each other while Xander takes comfort in the fact that Anya no longer has her man-hating demon powers. She and Spike begin to wish they had stopped and smelled the corpses when they were able to kill people. Over at the party it gets really…orgasmic as the party goers find a spot on the wall that feels really good. Tara and Willow grow closer at the party until Tara goes crazy for a second and channels something that is very judgmental.

Anya shows up with Spike and freaks over the not having sex and inevitable vengeance. It seems that sex makes things extremely complicated. Weirder things start to happen as Xander joins a spin the bottle game to get closer to a girl named Julie. All of a sudden Julie goes all Fatal Attraction and then apologizes profusely. More and more folks touch the orgasm wall and Xander sees Julie cutting off her hair and repeating “I’m bad. I’m bad.” Willow goes in search of Tara in the bathroom and sees a boy drowning in the tub. Except, there’s no boy in the tub. What’s the deal? Is every frat on UC Sunnydale campus haunted? As Xander, Willow and Tara realize the weirdness, they try to interrupt their sexcapdes only to find that scary large vines grown out of Riley’s room and they begin to bone into oblivion.

The frat house begins to shake, Anya has a ghost run through her, Graham begins to recite passages from the Bible and people are going all Felicity with their hair. Xander tries to save Buffy and gets thrown out of the house. They need a watcher. They need Giles. And where do they find him? Sex on a stick Giles is singing classic acoustic The Who. The girls are entranced, especially Willow. “Now I remember why I used to have such a crush on him,” Willow says.

And it’s still super sexy time back at the sex ranch. More vines grow. Yet more sex is had.

Everyone at the party was acting weird sexually. But the house wasn’t always a fraternity. It was a home for children made up of runaways, delinquents, and emotionally disturbed children. Perhaps they are dealing with a standard haunting. The gang goes to the house nanny to talk about “her kids.” She educated them in the way of the lord; she was given a medal. She cut off the hair of horny teenagers coming into puberty. The woman is obviously nuts; she gave them hugs and praise when they were good, and punished them when they were “dirty.” Without her, they would’ve been shut out of the kingdom, lost to lust. Girls fell to vanity, preening like Jezebel. She almost drowned, traumatized and abused children in the name of baptisms. They’re not ghosts. They’re apparitions in the house, a poltergeist born out of intense emotion and sexual feelings. It’s a great big poltergasm. Buffy and Riley are feeding the poltergeist and when their energy is drained, they die.

Ruh roh.

As Giles, Willow and Tara try to draw the poltergeists out of the house, Anya and Xander attempt to rescue Buffy and Riley. It almost works until they realize what the gang is up to. Eventually, through thorny vines and crazy ghosties, Xander and Anya make it through and save the day. No more horizontal mambo for Buffy and Riley. Greatest line of the fight? “Shut up you repressed crybabies!” Oh Anya, how I love your bluntness.

Poor Buffy and Riley. Must’ve been horrible.

About Sabrina Boyer: As a kid my dad would sneak scary movies past my mom and let me indulge in his horror movie fetish. I grew up watching V, Alien Nation, The Thing, The Fog (all originals) and then, in 1992 when Buffy the movie came out, I became obsessed with vampires, girl power, and all things gothic. I once stayed home from school, faked sick, and watched BTVS: the movie 6 times in a row. I know the beginning cheerleading dance by heart (still). Currently, I’m obsessing over Laurell K. Hamilton novels, and dream about Anita Blake being my best friend.

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