By Lisa Fary
I just knew 2010 was going to be my year. It’s the end of February and there’s a jetpack on the market.
Sure, it costs $76,000, but you get to go to jetpack training camp for 10 days! In New Zealand! How cool is that?
I could practice my mad jetpack skills in the morning, then in the afternoon I could do all sorts of fun New Zealand stuff. Visit Weta. Run around the countryside with a sword, LARPing Xena. I could run around that same countryside barefoot, pretending to be a Hobbit (actual size!).
Overall, the jetpack is way more accessible than NASA’s decommissioned space shuttles or a suborbital flight on Virgin Galactic. You don’t need a pilot’s license and it runs on regular gas. Looks like my jetpack is a go!
Until I get to the last question in the FAQ:
Q: Are there any restrictions on who can fly one?
A: Currently the pilot must weigh over 140 lbs and under 240 lbs.
Son of a bitch.
I have to put on 25 pounds to fly my jetpack. Is it worth it? Is it worth the increased risk of heart disease and type 2 diabetes? How am I even going to put on that much weight with this restrictive gluten free/ lactose free diet my doctor put me on? There’s nothing I can eat! I’m not going to put on the necessary 25 pounds with collards.
Damn it. I can’t fly a jetpack and I can’t even console myself with ice cream and cookies. Oh, well. There’s always the corpse eating robot to look forward to.
Lisa Fary is a graduate of the creative writing program at Florida State University and holds an advanced degree in Special Education. Her earliest influences are Princess Leia, Rainbow Bright, Astronaut Barbie, and her 6th grade teacher, Ms. Palmer. She’s angry that it’s almost 2010 and she still doesn’t have a hovercraft, but will accept a jetpack as consolation. That jetpack had better be pink with a rhinestone monogram.
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Lisa Fary's earliest influences are Princess Leia, Rainbow Bright, Astronaut Barbie, and her 6th grade teacher, Ms. Palmer. She's angry that it's 2011 and she still doesn't have a hovercraft, but will accept a jetpack as consolation. That jetpack had better be pink with a rhinestone monogram. 
Go check ebay
Damn I really wanted one since i was a little girl… although come to think of it i dont think my boyfriend would mind if i put on a few extra pounds if the trade off is a freaking jet pack (he has wanted one since he was a boy aww geek love lol). the thought of just being able to walk out my door and just zoom off to school was a common fantasy to and from school.
Wonders why rather than the individual be within the stated set weights, counter-weights can't be used… I so want one of these too!! Might have to drop them an email, me thinks.