Aliens in the Vatican

By Lisa Fary
John and I have Wonder Twin powers, but only in the shape of conspiracy theory and in the form of rum. Only one of those was activated for this piece and, for once, it wasn’t rum.

I think the Vatican has an alien. Or knows of one in the custody of a country’s government.

Hear me out.
We’re talking about theologians who took over 350 years to admit that wily scamp Galileo was right and the Earth really did revolve around the Sun. As smirk worthy as that was back in 1992, it’s one of the things I appreciate about the Vatican. Every appearance of a holy figure on a slice of toast or unwashed car window isn’t a miracle. Responses are measured, often stoic, and seem to be carefully considered (except for that whole Inquisition thing – that’s another matter entirely). They’ve even determined that evolution is compatible with Christianity and that global warming is a threat to our security and existence.

In many ways, they project an image of skeptical clergy, and I don’t picture them holding conferences on a topic unless there’s reason and evidence.

Soooo. . .

The Vatican held a conference last week on alien life and what that means for the Catholic Church. The conference included clergy and scientists from around the world. (verdict: there’s room for aliens, too).

The Vatican doesn’t get out in front of anything. That’s not me knocking the Catholic Church – that’s just the way the Vatican rolls. Lots of research. Lots of debate. No quick draw conclusions over there.

Which leads me to my theory that they know something.

Rev. Jose Funes, the Vatican’s chief astronomer, said in 2008 that aliens would still be God’s creatures and ruling out the existence of extraterrestrial life based on scripture would be putting a limit on God’s creative freedom. He has also previously stated that, if there were aliens who were more evolved than humans, they may not need to be saved to enter Heaven.

I wonder if he prefers Star Wars or Star Trek?

Lisa Fary is a graduate of the creative writing program at Florida State University and holds an advanced degree in Special Education. Her earliest influences are Princess Leia, Rainbow Bright, Astronaut Barbie, and her 6th grade teacher, Ms. Palmer. She’s angry that it’s almost 2010 and she still doesn’t have a hovercraft, but will accept a jetpack as consolation. That jetpack had better be pink with a rhinestone monogram.

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