There is one thing that’s always bugged me about the undead. No, not the smell and general lack of hygiene. It’s the continual need to eat despite the absence of working intestinal organs.
I mean, how do they poop it? If nothing works in there?
Gee. I wonder what the scary word of the day is?
Zombie.
What to do when you see or hear the scary word of the day? Shamble over to your least favorite co-worker’s cubicle, preferably while drooling, and moan, “BRRRRAAAAAAIIIINNNS!” Alternatively, you can just spend the day answering any questions directed toward you with, “BRRRRAAAAAAIIIINNNS!”
A Guide to Recognizing Zombies
Zombies: Words of Wisdom by the Tamworthian
Why I Won’t Be Fighting When the Zombie Apocalypse Comes
Ask an Amateur Scientist: Zombies
8 Habits of Highly Effective Zombies
The Recession: A Guide for Zombies
The American Zombie’s Guide to Election 2008
Lisa Fary is a graduate of the creative writing program at Florida State University and holds an advanced degree in Special Education. Her earliest influences are Princess Leia, Rainbow Bright, Astronaut Barbie, and her 6th grade teacher, Ms. Palmer. She’s angry that it’s almost 2010 and she still doesn’t have a hovercraft, but will accept a jetpack as consolation. That jetpack had better be pink with a rhinestone monogram.
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Lisa Fary's earliest influences are Princess Leia, Rainbow Bright, Astronaut Barbie, and her 6th grade teacher, Ms. Palmer. She's angry that it's 2011 and she still doesn't have a hovercraft, but will accept a jetpack as consolation. That jetpack had better be pink with a rhinestone monogram. 
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