The Cylons Did Too Have a Plan!

By Lisa Fary

BSG: The Plan will be known as the BSG ep with a dick. Not someone acting like a dick, although there is that. This has actual man sausage. Why, yes. Pink Raygun does have pics.

The Plan explains stuff that didn’t need explaining and fills in blanks from the first two seasons that didn’t need to be filled. Like the ultimate ending of the series, The Plan takes away the viewers’ ability to draw our own conclusions.

Why watch? Because I’m a glutton for it, I guess. I hoped that The Plan would make me feel better about how BSG ended, but it didn’t

Despite the plodding length of it, there are some good bits. The invasion itself, seeing the colonies at their finest contrasted with the burning rubble of them.

My favorite storyline was that of the conflicted Model 4 – assigned to sabotage and what not, he instead fell in love with a human and married her. That led to some stuff worth exploring.

Mostly, though, The Plan is about Cavil (the Brother Cavil aboard Galactica and the Brother Cavil embedded with Anders’ pyramid team) and the Cylon plan, which wasn’t nearly as complicated or wily as I had been led to believe. The plan is genocide, pure and simple. When all of humanity wasn’t wiped out in the initial wave, Cavil and the gang resorted to taking humans out one small group at a time.

There was, of course, the side plan involving the Final Five, but that was really Cavil’s private plan, more about him being petulant than anything else.

And so. . . highlights!

Club Pink Moon, where one of the Cavils meets up with Ellen Tigh. There is no explanation as to why she’s in a seamy strip club near the Picon docks.

Tory, dazed after barely surviving the attack on Gemenon. I still hate her.

Leoben does therapeutic crafts:

Commander Adama’s hairy man nip:

Boobs in Galactica’s co-ed bathroom:

And because director Edward James Olmos clearly believes in Equal Opportunity Nekkid Nudity, here’s some random dude’s meat and two veg in the same co-ed bathroom:

For no reason whatsoever. Seriously. There was absolutely no reason for the camera to pan down there. But, there it is. Thanks, EJO. Your gesture toward the Equal Opportunity Objectification movement is appreciated.

Cavil posted fliers for the plan all over Galactica:

This Model 5 does not appreciate being given fashion advice by Cavil at his employee review. “You look too much like the 5 they already caught,” Cavil says. “His jacket was burgundy, “5 replies. “This is teal.” The suicide vest Cavil gives 5 as a replacement for the beloved teal jacket is so last season.

Cavil gets angry at another poor Cylon employee review.  Leoben marvels over Starbuck’s ability to pilot the Cylon Raider with no training. She’s special. She plucked the knowledge from nowhere.  “I don’t care if she plucked puppies from god’s ass!” Cavil screams.

“I don’t care if she plucked puppies from god’s ass!” doesn’t have the simple charm of Clarence Boddicker’s immortal “Bitches, leave!”, but it’s a nice one for the insult library.

And this is how The Plan made me feel inside:

Poopy.

BSG: The Plan premieres on DVD and Blu-Ray on October 27th.

Lisa Fary is a graduate of the creative writing program at Florida State University and holds an advanced degree in Special Education. Her earliest influences are Princess Leia, Rainbow Bright, Astronaut Barbie, and her 6th grade teacher, Ms. Palmer. She’s angry that it’s almost 2010 and she still doesn’t have a hovercraft, but will accept a jetpack as consolation. That jetpack had better be pink with a rhinestone monogram.

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