The Guild Season 3 Episode 6: Newbtastic

By WorldofHiglet
Okay, apologies first. The review is a little late this week because I was in Vancouver for the Syfy.com press tour (more of that very soon here on PinkRaygun.com). Without further ado, let’s get to the review!

Disclaimer: this is a REVIEW and therefore will contain spoilers about this episode (and possibly previous ones). Just so we’re clear on that.

This episode starts with Codex convincing herself that she did the right thing for the right reasons in denying Riley a place in the Knights of Good and recruiting ‘Mister Wiggly’ (George) instead. She is honest with herself (and her webcam) about the fact that Riley’s skills and hotness totally intimidates her.

Perhaps the fact that Codex stood up to Riley at all shows that she is growing as a person and exploring new ways of expressing herself other than caving in to whatever anyone else suggests. And perhaps by the end of this episode she will have explored even more new possibilities…

George seems to have embraced the Clara school of thought regards child minding, and we see the kids on a sofa, lovingly corralled with yellow ‘Caution’ tape. But it’s ok – the baby monitor is deployed and they have popcorn to eat and play with! No one can say that George doesn’t try. Yes, they all find him very trying. His lack of aptitude and total ineptitude with even the basics is stunning.

George: “Clara! I can’t get my person-thingy to move!”

And at least Clara and George are spending time together. Not for long, though. Codex is forced to ask Clara for a conference without Mister Wiggly as Vork, Zaboo and Bladezz all express their disgust at Wiggly getting them all killed. Again. Clara seems to have prepared for this and easily gets rid of him by handing him a set of game guides. Surprised, he leaves.

George: “This game has homework?”

Clara is very pleased with how great things are working out, a view not shared by Vork:

Vork: “Clara, you are wed to an incompetent.”

But Vork’s complaint that George shouldn’t have been admitted to the Knights of Good doesn’t hold much water with Codex – and she tells Vork:

Codex: “…until you are Guild Leader again I say who’s in and who’s out….please.”

Vork seems to be simultaneously impressed and taken aback, and Codex presses home her advantage by asking how they can improve Mister Wiggley’s performance. Clara seems to feel is making progress because he hasn’t turned off his laptop by mistake this time. And then she lays it on the line – if George doesn’t play then she can’t play. The Guild can’t afford to be two players down.

A new voice is heard over the private chat and the Guildies can’t see what we can – it’s not Avon calling. A late entrant is applying for a place on the Knights of Good. After proving how great he is at owning people with his disposable razor-blunt wit, Valkyrie from the Axis of Anarchy reveals himself to a somewhat bemused Guild. He crows about his Finn Smulders website he created: “…I guess I’m most proud of the typography…”

Bladezz is not amused: “Yeah you had your fun and now I’m bored.”

But then – another warning. Valkyrie starts to wind up the crow-wagon about his latest trick on Bladezz when he is interrupted. Oh yes, he’s at work! At the kind of job that requires you to wear a headset, not go on the Internet and advise clients on how to deal with traumas over damask colours (yes, I had to look up what damask was, too).

Codex is worried about what the AoA might do next but Vork has nothing to say on the matter, since he is not Guild Leader (I LOVE the face that he pulls). Bladezz isn’t too worried since he feels he can’t get any lower in the pecking order after a band called Smulders performed with masks on sticks. His mom shouts for him, possibly because he unplugged Dena’s bass earlier, and he has to go.

As Codes leaves to find out if Zaboo got in touch with Tink, Vork’s current situation is revealed. He’s been paying a young boy to do his bidding for him. In a van. A van with lots of electrical, possibly recording equipment in it…um….yeah. This is not going to end well. Even if he was ‘only’ paying the boy to get his school’s wi-fi key, the teacher who comes to investigate why young Alvin is talking to a bald dude in the mystery machine about video games is likely to take a dim view. Vork, as always, is oblivious to any possible misinterpretation and drives off. I think we’ll be hearing more about this later.

Meanwhile Codex pops next door to find Zaboo. Riley is gaming and puts Codex on the spot straight away by asking if she’s looking for Wade. Codex panics at the thought he was there but Riley (in no way trying to comfort her) explains he’s in Vancouver (Yay!) round-housing Lorenzo Lamas (yes, I had to Google again – I am weaksauce). Riley tells her that Zaboo is out and then explains further:

Riley: “In case you didn’t get it – this…?” (pointing to face) “…Bitchstare.”

When Riley then throws a(n Xbox) controller at Codex she catches it but says she won’t play. Because of all the Guild Leadering she needs to do. This does not sit well with Riley. She is cooler than Codex – how dare she be kept from the Guild and not played with?!

Codez tries to smooth it over until Riley calls them “RPG Fairies” – an insult too far. And when Riley compounds it by being snarky, the game is on. Sort of. Codex is apparently motion-sick from the gameplay and struggles not to puke on the controller. Riley encourages the non-puking by threatening her with violence and casually mentioning that Zaboo knows she means it on account of how easily he bruises. Codex suggests that Riley might be gentler on Zaboo since she is his first girlfriend.

Riley ignores this but takes a new interest in Codex and how…tense (and helpless) she looks. She starts to massage Codex’s shoulders to help her relax. Codex is appreciative as Riley’s subtle yet strong fingers start to knead and caress her silky, alabaster skin. She starts to yield under the insistent pressure, her head tipping to the side as Riley’s hands smooth away the tension in her shoulders. Riley finger work becomes more urgent as she brushes Codex’s hair to one side, revealing more of her “…dungeon-prisoner pale” skin….

At this point Codex begins to feel things might be getting out of hand but she is saved by Zaboo. Well, Zaboo’s feeble calls. Riley strides off to reveal Zaboo. In the closet. Pinned against the rail by a pink boa. Hmm. Codex demands to know what is going on and Riley is surprised any explanation is necessary. Surely it’s obvious that he forgot to make her breakfast so she knocked him out and tied him up? but it won’t happen again. Zaboo confirms this: “I’m a fast learner.”

He then says that Bladezz has just texted him because something was found in his locker – and he could go to juvey (juvenile hall. Prison for teens. Googl’d).

Anarchy’d!

Before we talk about the “OMG did they go there?” bit there were plenty of other nice touches in this episode such as how the picture on the back of Zaboo’s laptop has been changed so that it’s now a picture of Zaboo with Riley taped over where Codex used to be. The super-aggressive stance Riley has while gaming (my Gran taught me never to sit like that, even with jeans on…). Riley getting her knickers in a twist about Codex: “…the rejection letter goes the other way, nerdlit.”

Vork asking the school kid if his potential male pattern baldness has affected his leadership skills. And I choose to imagine Felicia chose Vancouver especially for me because I like Fernie so much! Plus, the “I love you” by George and Clara to each other might be a good sign, right? I’d love to see more Dena, who only makes the briefest of appearances and of course – more Tink! Although I’m certain that not seeing them enhances the story, it seems like ages since we saw Tink.

The season is taking on an epic feel now, and at the half-way point I can truly say I do not know how it is going to end. Felicia has blogged about how much she enjoyed this episode and about how much more goodness is on the way.

Oh yes, and that other thing…For goodness sake, Ms Day! How dare you create such a complex sexual predator that is likeable, confident and female! Conflicted much? For myself, yes. On the one hand it would be easy to dismiss it as pure pandering to the millions of male minions eager to see their deepest (or shallowest) fantasy played out on the screen. Two, hot female nerd-gamers? Together? Touching..? Geekgasm.

But I think we can safely step past that and look at what she has actually done. Riley is the alpha-male/brooding hunk/dangerous-but-sexy type except – she’s not a man. But her treatment of Zaboo (which she would have extended to Codex without hesitation if circumstances had allowed) has stepped over the line. In fact, it has jumped over the line, run back to it, rubbed it out with an unfortunate’s hair and then pissed all over the remnants. She is out of control, but can she be stopped?

Does that even matter if Bladezz is going to be in juvey? Or if Vork falls foul of vigilantes?

Oh curse you, Red – why did you have to make us care?!?

P.S. If you want to see more of Brett Sheridan, who plays George, then The Knights of The Guild (Official Podcast for The Guild hosted by Kenny Mittleider and Jenni Powell) have now persuaded him to join Twitter, so you can follow him there as Misterwiggly. He will also be appearing on an upcoming episode of the KOTG podcast. And, um, to see A LOT more of him you might want to watch this video. Or not. Your choice.

Photos: Screencaps taken from the webvideo except for the last one (Riley, Codex and Zaboo), from watchtheguild Flickr account. Thanks, Brian.

WorldofHiglet is the online persona of writer Mary R. Higgins, a born-again geek reclaiming her heritage bit by bit. A youth filled with sci-fi, horror and adventure fare (TV, films, computer games and books) was crushed by years of office grind. Buffy brought her back into the fold after years of denial. Discovering Firefly sealed the deal. Now she geeks fulltime on her blog ‘the last geek bus home’ and her first novel ‘Turning left at Albuquerque” is currently looking for a home in publishing-land.

Related articles by Zemanta

• Episode 6: Newbtastic (feliciaday.com)
• Is Single-Player Gaming In Danger Of Extinction? [Feature] (kotaku.com)
• Warning over online game addiction (guardian.co.uk)