Buffy for Beginners 4.13: The I in Team

By Sabrina Boyer

Did you know that magic at the poker table constitutes cheating? Hey, I say, if you’ve got it, flaunt it.

Anya, Will and Xander are spending a fun night of pokering, and Will’s not the only one who is trying to cheat. One guess as to who the other person is? That’s right. My favorite character on the entire series: Anya. “Stupid game, all these rules just to win little plastic discs.” I couldn’t agree more. Xander’s trying to win the discs so he can employ his other part-time money making idea, selling pre-packaged nutrition bars. So why isn’t the Buffster with the rest of the Scooby gang? She’s hanging with guys in ugly outfits. Or, Riley and his merry men.

Of course, Xander has a big question mark where Riley’s face should be, but Will seems to think they’re of the good camp, being anti-demon and probably pro-ex demon. However, Anya chooses to feel threatened. So what they’re up to is testing Buffy’s ability to destabilize the commandos. It took the patrol team 42 minutes to track her, and she neutralized them in 28 seconds. Professor Walsh is impressed. It’s like trying out for the super awesome evil fighting club. But everybody doesn’t necessarily love Buffy, and I think it’s a certain someone who teaches Psychology. Hmmmmm. What exactly is going on in this Initiative?

Meanwhile, the Scoobies plan a get together at the Bronze since Buffy’s been off with Riley and the Initiative boys; the Scoobs haven’t been spending all that much time together lately, and it’s obvious that there’s awkwardness between them. But she and Riley seem to be in the happy place of new relationships. Then the greatest double entendre of all time comes up as Buffy and Riley talk about “not having to do this” and Buffy being “ready.”

Ah ha! Get your mind out of the gutter. They’re talking about Buffy seeing The Initiative for the first time. Duh. And then, “you told me it was big. You told me but you never said it was huge!” Riley doesn’t like to brag. It’s made up of scientists that work with behavior modification, neutralizing demons to make them not a threat. It’s like taking away their basic instincts so they walk around neutered a la Spike. Wouldn’t you think that neutralizing basic instincts might make these demons more dangerous? Buffy becomes an official member of the team and gets a beeper. Meanwhile, Will meets up with Tara, who shows her a doll’s eye crystal. Tara invites her over to do spells, but Will already has plans with the gang.

Then we get some heavy info regarding what’s really going on with Walsh behind the door 314. She and another doctor are suspicious of Buffy and let her join The Initiative to keep a close eye on her. She’s a threat, and we’re not sure why. Then Walsh asks, “How’s our baby doing?” It seems that behavior modification isn’t the only thing they’re doing down there. And then we see Adam, a composite human/demon hybrid hooked up to machines. “Almost time to wake up Adam. I know you’ll make me proud.”

Later that night at The Bronze, Buffy’s almost an hour late and shows up with Riley and other Initiative guys. It gets awkward again as Will is obviously annoyed that Buffy brought the guys and Will mentions she could’ve brought someone too, but thought it was just the core Scoobies + Anya. Buffy lets her know that she is now part of the underground Commandoes, and Will questions whether this is a good idea. Is she rushing things? Aren’t there certain questions she should ask before she goes off and enlists? What’s their ultimate agenda? Are they going to reintegrate these demons into society? And when Riley and everyone else’s beepers go off simultaneously, Riley runs up to Buffy and says “mother wants us.” Um, is anybody else creeped out by the Norman Bate-a tude of this question? Raise your hands if yeah.

Buffy in her orange halter and the rest of the green sweatered commandoes get briefed on what they’re hunting, a Polgara demon. They’re not supposed to damage its arms. And then come the questions from the only person doing any critical thinking. Why do they need/want this Polka thing? Why can’t they damage its arms? Better its bits get damaged when fighting for your life. What does it want? Why is it here? And why isn’t Buffy suited up? On her, it’d look all Private Benjamin. Don’t worry. She’s patrolled in this halter many times. All these questions are an Initiative faux paus. Why?

As the group patrols, poor Spikey gets tagged with a tracker and runs to Giles for help. And then Riley gets attacked by the Polgara. And then the greatest fighting and sex scene of the entire series begins. I have goosebumps, literally. Spliced with fight scenes and obvious first sex between Buffy and Riley, it’s difficult not to see the connection between fighting and foreplay. It is hot hot hot.

But then, not so hot when we learn that Walsh has a camera in Riley’s bedroom and looks on eerily as they make love. Creeeeeeeppppppyyyy. Oh, and there’s red sheets. Parker had red sheets. And didn’t Angel as well?

Cutest couple ever Spike and Giles quip over Spike needing help since the commandoes are after him over and over. But why should Giles help him? Out of the evilness of his heart? That morning Buffy wakes up freaked when she doesn’t immediately see Riley after their passionate night; but he’s there, just behind her. Buffy gets schooled in Riley’s military life, but in the military you don’ task questions. He knows all he needs to know. But of course, Buffy’s curious. And rightly so. When she asks about 314, the phone rings immediately and guess who it is? Mother.

Walsh tells Riley to make her proud, and sends him out after Spike. Walsh talks with other doctor about neutralizing Buffy, as she’s turned into a liability. This conversation takes place while the male doctor removes the Polgara demon’s arm. Weird. As Buffy gets back to the dorm, she sees Will was out all night and then her beeper beeps. Walsh sends her on reconnaissance . But the weapon she’s given is rigged. Turns out, Walsh tried to have Buffy killed with some of her own pet demons that had already been captured. Buffy figures this out as she’s trapped in with them. But of course, you can’t keep the slayer down. She tricks Walsh into thinking she’s dead and as Walsh tells Riley what happened, Buffy comes on screen and says “you really don’t know what a slayer is. Trust me when I say you’re gonna find out.” Riley realizes Walsh lied to him and tried to kill Buffy. She screams after him as he just walks away.

Then Adam kills Walsh. Calls her “mommy.” Karma’s a bitch.

About Sabrina Boyer: As a kid my dad would sneak scary movies past my mom and let me indulge in his horror movie fetish. I grew up watching V, Alien Nation, The Thing, The Fog (all originals) and then, in 1992 when Buffy the movie came out, I became obsessed with vampires, girl power, and all things gothic. I once stayed home from school, faked sick, and watched BTVS: the movie 6 times in a row. I know the beginning cheerleading dance by heart (still). Currently, I’m obsessing over Laurell K. Hamilton novels, and dream about Anita Blake being my best friend.