Heroes: Season 4 Premiere

By Lisa Fary

Just when I thought it was safe to stop drinking on Monday nights, Heroes season four premieres.

You’d think that after spending so much time watching and bitching, I remember some of what happened on Heroes season 3. There are bits that come to mind: Claire in the comic shop, Matt’s spirit turtle, Hiro being douchey.  But, I can’t draw up a cohesive thought about the storylines from last season. How did it even end?

(And no, I didn’t forget what happened because I had been drinking. Although, I did forget my pants once, but that’s another matter altogether.)

Thank goodness it’s all catalogued on Pink Raygun. When we last saw. . .

. . . Nathan Petrelli, he was dead, but due to the above average negotiating abilities of Adrian Pasdar’s agent, the character hung around. Sort of. But not really. But, there. Kinda.

. . . Sylar, he was re-imaged. But a lousy re-image, like the one done to my work computer (which came back to me with the settings tuned to the Ohio branch). Since Sylar took shapeshifting and healing abilities, he can’t be killed. He was, however, somewhat contained by Matt Parkman. While knocked out, Matt did a mental override, forcing Sylar to reformat himself as Nathan Petrelli. The reimaging was already falling apart before the end of the season finale.

. . . Tracy, she was in the water, running out of faucets and drowning people.

. . . Everyone else. . .  I’m pretty sure we last saw them all standing around a fire, LARPing the funeral pyre scene in Return of the Jedi.

And what of season four?

First impressions, not that bad. Peter has ditched his emo pain and embraced his superhero nature, dedicating his life to saving as many people as possible in his paramedic job. I think this is the direction he always wanted to go in, but getting sucked into Sylar’s perpetual plots was a distraction.

Also newly dedicated, Ando and Hiro, who have opened “Dial-A-Hero” in Tokyo in an effort to make a business out of saving people. Naturally, they only save a little girl’s cat.   Hiro is still having nosebleeds, headaches, and power instability, but it’s due to something not so super.

“I’m dying,” he said.

“Good,” I thought.

Seriously. I’m sick of Hiro. He hasn’t grown, is still being written as the kid from season one. While I appreciate his eternal wonder, he’s also a grown man. Future!Hiro – the soul patched, katana wielding ninja from S1 – his existence was hinged on Ando dying in the initial New York blast.

I would gladly give up Ando and New York to have the promise of Future!Hiro back. Maybe now that Ando has been girlfriended, Hiro will learn to do things on his own. And, for god’s sake, a cute cat now and then is fine, but no more rescuing them, please.

Speaking of hairy things, Claire’s wig is gone. Considering how much more subtle Hayden Panetierre was in her acting this ep, one has to wonder, did she have a wig handicap last season? You know, in addition to the crappy writing handicap?

Matt Parkman is as he always is: insecure, needy, irrational. Now, though, he has an In-Head Sylar. When Matt reformatted Sylar, a little bit of Sylar got stuck in Matt and it pops up from time to time, taunting Matt, encouraging him to use his abilities for darkness. Kind of like Baltar’s In-Head Six, but without the promise of sex.

The new element this season is the Hot Topic Carnival (originally titled the Merry-Go-Round Clearance Rack Carnival, but that was too long and unwieldy; not to mention, who knows how many people remember Merry-Go-Round). Like Heroes itself, the Hot Topic Carnival has a hard on for family and the leader, Samuel, is collecting members.

Samuel’s ability seems to be linked in part to this tattooed girl, who looks like she’s going to spend most of her screen time topless in a chair, getting poked with a stick.

Aside from that bit of absurdity, the Hot Topic Carnival is what I’m most interested in so far. Who are these people? Where did they come from? What are their stories?  And where is this carnival with these good looking carnies? All I’ve ever seen operating the Zipper are toothless meth heads.

After two hours (blessedly without a Mohinder narration, or any sight or mention of him), John said,

“Did that seem to go pretty fast?’

“If by ‘fast’, you mean ‘felt like the two hour running time instead of three hours,’” I replied, “then yes. It went fast.”

Well, Heroes. You’ve done it. I now have a modicum of interest in where you’re going this season, whereas before I thought the only thing going anywhere was me. To the liquor store.

Lisa Fary is a graduate of the creative writing program at Florida State University and holds an advanced degree in Special Education. Her earliest influences are Princess Leia, Rainbow Bright, Astronaut Barbie, and her 6th grade teacher, Ms. Palmer. She’s angry that it’s almost 2010 and she still doesn’t have a hovercraft, but will accept a jetpack as consolation. That jetpack had better be pink with a rhinestone monogram.

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• Here’s a preview of Heroes, season four (tvsquad.com)
• SDCC ’09: Heroes Panel (Spock vs. Spock & Claire Kissing Girls) (screenrant.com)
• Here’s another sneak peek at the new season of Heroes (tvsquad.com)

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