Buffy for Beginners 4.2: Living Conditions

By Sabrina Boyer

My boyfriend’s first year advisor showed this episode to her incoming freshman to get them to talk about issues that might plague them throughout their first college year. This was one of those first year experience things, of course, and I love that one of the first year tribulations would be that you’re not crazy, but your roomie really IS a soul-sucking demon. You know, crazy things like that.

This is one of Buffy’s first year experiences, and the gang doesn’t exactly believe her. But hello, Kathy listens to Celine Dion, like, on repeat. I mean, who else but a demon could listen to Do you believe in love? Over and over?

Episode opens with Kathy acting like mini-mom of Momdonia passive aggressive anal psycho person as she asks Buffy if she took some of her milk, puts Dion on repeat, and asks her to log all her calls. Buffy makes up a lie about getting coffee to go patrolling, and walks with Will instead, lamenting on her luck of roomies. Will wishes her monsters and as Buffy heads off into the dark night alone, a creepy no skin with glowy eyes demon thingie watches her from the bushes. Ah, college is fun.

The no skin demon attacks after Kathy shows up to get coffee and Buffy pushes her off to the side into the bushes. The next morning, Buffy informs Giles about the demon and asks about what Giles has planned. She’s avoiding her roommate, and it’s not just Buffy having a bitch attack. Kathy measures her sharpened pencils to make sure they’re all the same length. Giles encourages a change of heart and Buffy decides to give Kathy a chance; meanwhile, though, Kathy borrows Buffy’s sweater without asking and finds her bag ‘o stakes and crosses. She doesn’t seem perplexed and as Kathy’s waiting in line at the cafeteria, Buffy ducks in front of Parker Abrams at the campus café. He gives her advice on maxing out her dining hall card and sits with Oz, Will and Xander, who has made with the sneaking onto campus. And then Kathy shows up. With Buffy’s sweater. Who’s eating a giant hamburger with droopy ketchup.

As Buffy complains to Will, poor Will has a constant party in her room. Kathy’s back from the bathroom and every little detail is getting to Buffy. She’s labeled all of her food, flosses loudly, and closes the window, as Buffy wants it open. Cut to creepy dream where no skin glowey eyed demon thingie putting scorpions on Buffy’s belly and opening her mouth, sucking light out. The next morning, Buffy shares her concerns about Kathy with Giles, when Kathy shows up. Again. The gang thinks Buffy’s acting weird too, as she’s always complaining about Kathy, bordering on Cordeliaesque. The no skin demons hold some kind of ritual in the woods while Buffy comes home, after a long day of class, to Kathy talking to Parker and listening to, what else, Celine Dion. Kathy seems to be flirting with Parker, and Buffy gets snippy.

And here comes with the girlfight. Locks on the closets, closing and opening of the window, and flossing. Kathy tells Buffy she’s spoiled and that she needs to participate in sharetime. Buffy shows her sharetime as she goes to the mini-fridge and drinks all of Kathy’s milk. Will is worried about Buffy, so Oz volunteers to spend some quality time with her while she patrols. On his way there, he passes by a girl and turns back to look at her. They share a moment. Then a glimpse of the guys in army gear. Buffy shares her hatred of Kathy with Oz. Buffy mimes fake pummeling of Kathy, while Oz tells her “no one deserves mime.” Apparently Kathy is the titanic. She continues to act all weird and Oz is also concerned. About Buffy.

Kathy clips her toenails and it’s the most annoying thing in the world, all slow-mo and littering the floor. Every little sound annoys them both and Dion is making the rounds again. That night, Buffy has the dream again and Kathy bitches to Will. Buffy sees this and freaks. And also, she’s wearing some kind of ugly green and beige military reminding outfit. Not her best. Buffy declares Kathy is evil, that she’s an evil fighter, so the end result is that Buffy is gonna have to kill her. Buffy shows Will Kathy’s evil toenails; they grew after they were cut, and Will thinks Buffy has gone all insane.

Will tells Buffy to go see Giles and calls ahead to warn him of her loopy state. They (Giles, along with Oz and Xander) capture Buffy and tie her up. They don’t believe Buffy when she says “she has body parts that grow after they were cut, she irons her jeans. Love songs. Nothing but love songs. She’s evil!” I have to agree with Buffy. That’s just not ok.

Will warns Kathy and Kath says she thinks Buffy’s capable of anything; if ya ask me, Kathy is the weirdo. Two words. Well, three. Constant. Celine. Dion. Meanwhile, Oz and Xander try not to engage with Buffy as they’re unsure if they tightened her ropes enough; they didn’t. She pummels them and escapes to the room. Let the showdown begin.

“I think we need to talk, don’t you?” Buffy asks. She shifts the rug with her feet. Then Kathy punches Buffy and Buff peels off Kathy’s skin. Turns out, she is one of the no skin eye glowy demon thingies who the other demon thingies are looking for. Of course, Giles figures this out. Buffy’s nightmares were real; Kathy left her dimension to go to college and is borrowing Buffy’s soul so she can go unrecognized by the demons of her other dimension. Giles tells the gang that Buffy was right. Buffy turned all Linda Blair because Kathy was sucking her soul. Giles and Will begin a ritual as Kathy tries to finish sucking out Buffy’s soul. Gile’s ritual works, and Buffy gets her soul back. Kathy is without, and her elders come for her. Bye Bye Kathy. Buh-bye Dion.

Finally, some good music enters into the dorm (Four Star Mary as Dingoes) as Will moves in both her stuff and her dingoes poster. Buffy is glad it was Kathy making her no fun Buffy and just as she says that, Will takes a bite out of her PB&J. Hmmm. Living conditions are tough to handle. Even between best friends.

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About Sabrina Boyer: As a kid my dad would sneak scary movies past my mom and let me indulge in his horror movie fetish. I grew up watching V, Alien Nation, The Thing, The Fog (all originals) and then, in 1992 when Buffy the movie came out, I became obsessed with vampires, girl power, and all things gothic. I once stayed home from school, faked sick, and watched BTVS: the movie 6 times in a row. I know the beginning cheerleading dance by heart (still). Currently, I’m obsessing over Laurell K. Hamilton novels, and dream about Anita Blake being my best friend.

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