By Lisa Fary
I can control BSG by drinking.
As soon as I poured myself a tasty adult bevy (vodka and Pepsi Max, which my friend Charlie Athanas and I have decided to call “The BSG4” – I’m sorry I don’t have a snappier name, but I’d like to retroactively drink this bevy for most of season 4) this ep started getting good.
And it wasn’t because my perception was altered. It takes a bit for it to hit me. Tonight, I sat down with a BSG4* in my hand and shortly thereafter, Starbuck pulled out Hera’s drawing and began playing “All Along the Watchtower”.
From that point, things started happening. Up until then, I felt like I was watching Jimmy Smits die on NYPD Blue all over again.
While Boomer and Chief had their in-head moments, John and I were so bored we were discussing the traits of our imaginary baby (because Boomer’s and Chief’s imaginary baby was kinda lame): The Invincible Galousha Zoltan Rosebud Fary/Dallaire (we’re going to start a slash trend – hyphens are so 20th century), who would shoot lightning bolts from his eyes and poop gold coins whenever we gave him a cookie.
Really, if you’re going to have an imaginary baby, it should be an awesome imaginary baby. That got me thinking. . .
Do Cylons understand the concept of imagination?
Boomer’s and Chief’s imaginary house left a bit to be desired – my imaginary house would be like Cloud City, but pink with white shag carpeting and a karaoke bar, without the double-crossing, cape-wearing scalawag.
However, I’m veering from from the ep.
After all the emo emotions, what did we learn?
- Starbuck’s dad was probably a Cylon.
- Boomer is still a manipulative, duplicitous scab.
- We would have been just as well off tuning in at the 40 minute mark as at the beginning. That’s about when I poured myself the BSG4. Perhaps next week, I should pour the BSG4 at the beginning and the entire ep will be good.
And to top it all off, Helo had his shirt off and we didn’t even get a money shot (on this show or on his other Friday night show). Two hours straight and all we get was back and a flash of bloody nip.
Is it too much to ask for Helo to get naked between now and the end of the series? I feel like we deserve that much. And by “we” I mean “hetero gals who watch BSG”.
Because we do exist. And we can be just as piggy as guys. Just because we’re chicks doesn’t mean we’re going to love Cavil for his mind (his crazy eyebrows get in the way of that).
There are three eps left. Make me proud.
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Lisa Fary’s early exposure to classic Battlestar Galactica in 1979 is largely responsible for her lifelong interest in science fiction and her childhood ambition of being an intergalactic space cowgirl. She thinks diagramming sentences is a fun alternative to Sudoku.
*How to make a BSG4:
- Pour some vodka in a glass. I like Chopin, but I buy Luksuowa
- Fill to brim with Pepsi Max (it must be Pepsi Max. It has caffeine and ginseng – it makes a difference; otherwise you’re just drinking soda with vodka in it. Get the Pepsi Max. You will appreciate it).
- Drink while watching Battlestar Galactica
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Lisa Fary's earliest influences are Princess Leia, Rainbow Bright, Astronaut Barbie, and her 6th grade teacher, Ms. Palmer. She's angry that it's 2011 and she still doesn't have a hovercraft, but will accept a jetpack as consolation. That jetpack had better be pink with a rhinestone monogram. 
Nice recap, Lisa. Although I wouldn't drink them myself due to a long-standing cola aversion, I fully support your judicious application of BSG4s to the vagaries of plot improvement.
I also support your Shirtless Tahmoh Initiative. After being fully clothed in last week's Dollhouse, and out of focus while in various states of undress on both shows this week, we are running dangerously behind on our quotas. Sadly, I don't see that changing much on BSG, what with Athena feeling all betrayed by his frakking Boomer, so Whedon is just going to have to follow through on his campaign promise and give us that much more nekkid Paul.
There's still plenty of time for emo emotions in the shower and what not. I have hope for a naked Helo.
naked helo! naked helo!!
mannn….how hard must it have been for athena to watch boomer frack helo??? at least when faith fracked riley whilst in buffy's body, buffy wasn't gagged and forced to watch.
i really liked this episode! i thought chief did a great job in conveying desperation, and the whole starbuck creepy music thing was pretty compelling (it was nice to see her in a position to be somewhat sentimental). also- is the piano dude starbuck's dad, or is he just a symbol for starbuck's dad?? thought that was interesting and kind of beautifully done.
"Is it too much to ask for Helo to get naked between now and the end of the series? I feel like we deserve that much. And by we I mean hetero gals who watch BSG."
So say we all.
A suitable stand in for naked Helo would be naked Anders (but not comatose, brain damaged Anders – he should be downloaded and stepping out of a tub of goo).
Cylons are more human then humans!
There were two really good in-jokes in this episode. One was when Starbuck's daddy launched in to the "There are those who believe" fanfare from the original show, claiming it was his own original piece, and then Starbuck immediately nails him for plagiarizing from an older, better known composer. So they made a gag within a gag of that, I loved it.
The other one was "Felgercarb" brand toothpaste. "Felgercarb" was the second-most-commonly-used fake profanity from the old show. ("Frack" = "fuck" then as now; "Felgercarb" = "Shit.")
Sorry you didn't like the episode. I thought it was much better than last week.
It was better than last week – I didn't even write about "Deadlock" because it left me feeling so meh. And this one did manage to redeem itself toward the end.
Maybe they've been making so many dull episodes as their way of administering methadone to their fans. It's hard for people to give up the high of heroin at the same time they suffer the pangs of withdrawal, so using methadone postpones withdrawal while learning to get by without the "fun" of the high. So 2009 is Galactica methadone, chock full of episodes without enjoyment to prepare us to do without the show altogether.
I hadn't thought of it that way. Mostly, I feel like we're in that uncomfortable waiting period between terminal diagnosis and the end.
I'm guessing he was a symbol, but I also wouldn't be surprised if there was a resemblance. As bored as I was for the first forty minutes or so, the acting was still top notch. Has been all season.
I don't think they've been all that boring. "Deadlock" sucked, of course, but episodes 10 through the one before Deadlock were really good.
I wish they would just explain what the frak the deal with starbuck is and get it over with. It's the only really interesting thing left.
The whole thing is building up to a final showdown between Cavil's cavalcade of cylons and the fleet (along with the cylons in the fleet when they don't want to run off to Vegas with the final five for some private time) over Hera. Which is kind of silly if Starbuck's dad is a cylon, because it would make her a human-cylon hybrid, diminishing Hera's importance.
And what ever happened to cylons 4 and 5? Did I miss something with them? Or are they off making s'mores in the background somewhere?
I've wondered why we haven't seen the skinny white dude cylon or the black cylon – since we haven't seen them, I can only assume that they're with Cavil. Probably making s'mores.
These guys don't seem to be all that concerned about continuity – mythos, yes; continuity, no. Case in point, Callie's baby, once brought with her into the launch tube for possible murder-suicide due to his hybridness, was retroactively fully human. Learning that a few eps ago rendered Callie's launch tube antics pointless.
It's just noticeable that the other cylons are m.i.a. Granted that the black doctor was pretty minor to begin with, but the other, 5 I think, was pretty important in the mini-series and first couple seasons.
And I absolutely HATE what they did with and to Callie. She was one of my favorite characters and they made her into little more than a wacko slut, and I don't like that.