Rob Kutner Will Survive The Apocalypse

By Lisa Fary

When it comes to the end of the world, there are a lot of options. There’s the large hadron collider, the supervolcano underneath Yellowstone, the magnetic pole shift, just to name a few. And with 2012 bearing down on us like a giant, runaway cheese wheel, there’s no shortage of books being published detailing exactly how we’re all going to die.

But, none of those books takes on the useful task to telling us how to live if we survive the end of the world. Enter Rob Kutner, writer on The Daily Show, and end of the world survivalist guru, who I met at the 2009 New York Comicon.

Lisa Fary: How is your apocalypse book different from others currently in bookstores?

Rob Kutner: Mine is Apocalypse How: How to Turn the End Times to the Best of Times. It’s basically the most optimistic apocalypse book you’ll ever buy. I believe that the end of the world will be better than the current world in a number of different ways. And I show you how by offering very practical tips on everything from food to fashion to finance to dating to career. You name it. In addition, the pages of the book are filled with protein, can be used to build a fire, a paper airplane for a weapon, or a white flag of surrender. You’re fully covered for the end of the world if you buy this book.

LF: What are some of your end of the world scenarios?

RK: I outline the nine most likely scenarios according to Apocolaboratories. Those range from alien invasion to nuclear war, rise of the machines, bioterrorism, environmental destruction, the Christians were right, and supervillain. So, if any of those things happen, I have advice for it.

LF: Is there a particular end of the world scenario that you’re really rooting for?

RK: End of the world via supervillain is the most likely. I feel like with all the bureaucracy of our homeland security department, it’s only a matter of time before one of those 007 or 24 supervillain schemes actually works. We don’t have any James Bonds or Jack Bauers, so it’s only a matter of time before one of those guys with father issues and narcissistic complexes shows up and pulls it off. I would enjoy that because I would use them as a profit sharing partner in my book.

LF: Say we have a rise of the machines type of situation and I manage to live through that. What are your best tips for me to find a date? Or just to find a guy who will forage for food?

RK: As in the current world, you could exaggerate your profile. Emphasize things like child-bearing hips, working parts, non-irradiated bits. There will be a lot of downtime in the apocalypse, so if you’re a good conversationalist that may actually be to your advantage. Dragability is also good. You have long hair, so you may want to say that you come with a built in handle.

Apocalypse How is available at Amazon.com.

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Lisa Fary’s early exposure to classic Battlestar Galactica in 1979 is largely responsible for her lifelong interest in science fiction and her childhood ambition of being an intergalactic space cowgirl. She thinks diagramming sentences is a fun alternative to Sudoku. She also comes with a built in handle.