Remaking…sorry, “Re-Imagining” The Thing

By Rhea Dee

I don’t mind remakes. I mean, how can I?  I love horror films and half of the blockbuster horror flicks nowadays are remakes.

On top of that, some of my favorite horror films are remakes.  The Blob (1988).  House on Haunted Hill (1999).  I like the originals, sure, but those remakes are pretty good as well.

Actually, I think most people don’t mind remakes.  But I do think that everyone has that one film that they never want to see remade.   One film that they treasure above all others.  One film that would induce hissyfits when it gets remade.

Today, I found that movie.  And oddly, it was originally a remake.

Ronald D. Moore (Battlestar Galactica) is writing a “re-imagining” of John Carpenter’s The Thing, which itself is a remake of the Howard Hawks film The Thing From Another World.  Apparently, the film is going to draw more from the short story “Who Goes There?” which both films were based on, and will be a prequel of sorts to the events that happened in John Carpenter’s The Thing.

God, where do I start? Okay, how about this: I don’t trust the BSG guy.  Yeah, he crafted three seasons of awesome, but he also crafted one season of suck.  Boring suck.  I realize that the suck of BSG probably shouldn’t be a factor since there are probably many aspects that bring the suck to the 4th (and final! as they keep reminding us) season of BSG, but I can’t help but be a bit worried since Moore IS involved with the suck.

Secondly, I hate the term “re-imagining.”  You know where I first heard that term?  When Tim Burton decided to remake…I’m sorry “re-imagine” Planet of the Apes.   Which sucked.  Chances are if you are using that term your idea or script or whatever already blows.  John Carpenter never used the word re-imagining for his remake and yet his film is truly a re-imagining, down to the most basic aspect–in the Hawks version, the Thing was an actual monster, and in the Carpenter version, it was an alien virus that infected hosts and eventually turned them into monsters.

Next is the fact that this is being sold as some sort of prequel to Carpenter’s The Thing.  I read the prequel synopsis on Bloody Disgusting, and I have to point out that the prequel synopsis is actually a summary for The Thing.  Woo, look at the re-imagining at work!

I could go on forever about every little thing that bugs me.  But I’ll just end with this: John Carpenter’s The Thing was a pinnacle in sci-fi horror crossovers of the day.  On one hand, you had a truly terrifying sci-fi story that is driven by paranoia and possible apocalypse.  One the other, you had a super gore fest typical of the movies during the time.

The Thing is not some Jason slasher flick that can be updated to scare new audiences.  (Although to be honest, there’s nothing new anybody can bring to Jason.  He’s had like a million sequels, okay?  I have no idea how this new one is gonna be “original”.)  The Thing is a timeless classic.  Like Psycho.  And we all saw what horrible things happened when Psycho got remade.  There is nothing to be improved on when you remake The Thing. NOTHING.

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Rhea Dee teeters between hipster and geek.  (At least that’s what that one quiz said.)  She spends her time collecting vintage dresses, daydreaming about Edgar Wright, and pondering the genius of John Carpenter soundtracks.  You can read more of her junk at Girl Heart Horror, where she blabs about how TOTALLY awesome horror is.  Like, for serious.

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