“Hey! I don’t have to put up with this! I’m rich!” - Princess Vespa

or, Are Geeks Becoming Social Fascists?

By Lisa Fary

Wired is running their Sexiest Geeks of 2008 poll, getting reactions from drooled-on keyboards to geek elitism.  Drool, I expect.  The elitism concerns me.

The Sexiest Geeks of 2008 is a user generated list, not something developed by editors.  True, several of the women on the list have acted in geeky movies and television shows and it’s not known if they’re actually into geeky stuff.

But, there are a lot of women on the list who are into traditionally geeky stuff.  Danica McKellar is an actress and mathematician who has written two math books aimed at middle school girls. There is also Jade Raymond, producer at Ubisoft Games.  Philologist Marina Orlova from Hot for Words.  Chess Grandmaster Alexandra Kosteniuk. Geek singer Marina Call.  And so on and so on.  Real geeks, real pretty.

I’m not bothered by this. I’ve moved past the second-wave feminist ideas about physical beauty and the patriarchy that I flung around with abandon in my former life as a collegiate academic.  I get that making an effort to look presentable really does help in life and I don’t resent it.  The sexy sex-object part doesn’t bother me either because, let’s face it, I’m always looking for reasons to post hot pictures of guys on Pink Raygun.

Come on, Pink Raygun once ran an analysis of Jack Sheppard’s chest hair and has made references to the TV Boyfriend Petting Zoo. Obviously, I dig sexy.

What does bother me about the Sexiest Geeks of 2008 is the geek elitism appearing in the comments. Comments listing characteristics of true geekdom, many of which had me questioning my own geekdom. Here’s a sampler:

• I’ll bet none of them know the difference between a Blackberry and an iPhone
• Must be able to write your own Desktop widgets or customize you system in some way.
• Simply liking games isn’t enough for a girl to be considered a geek anymore.
• For true geek cred you must have an intellectual pursuit, preferably obscure. of some kind. Such as ancient egyptian algebra or perl.
• Have you ever READ McKellar’s book? It’s targeted towards bimbo tweeners.
• A woman loses geek cred in my book when she poses in lingerie or a bathing suit.
• So these girls are “geeks” because they once appeared in *some kind* of geek-related movie???? Or write in their little blog???!

And then, the comment thread wouldn’t be complete if some guy didn’t say all the girls were ugly:

• Those pics made you drool? if bad posing & bad lighting turn you on, you need help. What does a Hanes Her Way, or Victoria’s Secret ad do for you? Sorry, I just don’t see them as drool-able.

Sooooo, according to these criteria, in order to be a geek, I must be able to do some level of programming beyond HTML, have a weird hobby I pursue with the singlemindedness of an Asperger’s sufferer, and be good at math so I won’t have to reference McKellar’s books.  Because, apparently, if you suck at math, you’re a bimbo.

I guess I’ll just go try out for the cheerleading squad, then.

Oh wait. I can’t, because I like weird stuff, won’t wear contacts, and think that “Must like Star Wars or Star Trek, preferably both” is an acceptable criterion to list for the perfect guy on a Match.com profile.

Sorry, but I’ve always been a geek, not just self-identified, but identified by others and not in an endearing way.  “Geek” was what I was called in middle school and in high school because I liked getting good grades, I liked science labs, I liked reading.  “Geek” was what I was called because my clothes didn’t fit me properly, my skin was broken out, and my hair was too oily to feather properly.

A lot of modern geeks were similarly ostracized in middle and high school and our punishers were the Beautiful People.  You know, the Beautiful People who had fabulous parties on the weekends while their parents were away.  The Beautiful People who got by on their looks while shoving group work off on us.  The Beautiful People who got attention for nothing more than their genetic luck.

The Sexiest Geeks of 2008 cuts right down to our insecure high school geek selves.  For the adult geek boy, it’s a lot like looking at the hot girls you could never get in high school, except now, they can talk to you about your stuff (and you’re still never gonna get them).  For the adult geek girl, this list is a lot like looking on our high school tormentors again, but now they’ve appropriated our stuff and our dating pool.

Of course, in American culture, “geek” and “sexy” are antithetical and we learn that at a very young age, usually at about middle school, when puberty rides in and being smart starts being really sucky.  Psychotherpist David Anderegg says it’s because tweens and teens are, socially, fascist pigs, imposing their preconceived sense of normality on themselves and everyone around them. Sexy is normal; smart and geeky are not.

Anderegg postulates that this social fascism is one of the reasons why math scores in the United States plummet in the middle school years and never recover, and why you have to go to India to get an engineer.

Hence the need for Danica McKellar’s math books.  Girls in particular are most likely to stop trying in math class in middle school because it’s not socially acceptable at that age to be good at math.  Geek = Death in middle school.

The world is hostile enough to geeks. Do we have to be hostile to each other within our own ranks?  Shouldn’t we, as enlightened, adult geeks, be more open minded than your average middle school tween?

Besides, all those commenters are wrong about true geekdom.  To be a true geek in the original sense of the world, you have to bite the heads off of live chickens at a carnival.  I’m just saying.

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Lisa Fary’s early exposure to classic Battlestar Galactica in 1979 is largely responsible for her lifelong interest in science fiction and her childhood ambition of being an intergalactic space cowgirl. She thinks diagramming sentences is a fun alternative to Sudoku.