“Life’s a bitch, now so am I.” - Catwoman

By TrinityVixen

“Allllllll riiiiiiiggghhhttt!! It’s nine in the pee-em, I’m Gabriel Gray, and you’re rocking out to KPWR’s non-stop vengeance block! There’s still time to call in and request a person you would like to have me smite on air!”

Volume Three, Chapter Thirteen – “Dual”

Watch the opener of this episode and tell me that’s an exaggeration. I dare you. Sylar leads us over the loftily philosophical starting monologue. (I assume Sendhil Rammamurthy had laryngitis that day?) He wants to play a little game. Some people are so ungrateful just to be alive…

Ooh, I beg your pardon; I’ve gotten this episode confused with the Saw movies. Can’t imagine how that happened. Having Sylar, who was most notorious for moving in for quick, efficient kills before they neutered him, suddenly act out a death game for the players at Primatech (Angela Petrelli, Mr. Bennet, Claire, and Meredith) is another swerving turn in this frequently derailed “volume.” Don’t get me wrong, having Sylar be a knock-off Jigsaw is still preferable to him being a good boy. I just didn’t know that you could make more than one 180-degree turn in a story and not just wind up exactly where you were. I suppose if you move through a three-dimensional Cartesian system, you can. But that would suppose that this show is capable of constructing three-dimensional characters, which is, frankly, unsupported by the evidence of at least two, if not all three of the volumes so far.

In Sylar’s Primatech playground, his on-going obsession with Claire merges with his desire for revenge on Angela for lying to him about being his mommy. Either Claire pops Angela in the face with a shotgun, or Daddy Bennet bites it. Sylar leaves Claire to decide which one she’ll protect at the expense of the other. (“Live or die: make your choice.”) All the while, as he admits to her when he tracks her down himself, Sylar is aware that it’s a foregone conclusion that Claire will save Mr. B over Angela. This would appear to make trying to force her into a damned-if-she-does-and-damned-if-she-doesn’t situation sort of pointless, really. Maybe he’s turned on by her comment that he needs a spanking. (Claire, like me, readily volunteers to handle that particular duty. And Sylar must approve because he immediately calls her after she issues the idle threat to turn all twenty feet of him over her tiny knees.)

Also, since he’s used to sneak-attack decapitations, it’s no surprise that Sylar is really bad at setting up his death traps. Mr. Bennet unlocks the cages in Level 5 and sets some bad guys after the Big Bad Sylar with the promise of freedom in exchange for Sylar’s head. (Mr. Bennet isn’t trapped in a building with Sylar: Sylar is trapped in tight quarters with Mr. Bennet.) The Puppetmaster tries to control Sylar and gets his brain blended out his nose. It must be the height of insult that Sylar doesn’t bother to take his powers. And why should he? Sylar’s will is more supernaturally strong than the guy whose entire power is suggestion. All this so Sylar can just hit Meredith up with some adrenaline and lock her in a cell with Bennet and one bullet to prove to Claire that Mr. B isn’t a nice guy. (Duh, dude.) And Claire still goes to save him. When Claire can thwart your death trap, it’s time to throw in the towel.

Meredith explodes, probably dying in the process, but Claire, Mr. Bennet and Angela are well clear of the building when it happens. Because not only has Sylar lost track of how simple plans are always better than complicated ones vis a vis homicide, but he let Claire sneak up on him and stick him in the sweet spot. Sylar finds out Angela knows who his real parents are and then bang! Dead (-ish). But yes, he’s still vulnerable in the parents. Bottom line: Primatech is gone, and the survivors are on the run.

It’s not a good day for the Petrelli legacy in general because across the city, Pinehearst’s futures are also going up in smoke. Peter teams with Knox and Flint (I know!) to take out Pinehearst’s supply of the Formula before any more soldiers can get the Kyle Baldwin treatment. Mohinder, not dying fast enough from his out-of-control mutation, screams at Peter about how he’s teamed with monsters and murderers in pursuit of eliminating the Formula. Funny how the guy who kidnapped people and sticky-tacked them to the walls of his laboratory thinks he has moral high ground under his scaly feet–against Peter Paragon, no less. Mohinder gets some stuffing knocked out of him and is then bathed in the Formula when Peter and Flint decide to spill it on the floor and set it on fire. So much for Peter’s disgust at his new compatriot’s bloodthirstiness: he doesn’t even seem to notice that Suresh is left behind when he flies the coop.

Yes, flies. Nathan has a taken a turn for the megalomaniacal; he’s ready to turn the world super by hook or by crook. Or by pipe! I confess I enjoyed Nathan beating the tar out of Peter with a giant pipe. Of course, Nathan’s sudden, neck-breaking turn for the wicked has to come to a bad end: he is trapped in the flames as the Formula burns and Peter must dose himself in order to save his brother. Miles away, Peter lands so Nathan can then call shenanigans on Peter’s moral stance against the Formula. Peter pretends to be ashamed; the show doesn’t blame him because he did it to save Nathan (whom he still loves because PETER IS AWESOME). Nathan, who would not have been so generous were the tables turned, says as much and gets to look like a total douche. (Oh, and Mohinder escaped and is totally fine now and riding with Tracey to destinations unknown, thanks for asking. Srsly u guys.) In the preview for Volume Four, Nathan decides to narc on the heroes. Why, yessir, Mr. President, sir, Nathan will go fascist on his super-brothers and –sisters and help round them up into camps. This show really hates Nathan for no reason at all except that it adores Peter and wants to exploit the brother vs. brother narrative for at least thirteen more seasons. (Please, Nathan’s God, I’m begging you: NO.)

At least the show is finally moving in the right direction. For starters, they’re burning off extraneous characters and plot devices. (Sometimes literally. Rest in fiery peace, Meredith. Have fun in frosty Hell, Knox.) The Formula and all the insanity it has unleashed are gone forever, much like the Shanti virus. (The what?) Except not because Formula-created supers Nathan, Tracey (and possibly another of her sisters), Mohinder, Ando (there are no humans left besides Mr. Bennet at this point), and Peter all still have powers as a result of this plot travesty. “La-la-la can’t hear you, Ms. Continuity, you’ll have to try again when we’re not all stupid here. Bryan Fuller should be back soon. He can help you then.”

I realize sarcasm is difficult to parse some times, so I will admit up front I didn’t hate this ridiculousness. It was almost campy and it was definitely fun. They touched briefly on deeper things—the nature of time travel, why supers get the powers they do (hint: Daphne thinks it has to do with the problems they face in their lives before the powers activate), the stupidity of setting companies against companies instead of people against people—most of which will probably be ignored in the new year. However, as the last two episodes have been surprisingly less awful than the rest of the season so far, I’m prepared to be fair about the show’s chances of turning the Titanic around. I hereby resolve not to hate this show in advance and dread its airing every week as I have done for the past three months. That’s the best I can do.

Happy Holidays, one and all. See you in Volume Four.

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About TrinityVixen: There’s an asterisk on TrinityVixen’scollege transcript that assures anyone who reads it that, though there is no specific major, degree, or certificate for it, she did, in fact, complete some kind of creative writing program as an undergrad. Armed with that symbol of irrelevant experience, she has polluted the internet with her opinions and horrible fanworks ever since (and for quite a long while before). Living poor in New York until she finds a means to become independently wealthy, she must subsist on the juicy meat of fandom. Fandom and noodles. And instant soup.