Tim Kring Says You’re A Sap

By Lisa Fary

Why fix Heroes when you can bitch about fans and DVR? That’s so much more productive.

According to Tim Kring, Heroes isn’t doing as well because. . . well, you read it:

“It’s a very flawed way of telling stories on network television right now, because of the advent of the DVR and online streaming. The engine that drove [serialized TV] was you had to be in front of the TV [when it aired]. Now you can watch it when you want, where you want, how you want to watch it, and almost all of those ways are superior to watching it on air.”

Soooo. . . Heroes has turned lousy because people use DVRs? Because of online streaming?  Because it’s 2008 and not 1985?

I thought DVR and online streaming only made a show more accessible to a wider audience.  I didn’t realize that it was DVR and streaming that made Tim Kring rape Hiro, castrate Sylar, and and turn Hispanic and black characters into Red Shirts.  It’s the viewers and their modes of viewing that are holding the show back, not those responsible for making the show.  Got it.

But wait.  There’s more.

“So [watching it] on air is related to the saps and the dips***s who can’t figure out how to watch it in a superior way.”

Saps?  Dip$h!ts!

I don’t want to watch Heroes for free on NBC’s website. I may watch webshows, but not Heroes webisodes (TrinityVixen went there this summer and was not pleased). I want to watch Heroes in high-def on my big, flatscreen HDTV.  That’s why we got the damn thing – so we don’t have to deal with a tiny, grainy picture. So we can see Peter Petrelli think really hard in high-def.

Heroes used to be my weekly appointment with Awesome.  I DVR Heroes, but I also keep showing up to the appointment thinking that, maybe this week, Awesome would find it’s way back from the strip club or the golf course or George Lucas’ hot tub long enough to say, “Hi” or “This is not the Awesome you’re looking for – move along.”  I guess that makes me a sap.

Besides, it’s helpful to DVR Heroes and start watching it about fifteen minutes after airing because then I can capture my rage in almost real time and fast forward through commercials.  If I’m going to sit through the rape of Hiro, I’m not going to sit through ads for Sprint and Nissan, too.  Not to mention that Comcast On Demand charges $.99 to watch Heroes whenever I want to watch it.  I’d say that watching it for free is superior to paying for it (paying for it would make me a dip$h!t).

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Lisa Fary’s early exposure to classic Battlestar Galactica in 1979 is largely responsible for her lifelong interest in science fiction and her childhood ambition of being an intergalactic space cowgirl. She thinks diagramming sentences is a fun alternative to Sudoku.

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