We the Geeks of the United States



by Nancy Mathews

Dear Joe Six Pack,

I wanted to write to you to assure you that all is well. There is no need to fear the Presidency of Barack Obama. The geeks and nerds of the world are extremely trustworthy. We are typically very good at what we do. We don’t read to ignore you, we read to gain knowledge. Think of college as the ultimate instruction booklet for an intellectual. It helps us learn how to think for ourselves and teaches us how to acquire more knowledge as challenges face us.

I realize back in high school you didn’t hold us in high esteem. We were freaks, you were jocks and frat boys, but we’ve all grown up. You own your very successful plumbing business and we run Microsoft and Apple. We brought you DVRs, cell phones and MySpace. All for you to enjoy. We don’t keep our successes to ourselves – we share them with the less intellectually fortunate than us.

Should you still be concerned, fear not, those incidents of being pushed into lockers, or into toilets are long forgotten. The millions of wedgies and times you called geek/nerd males “gay” are forgotten. Truly. We need to come together as one nation. The freaks, geeks, and nerds are here to herald you into a new age. A time where diversity is celebrated, wealth is spread and education valued. It can be a wonderful place for us all.

So relax, sit back. We’ve got this. You go fix pipes, build houses, run corporations. We’ll take care of the government and remember:

 Revenge of the Nerds was only a movie, right?

With love,

The Liberal Intellectual Elite

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Nancy Mathews works very hard at masquerading as a grown up to go to work and raise her two sons. Once the sun goes down she reverts to the 10 year old that she actually is. You can follow her plans for world domination through the formation of an army of knitters on her blog, Bronxgirlknits.

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15 Comments

  1. This was freaking brilliant! :) Thank you.

  2. Very nice. Remember ’swirlies’? I’m sure you do, Mr. Six-Pack.

  3. gt0163c

    Funny…except that there are some geeks who supported John McCain. I’m one of them. I work with a lot of them, hang out with even more. Some of us might even be considered “young”. We’re smart, conservative and aren’t convinced that Mr. Obama was the right choice to lead our country. But, that’s okay. It’s the way our government works. I’m confident that Mr. Obama will do the best he can in his new job. We just disagree on some fundamental issues.

  4. @gt0163c: I think you’re right. I also wish more conservatives shared your positive attitude.

  5. Hoobajoobah

    I think a lot of ‘em do. We haven’t seen any rioting, we haven’t seen any loud complaining, I haven’t heard a single “Black House” joke yet. There was a little boo-ing when McCain surrendered last night, but he squashed that himself, and the general consensus seems to be that Obama rand a solid race and got a solid victory out of it. I haven’t seen any of the whining I saw when Clinton was elected in ‘92, nor any of the petulant hissy-fits the Democrats threw in ‘00 and ‘04. I think they’re on board with this, and I think they’re guardedly optomistic.

    And I’ll tell you why:

    Even if Obama is diametrically opposed to the Republican Way Of Life (Whatever that is), he represents a regime change within the democratic party. He’s comfortable with religious people, and seems to respect his opponents as opposed to assuming anyone who disagrees with him is an inbred hilbilly. That, coupled with his obvious optomism and energy has made people who voted against him hope that that his victory isn’t a defeat for them, personally.

  6. gt0163c

    @Hoobajoobah: I think another reason that there hasn’t been the major backlash from Republicans is that John McCain ran a campaign that discouraged that. Throughout the campain he discouraged a lot of the bad mouthing of his opponent. I remember specifically during a “town hall style” campaign appearance, one of the questioners said he was afraid of an Obama presidency. McCain said that he shouldn’t be and was fairly forceful in that assertion. There just wasn’t a lot of personal attacks this time around. If nothing else, McCain is an honorable guy and I think that and I think that attitude helped to set the tone for the campaign and that has carried over into the election aftermath.

  7. Hoobajoobah

    Ah, shit. Those bastards…dammit to hell. I agree with you.

  8. gt0163c

    @Space Cowboy: Agreed. I just don’t understand why people think it’s good and right to destroy other’s property when things bad or good happen, especially burning churches. And what’s up with burning cars when sports teams win championship? I grew up outside of Detroit during the years when arson ran rampant the night before Halloween and there were almost riots in the streets when the Tigers or the Pistons won championships and I was in Atlanta when the Braves won the World Sieres. Again, people burned cars and such. I just don’t get it.

  9. Same thing happened here when the Phillies won the series this year. Cars were overturned, stores were looted, there were fires. I’m going to go out on a limb and say that hardcore sports fans are idiots.

  10. Hoobajoobah

    I think it’s just Keystoners, really. Detroit is a hellhole, and people just like to burn stuff on any provocation, but Keystoners – wow. They’re just mean. I’ve been in other cities when the local team won the world series, and no one trashes their own town for that.

  11. I don’t know. When the Arizona Wildcats won the NCAA tournament a few years ago, Tucson fans went nuts and did some trashing, even if it was limited to a three block length on one road. I stand by my observation. :)

  12. Sadie

    Self professed highly successful geek here. I am a non-Obama supporter despite being a registered democrat who NEVER before voted for a Republican presidential candidate in 25+ years of exercising my right to vote. While I respect him for what he has accomplished, I find Obama to be a completely manufactured candidate, who won through a highly orchestrated, well-funded marketing campaign. This to me clearly demonstrates that with enough advertising budget you can sell the uneducated constituents of the American public just about anything. Obama was elected primarily as a result of the swarm of lemming like first time voters, who took no time to understand the issues and implications of his plans for our country. Be careful what you wish for…. you just may get it. I am fearful for our future.

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