Supernatural – Monster Mash

Late October Monster Ghetto
by Sylvia Bond
Supernatural Episode Review – Season Four, Episode Five
“Monster Mash”

Long about now, when the sunlight slants low across the earth, when the leaves start to take on spooky, glowy hues and the frost sears the foliage away from the pumpkins so that they lay round and brilliant orange against the frozen mud, tons of TV shows get a wild hair up their respective you-know-wheres and decide to do a Halloween-themed episode. It’s not original by any means, but it sure is fun, because it puts characters we know and love (some we just know) into familiar, psuedo spooky situations, goofy costumes perhaps, and mixes it up so that we, the viewers, can get into the swing of the thing and have some laughs. No need to take a TV show so seriously all the time, right? Well, I probably do, so this type of episode is rather like a walk in the park on a sunny day, which I sometimes don’t realize I need. Just like I never realized that I also needed to see Dean (and Ackles) dressed in leather. I guess I know better now, huh?

The opening credits, including the overly dramatic musical score, tip me off in short order just what kind of cheesy fun I’m about to have. Being a fan of old time Hollywood monster movies myself, I thought the whole thing a hoot and a half. Yeah, cause they used to do it JUST like that – building the drama and tension from the first flicker of the screen. Only this being Show, the grey-on-grey colors and the fake lightning that comes at a low angle through the trees (from only one direction) just adds to the whole tongue in cheek feel. And I did a WHOOT WHOOT to see Ackles and Padalecki get billing not only on the same screen, but on the same line. I’ve never understood Show’s logic in how they determine who gets top billing, because doesn’t “A” come before “P?”

I’m a sucker for the interesting contrasts in b/w photographs, and love old films, so this ep was a treat for me. Although, I did find that it looked like a filter was used to take away the color, rather than having real b/w film used, so there wasn’t quite the depth I’m used to seeing, and such as you might find in films from the ’30’s. Still, I have to hand it for Show for taking the risk and for doing it well. Plus, that little circle that shrunk so that the only thing we were seeing was the Impala? Priceless. Show is about to go, as they say, into the twilight zone!

And straight into my fangirl heart, because wouldn’t you know, they start off with a good old-fashioned car dither, where Dean talks up a storm about them doing a gig right out of the good old days, a nice, black and white job that they’ll no doubt wrap up in no time. While Dean’s mouth is moving (always nice), Sam is doing a classic Sammy Mope, with that flashlight making circles of light to reflect back up into his beautifully intelligent face. The b/w technique gave a nice twist to the visuals, turning this quintessential dither into something arty and interesting in a new way. The stark light makes handsome, boyish profiles sharp, the whites of eyes glitter, and throws Sam’s hair across his forehead and Dean’s pouty mouth into high relief. It’s like looking at those photographs, you know the ones, the black and white ones in museums that are supposed to be Meaningful but which I can only look at for so long before I’m looking for the guy with the tray of champagne flutes. However, in the boys’ case, I could look all day and never get bored. 

The story opens properly at an Octoberfest in a town that in Pennsylvania (instead of Transylvania, ha ha), the setting for which is straight out of a Universal Pictures monster movie. (And the Studio Tour, if you’ve ever taken that.) The boys this week are disguised as FBI agents, complete with the perfect parking right out front and those suits that make them look like undertakers in training. Handsome undertakers, mind, even though they stick out from the touristy throng so very, very badly. But before the boys talk to the local authorities, we have some classic, brotherly fun, those to-die-for snippets of conversations that if you’re a True Fan make you just want to write a letter to Show to say a big fat THANK YOU. 

It’s stuff like Dean saying he wants to see the new Raiders movie (I love his taste!), but Sam says he’s already seen it. Dean wants to know when, and Sam says, “While you were in hell.” Dean’s pissed even though, logically, he was dead, and while I’m busy laughing at this bit of dark comedy, Dean rushes to get him and Sam some big fat pretzels. I’m shocked, I tell you, SHOCKED that he completely forgot the mustard, but what I notice right off is Sam’s smile as he not only remembers Dean’s lust for life but is prepared to accommodate it as well. There’s not only joy there in his face, but acceptance, and I really like how Padalecki can do one thing with his mouth (trying to frown) while out of his eyes shines Sam’s love for his brother. It’s a really nice moment. 

That naturally gets sucked into more of Dean’s lust for life as, mouth full of pretzel, he spots the COW, which actually means Chick of the Week, and not the thing you were thinking it meant. More, it means that the Dean I know and love, the Dean that is the Best-Night-of-Someone’s-Life Dean is back in full swing, prowling around, chasing skirts, and ready to, as it were, jump back in the saddle. He’s back to his old self, and like that walk in a park on a sunny day, gives me yet another reason to smile. And, as always, Sam is at his side, with that look on his face that says that he knows perfectly well that Dean’s gotta do what Dean’s gotta do, and there ain’t no getting around that. But seeing as his brother is back from hell, and there’s no sign (nor mention) of that obnoxious soap angel, I don’t think he really minds. 

The boys, disguised as Agents Angus and Young (which is the first and last name of the lead guitarist of AC/DC, and yeah, I had to look it up) talk to the sheriff, who takes them to the morgue, complete with more overly dramatic music. Naturally the morgue also provides golden opportunities for creepy Twin Peaks lighting (the swirling fan off to the side casts alternating black and white, blade shaped shadows; I expected the overhead lights to start flickering any minute as well, but they didn’t), and a sheriff who’s more interested how the murders are going to affect the bottom dollar during tourist season (a la “Jaws”), than how the dead person is going to affect left-behind loved ones. During a lovely close-up of Sam’s face, you can see his mouth doing a little frowny thing right before he smiles, like he’s trying to shut his own mouth against a diatribe that he would love to hurl at the sheriff, who obviously needs to get his priorities in order.  Sam’s expression is what makes the scene for me because this is the Sam I know and love, this is the Sam who walks around carrying a boatload of moral indignation at the cruelty of the world, the Sam who actually believes that by doing good he can earn points to get him a ticket to heaven. This is the pure Sam, the one who isn’t slutting around with that skank Ruby. This ep, anyway. 

The boys head into the tavern (or pub or whatever) and talk to the COW, whose name is Jamie and who, while she’s not quite immune to Dean’s charms (she’d have to be in a glass bubble or something to do that) is able to fend him off with some smiles and smart comments, and I decide right away that I like her. Show is able to cast these one-off characters perfectly for some reason, and as such, Jamie rocks. She reminded me of Madison from “Heart,” with her wide, generous mouth, that tumble of hair (blonde this time), and the steady, intelligent shine in her eyes. We get more Pure Dean here as well, while Sam plays straight man to Dean’s overly done Casanova style as he announces that he’s a “maverick” and a “rebel with a badge,” none of which Jamie falls for. You Go, girl! 

The boys interview Ed Brewer, who, mmmmmmmmm, is drinking BREW from a huge beer stein, and I wonder if there’s a joke there that we’re supposed to be getting? Again, the one-off character of Ed is a perfectly perfect geek, with a sinusy voice and awkward gestures that seem to indicate that he’s not very well socialized. Neither do the boys believe him when he starts describing the “dracula” that he saw, turning the name into a noun the way people do when they’ve not been formally schooled in vampirism. But, since the gig is not their kind of weird, this allows the boys to kick back and cool their heels, and have, pretty much the funnest conversation ever while they drink some nice beer. 

First up, Dean refers to wenches, and Sam assures him (with that bitter just-sucked-a-lemon expression he sometimes gets when he thinks Dean is being particularly uncouth, a behavior I think Dean does JUST so he can see Sam look like that!) that women don’t appreciate being referred to that way. Dean knows better, and so do I; there’s something about putting on a costume and getting into the role that you’re playing that makes it fun. When Dean calls for the bar wench (Jamie) to bring some beer, she responds with a smile (only slightly sarcastic) and a hearty “Yes, Good Sir!” Score, DEAN!

Second, the whole re-hymenated conversation left me howling so hard, I had to get up to move around, get some air in my lungs so I could breathe like a sane person instead of like a winded hyena. I like it that Show took about a minute or so to respond to the whole “where did Dean’s scars go?” issue that was keeping this particular True Fan up late for far too many nights. Especially his left shoulder, which has been totally missing any visible scars from the time he suffered from Pa Bender’s branding, as well as a bullet from Demon!Sam’s gun that Jo (oh, her!) dug out and didn’t stitch up afterwards. Anyway, Dean rattles on about how he came back out of hell totally smooth like a baby’s bottom (and isn’t that a vivid image!), and if all his scars are gone (and his broken, badly set fingers are all better, too), then, logically speaking, he’s been rehymenated as well. (I can’t figure out if there’s a hyphen in there or not, so I’ll spell it both ways just in case.) He says he’s a virgin all over again, which means, in Dean’s mind, that he’s now got a NEW challenge to overcome and this issue must be taken care of AS SOON AS POSSIBLE. 

I love the delicious movement of Dean’s lips as he says this slightly naughty word. The look on Sam’s face is priceless, as well. He can’t even begin to articulate why the concept is so wrong, which makes it even funnier. He winces and does that cute little face scowl he does, but in the end doesn’t try to dissuade Dean from his theory. However, if he were to have said something, I imagine that the conversation would have gone like this:

“You don’t have a hymen, Dean.”
“I don’t?”
“No, you never did, and you never will.”
“You sure?”
“Yeah, pretty sure.”
“Pretty sure isn’t totally sure, Sam.”
“Trust me on this one.”

Dean tries some more pickup lines on the COW, which she totally pushes aside. Meanwhile, two crazy kids are in lover’s lane, and the boy gets eaten by a werewolf. When the boys interview the leftover chick, they find out that the werewolf is straight out of the movies. What I like about this scene is that while the chick’s going on and on, drinking her obnoxious soda, and talking about black noses and furry hands, the look on Dean’s face is rather like he’d been pole axed (his eyebrows doing that classic, quirky, Deanish thing), rather like your or I might look if we learned suddenly that it was Monday and not Sunday and we’d completely forgotten to go into work. Also, the chick? Yeah, I don’t think it was an accident that the character’s name was Anna (Anna Marie) and that she looked a whole lot like a very young Anne Rice, complete with the heavily banged haircut, pale skin, and big eyes.

Back at the morgue, as Sam pokes at the guts of the most recent corpse with a pencil, it’s just gross, besides the fact that the guts look either like seaweed or mangled cassette tape. There’s still a dumb spinning fan (that they don’t have in every ep), but it’s changed location now, and there’s no spooky shadows casting suggestive shapes, which tells me that the continuity budget has been cut a bit, but no matter. There’s more groovy close-ups of b/w Dean and b/w Sam, and I love how the camera loves them. Plus, there’s nothing cuter than Dean with a headache; it makes me want to rush to get him some aspirin and a cold cloth for his adorable forehead.

Now still on the case, the boys take a break for some pub grub. Show is really having fun this week as Jamie comes by and tells Dean she gets off at midnight. It’s really predictable at this point that the COW is going to become the VOW (Victim of the Week), but you know what? I don’t care. I don’t care because I adore the way Dean thinks that it’s cool to imagine that the vampire might be able to turn into a bat. And then there’s that beer moustache, done with the exact same expression he had when he was stuffing those caramels into his mouth in “Tall Tales.” Cute, cute, cute! He looks about 12 years old here, and I never fail to be moved when he expresses such innocent joy. 

Meanwhile, out at the museum, which apparently takes deliveries at really odd hours, the mummy arises from his tomb to kill the security guard, and he’s not even wearing a red shirt! Blah, blah, blah, he deserved to die for making such a terrible vocational error, although I imagine that the Set Dressers must have had TONS of fun with that dry ice, and the Makeup Guys had orgasms of pleasure with the costume. Then, when Sam and Dean check out the scene, they find more evidence that there’s something not quite right here, because once again, they’re finding tags from a prop shop in Philly. Whenever I saw the labels I was hysterically reminded of the Road Runner cartoons and Wile E. Coyote’s endless supply of A.C.M.E props. The pace picks up as it’s back to the village, where the COW waits for Dean. But not too long, see, because she’s smart enough to give him a reasonable amount of time before she decides that yes, he’s stood her up, and no, she’s not going to wait. “Your loss, G-man,” she says. I just love her.

Now it gets serious, because the vampire is after Jamie. She’s smart, she instantly runs away instead of trying to reason with him, and I like that. I like it that she tries to pull mace out of her purse, and I like it that when Dean shows up (late for their date) she doesn’t regale him with totally useless explanations about how this man was chasing her, because, duh. AND, very important, when she was told to RUN to safety, she does the right thing and runs. Rather than, as so many dumb bimbo heroines do, crouching close by, getting in the way of the fight, and distracting everyone by screaming in a never-ending, high-pitched, tin whistle way. 

Dean and the vampire fight, which is when Dean discovers that the MOW is a shapeshifter. As the chase scene ensues (as they do, and it’s a treat because I like to watch Dean running), I was particularly impressed by the stunt over the gate. The vampire comes running, and flies over the gate, complete with cape flapping, while Dean struggles with it, looking through the bars like an abandoned orphan. I’d like to give the stunt team and this actor a bunch of gold stars, which they can put on their calendars to remind them how well they did. Look, I know full well and good there was some sort of device, a mini tramp or something, that the actor stepped on to enable him to fly over the gate, but it was COOL, man.

I think the “toot toot” sound as the vampire roared away on his little Vespa was terribly funny, but it sort of canted the ep in a different direction than I thought it was going. Up to now, there have been a lot of self-referential comments, shout outs to horror movies, tongue-in-cheek asides, the whole b/w thing, the overly dramatic lighting and camera angles, all of which add up to a very subtle, dry kind of humor. Now, all of a sudden, we’ve got campy funny, and it’s rather like Show couldn’t figure out which way to go, or, perhaps, couldn’t trust itself to go all the way with one kind of humor. Don’t get me wrong, campy is funny, and I enjoyed the rest of the ep, but I really wish Show had stuck with one or t’other.

At any rate, everyone meets at the bar, and oddly enough the boys dither about the case right in front of the COW. She seems rather unruffled by the whole idea, asking them if they’re Mulder and Skully. I fully expected Dean to explain which one was which, which would have been VERY funny, but Show decided not to oblige me in that. Instead, Show had Dean explain to the COW that the X-Files is a TV show, and “this” (this blessed plot, this earth, this realm…oh, wait), what Dean and Sam do, is REAL, and I just wanted to stand up and CHEER. Because I’ve had too many people, really, who seem to want to remind me at the most inopportune moments that it’s “just” a TV show. At which point I plug up my ears and scream, “Oh, the BURNING!” until I can’t hear them anymore. They can just stop now because Dean himself has said that it’s real and that’s good enough for me. 

I did think it odd that Sam knew who Mina and Jonathan Harker were (that’s what the vampire called the COW and Dean, respectively) and Dean did not. I mean, Dracula, the novel, is the most well-known, popular bit of vampire lore, and, you just know that Dean’s seen all the old movies so I’ll put it off to Show’s need for some exposition, that is, have Sam explain it to the audience, the unschooled members like Ed, because there’s no way that Dean doesn’t know. Anyway, Sam enjoins Dean to “take care of Mina,” and off he goes, leaving the two lovebirds alone. (He’s a sweet brother like that.)

More conversation ensues, wherein the COW tries to assimilate the whole “saving people, hunting things” aspect of Dean. She’s got this cool line where she goes, “So you tramp across the countryside on your own dime until you find some nightmare to fight off?” And Dean goes yeah, to which she goes, “That SUCKS!” To which I completely agree, because it’s something I’ve thought many a time, how difficult it must be not only to be so rootless (a dissatisfaction that Sam expresses in lots of different ways), but also to be so poor, as well as unappreciated. In spite of my surprise that Dean (and Sam) have broken the whole “we do what we do and we shut up about it” rule (I guess it’s like the Prime Directive, in that it gets dropped whenever the plot calls for it. Tsk tsk, Show.), I like it how Show is finally expressing what fangirls have thought for some time now, that the boys live hard lives. (Check out any fanfic and you’ll see what I mean; the stories contain endless descriptions of cheap motels, scant supplies, grotty diners, and, saddest of all, off-brand soda, which, as you may or may not know, tastes vile.)

We get some more of Dean angst (still a strange flavor to me, done all out in the open like this), where he tells her of his near death experience (“Really near!”) that made him appreciate his life, this world, and how much good he can do. He thinks it’s awesome, and not only that, it’s a mission from God. The COW says, “So does that make you….” and I’m waiting for the other shoe to drop, expecting her to say, “…Jake or Elwood?” But no! She, instead, asks about whether he’s a monk, and the joke is spoiled for me! Still, there’s reward to be found in Dean snugging up to someone nice, because he deserves it, he just does. Plus he looks so round-eyed when he’s telling her his secrets, so young, so very, very young and sweet. 

They start to snog. Along comes Lucy. That’s the COW’s friend from the first reel, and right away something clicks in my brain, for you see, unlike Dean, I have read Dracula, and the whole Mina – Lucy connection is not lost on me. I know at that moment, that she’s the shapeshifter in disguise and want to scream at the TV to tell my boy and his COW to be careful! Too late, they drink the drugged alcohol, which shows up in a classic Hollywood clip of a roulette wheel of whiskey glasses to Dean’s fogged brain. Dean tries to fight back, and Ackles does this completely perfect eyeroll and collapses bonelessly on the floor, and I’m pretty sure there was a soft mattress down there or something, but he made it look good AND funny and I’d love to see him in a comedy movie some time soon because he does this sort of stuff so well. Plus I’m sure it makes a nice break for him from all the angst and Tossing of the Dean.

As all this is happening, Sam heads out to the Goethe Theater (Goethe being that dude who wrote a story about another dude who made a deal with the devil so that he could have power over other dudes) and discovers, in a creepy shout out to the Phantom of the Opera, that Ed is not their guy. While I still love, and will always love, Sam’s “oh shit” expression when he discovers that they are wrong, I did have one problem. As Sam is coming in stealthily and sexily to the theater, he takes out his magazine of bullets and looks at it. Then, he slides it back in without tapping it, which I’ve been told is a big no no. If you take out a magazine, you need to tap the end of it first to make sure that rounds, especially the first one, are set. Otherwise, you’re going to end up with bullets jammed in the chamber, which can be dangerous. Geekily I know this, but I wonder why Sam does not. 

Next, Dean ends up in a dungeon, and yeah, Dean in lederhosen and strapped down to a table, I couldn’t quite figure out what the joke was here, although I did appreciate the idea of the boy in leather, heh heh heh. (And the idea of the shapeshifter stripping Dean while he was an unconscious doll was a little whacked, but fun to contemplate, just the same.) But it didn’t make any sense why the shapeshifter dressed Dean like this, because if he’s supposed to be Jonathan Harker, he’d be wearing a suit and tie, and a hat, because he’s a gentleman from England come to bring papers for the Count to sign. So I’m thinking that one of the writers has issues, some kinky inside joke that’s being played with here, and I just wish they’d let me in on it! At the same time, Dean in profile? It’s like a work of art. Ackles has such nice features, and the b/w just sets them off nicely, especially his nose, which you seldom get to see from this angle. (Yep, nose fetish, um hmm, I got one.)

The vampire comes in and says vampirey stuff, smacks Dean around a bit for being mouthy, and the threat of imminent danger creepily builds. But then, the vampire threatens to electrocute Dean, but reaches for the switch in such slow motion, that, ta da, the doorbell rings just in the nick of time. Again, as the vampire hassles the completely unmotivated pizza guy (from the Big Bite Pizza Co, ha ha), I sense the ep taking yet another campy turn. Oh, sure, the whole garlic on the pizza joke, it’s old, but it’s still funny, but the coupon totally takes the cake. It’s humorous yes, but it’s not the kind of humor that Show established in the first half, so I’m thrown a bit off balance here. Maybe it was Show’s intention, I don’t know, I’m laughing just the same.

Then the shapeshifter and the COW have a little scene, the totally typical beauty and the beast bit where he reveals his true heart to her. The COW had the best lines when she says to the shapeshifter “that maybe it freaked them out when you killed them,” and “you could try talking to people,” but the monster doesn’t listen. He’s determined to live in his fantasy world. As for Jamie, she’s wearing a white gown, white being Show’s color of choice for all pure female heroines. What’s wrong with pink or blue or green, I ask you? Oh, I give up.

Meanwhile, back at the slab, Sam comes in to rescue Dean. I’m totally in love with Sam all over again as he grins at Dean and calls him Hansel, making me think that THIS particular exchange is the reason why Dean was in lederhosen and no other. Off the boys go, kicking their way to find Jamie, only it’s totally funny. Sam hauls back to kick down the heavily barred wooden door with his mighty manly thighs (mmmmmmmm), only to find his whole foot going through the cheap plywood. It’s classic comedy, done Padalecki style with that wide-eyed “oh, gosh!” expression, and then Ackles style with that long double-take he does so well. Boys, you have so missed your calling. 

In the final fight scene with the shapeshifter, it’s Jamie to the rescue as she shoots using Dean’s pearl-handled gun. The shapeshifter bleeds, dramatically says, “‘Twas beauty killed the beast,” (King Kong shout out) and then dies in a romantic lump on a chair, leaving me to remark to myself that this is, possibly, the first and only time that the boys were rescued by the COW.  (I also adore it that Sam gets the Van Helsing role because it so suits him somehow.)

In the morning, there is more snogging as the two lovebirds go at it like they’re starving while Sam waits patiently in the background. Sam’s glad for him, and I’m glad for him too. Truly. I’m not even jealous, first because, well, the boy’s been in hell, so he deserves a little shimmy shimmy, and the way Show presented it, yeah, he got some. And second, because I liked Jamie. Knowing me, you’d think I’d be pretty upset over Dean kissing on some girl, but this girl, I liked her. Plus, she takes the time to thank them, which they totally deserve, and then the boys are back in the saddle, and raring to go. Sam guesses that Dean would want to live inside of Porky’s II, and he’s right. 

The concept of living inside of a movie seemed to say something about fandom as a whole, people who are fans, people who live and breathe to do fannish stuff. But I don’t think it was done with any malice, it seemed more of a gentle tease, with much affection, rather like a sibling might do it. That the shapeshifter wanted to re-live and re-experience his favorite stories didn’t shock me at all, I’m the same way. If I lived inside of a movie, it would be pretty much any Jane Austen film, especially the most recent remake of “Pride and Prejudice” and the somewhat recent version of “Persuasion,” because I’d want to be Anne, especially if I got THAT Capt. Wentworth. That Dean would want to live inside of Porky’s II, of course, has to do with the whole Porky’s theme of loosing one’s virginity. But why not the first Porky’s, why the sequel? Oh, it’s been too long since I’ve seen these gems. 

There are many smiles between the brothers this week, like they were truly having a good time for the first time in a long time. I still don’t get that they’ve discussed (rather than dithered) about the whole Ruby and “just back from hell” thing yet, but like siblings do, the love continues in spite of everything so I’ll chalk it up to that. Sam seems to be accommodating Dean in a big way this week, and I say that with all affection, because that’s what Sam’s displaying for his big brother. He seems to be very willing to let Dean be Dean (and he is so very Dean-like this week), with the pretzels, the beer, the bar wenches, everything. Sam is really demonstrating that if Dean’s happy, he’s happy. 

Finally, do kisses in a black and white world taste different than those done in a world filled with color? At any rate, I’m pretty sure that by the end of this ep, Dean has been, shall we say, de-hymenated.

Sylvia Bond is a ten-year technical writing veteran with too many degrees under her belt to count. She lives in Colorado, but does not ski, preferring instead to spend her money and time at the annual Great American Beer Festival, taking road trips across the United States, and reading historical fiction from the comfort of her fluffy green arm chair. She has been involved in fandom since 1993 and been writing fanfic since approximately 1993. What she finds most amazing about fandom (besides the open heartedness of fans and the sheer amount of creativity) is how visible fandom has become. “In my day,” she says, “we had to hide behind P.O. boxes to get fanfic. But nowadays, people wear t-shirts that shout their affiliation and share their shiny toys on the internet.” It’s a wonderful world.

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