Buffy for Beginners 3.10: Amends

By Sabrina Boyer

So this isn’t one of my favorite episodes, and when I did a year long Buffy lecture series, my co-sponsor and I debated about whether or not we should show clips from this episode when we discussed season three. What’s phenomenal about this ep, however, is that it’s written by Joss Whedon and gives us more about what Angelus was like before Angel. I think my abhorrence comes from the fact that it takes place during Xmas; that and Buffy’s wicked awful haircut with faux bangs.

Cut to Angel who’s having nightmares and well, walking nightmares as he runs into Buffy doing some Xmas shopping. Victims past are haunting him as he’s both awake and asleep, tormenting and reminding him of the things he’s done that he still has to atone for. It seems, for Angel, he’ll be atoning forever. Not to mention upping the awkward turtle moments between Angel and Buffy; they’re not supposed to see each other. “I just want a nice, quiet Xmas vacation,” Buffy whines. Everyone shares their vacation plans: Xander will be camping outside to avoid his drunk family members, Buffy will spend it with her mom, and Will is, well, Jewish. Cordy will be in Aspen with real snow, reverting to true form. However, Oz finally talks to Will and tells her he misses her, “like, every second. It’s almost like I lost an arm, or a torso, so I think I’d be willing to give it a shot.” Yay for Will and Oz! (and the episode does a nice not so subtle job of letting us know that everyone doesn’t celebrate Xmas and Jesus. But that our calendar is structured around such worship).

Meanwhile, Buffy and Joyce go Xmas tree shopping and Buffy comes across a circle of dead trees, which is a little odd. Cut to another Angel nightmare with guys with no eyes; here we’re introduced to the Bringers, who will turn their ugly eyeless heads again in season seven. Buffy invites Faith to her house for Xmas dinner but Faith has “this big party” she’s been invited to. Giles gets a visit from scary history’s past when Angel shows up at his door asking for help. The funny keeps getting funnier when Giles pulls out an electric bow shooter thingie. Angel tells him about his dreams of the past, like he’s living them again. Why is back from hell? Why was he freed?

And then she’s there. Jenny Calendar, right behind Giles, complete in her outfit that Angelus snapped her neck in. And then, we’re back in the 19th century, where Angelus feeds on a maid at an aristocratic party. Truly vile, he approaches her like a horny bastard who’s going to rape her, and he does, only with his teeth. Oh, and Buffy sees the whole thing. She was in Angel’s dream.

Jenny Calendar visits him as he awakens from his nightmare, then switches to other victims that he’s killed. Buffy visits Giles to get help and Xander offers to do the same. “Maybe I finally got the Hanukkah spirit.” Will joins the research fun as the Scoobies try to find out what might be happening to Angel. Buffy and Will gab about Oz coming over on Xmas eve, though slightly awkward. Angel’s still getting the torture treatment by his victims past, reminded that though the ‘beast’ he was isn’t really him, cut to Angel as a human, a drunken, whoring layabout with syphilis. He took pleasure in his kills; he didn’t kill to feed. He fed once he killed. He’s beginning to question whether he truly deserves to exist and whether or not what he does matters in the grand scheme of things.

Buffy and Angel share another dream  and in this one they begin to make love, something they can never do again. And then, a Bringer is there and Angel, in the dream, drains her dry. When he wakes, the ghostly Jenny Calendar urges Angel to kill Buffy, which is why “they” brought him back. Who are they?  An ancient power called “The First.” The First Evil. The Bringers are harbingers, high priests of the first who are working the mojo on Angel. Buffy hits up Willy the demon bar owner for information. Something is scaring off the lesser demony parts of Sunnydale, so they must be operating underground somewhere.

Then the best part of the episode occurs. Oz heads over to Willow’s pad, complete with candles and deep Barry voice. “We could do that thing.” Willow whispers to Oz. She’s ready to be with Oz, first. Oz stands up. Then Willow. “I think we should sit down again,” Oz responds. However, Oz isn’t ready to be with Will yet.  He wants it to happen because they both need it to for the same reason. Super cute.

Faith shows up at the Summers household and so does Angel, all weird looking and desperate. He eyes her tasty neck and the First encourages it. Buffy visits Giles for info and they both realize that she may have to kill him, again, if he gets too dangerous. The First tricks Angel into deciding to kill himself so he won’t hurt Buffy, and that seems to be the plan from the beginning. We learn that wherever the Harbingers are, “nothing shall grow above or below.” Ah ha. The dead trees at the Xmas tree lot. The First shows itself to Buffy. “Beyond sin, beyond death. I am thing the darkness fears. You’ll never see me but I am everywhere.” “Alright, I get it, you’re evil. Do we have to chat about it all day?” Buffy responds. “Your Christmas will be his wake,” the First tells Buffy. He’ll be dead by sunrise. Buffy finds him at his lair, but outside waiting for the sun to rise. She tells him he has to get inside. “It was showing me, what I am.”

He wants to take comfort in Buffy and he knows that he will lose his soul and part of him doesn’t care. “It’s not the demon in me that needs killing. It’s the man.” She tells him that he can make amends; she won’t leave him. “Am I a thing worth saving? Am I a righteous man?” he asks. “What about me? I love you so much. And I tried to make you go away. I killed you and it didn’t help. I hate that it’s so hard and that you can hurt me so much. I know everything you did because you did it to me. I wish that I wished you dead. I don’t.”  Strong is fighting. It’s hard and it’s painful and it’s every day. So what convinces him he belongs in this world? The sun doesn’t come up. It snows in the sweltering heat. Sunnydale residents shouldn’t expect to see the sun at all. Vampires and all, that’s the kind of world I want to live in.

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About Sabrina Boyer: As a kid my dad would sneak scary movies past my mom and let me indulge in his horror movie fetish. I grew up watching V, Alien Nation, The Thing, The Fog (all originals) and then, in 1992 when Buffy the movie came out, I became obsessed with vampires, girl power, and all things gothic. I once stayed home from school, faked sick, and watched BTVS: the movie 6 times in a row. I know the beginning cheerleading dance by heart (still). Currently, I’m obsessing over Laurell K. Hamilton novels, and dream about Anita Blake being my best friend.

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