Heroes: Special Comment from Season One
By Lisa Fary
Umm, Season Three? Season One called. It has some things to say to you.
![Heroes: Season 1 [Blu-ray]](/wp-content/uploads/2008/09/416zszoppul.jpg)
What the hell?
Dude, stop copying me. I mean, I get why you’d want to, seeing as I’m awesome and you’re not. But, seriously. Stop copying me. And don’t give me that “imitation is the best form of flattery” crap. You’re copying and it’s lame. I’m embarrassed that we’re related. I can deal with Season Two - Gimpy got stuck in the middle of some things and just never recovered. That wasn’t his fault.
What are you going to pin your troubles on? You don’t have a writers’ strike, Season Three. Maybe, if you move fast, you can blame your suckage on the economic crisis. But, it will still be your bad decisions that got you into the mess.
Yeah, let’s talk about some of those decisions, Season Three.
Do all future-painters paint like Tim Sale? Is that skill set part of that superpower? I know Tim Sale’s gotta eat, but there are other artists out there. Besides, the new future-painter is an African bushman – why is he future-painting in American comic book style? Because he found a copy of 9th Wonder? Really? And, by the way, that white-eye effect? Not shocking anymore, Season Three.
And for god’s sake, Season Three. Stop screwing around with this Tracy Strauss thing. She’s obviously Niki’s supposedly dead twin sister, Jessica. Don’t make your fans suffer through her journey of discovery. There’s no tension is watching her learn what the audience already knows.
Sylar. . . I can’t even. . . my villain. . . just. . . what the hell are you doing, Season Three? Sylar tried to be a good guy? Because he wanted to impress his real mommy? Sylar doesn’t know how to take control of any situation with nothing but his wits and a lousy accent! He sneaks up on people, kills them, and does whatever he wants! Even if he didn’t kill all of the cops on the scene at the bank robbery, he would have used one of his abilities to incapacitate them or something. Sylar doesn’t try to be human. He doesn’t want to be human.
Get your own villain, Season Three, and stop screwing up mine.
And another thing! How could you kill off William Katt? That’s the Greatest American Hero, dude! You couldn’t have done better than to make him a sleazy reporter who hangs out in parking garages? I can’t believe you killed him. Do you know how much you suck for that, Season Three? That’s the Greatest American Hero! What? You couldn’t live up to his example?
Finally, Season Three, Claire doesn’t need to learn how to fight. She can’t die and she can’t feel pain. All she needs to do to fight is put on a helmet and charge. Spare us the mother-daughter waterboarding.
That’s all I have time for. I promised Season Two I’d take him to Hollywood Video so he could chat up Birds of Prey.
You’re a disgrace, Season Three. Don’t even think about getting into a box set with me.
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Lisa Fary’s early exposure to classic Battlestar Galactica in 1979 is largely responsible for her lifelong interest in science fiction and her childhood ambition of being an intergalactic space cowgirl. She thinks diagramming sentences is a fun alternative to Sudoku.
Also, the beautiful Nathan is turning into Gaius Baltar, complete with Bible and imaginary people in his head.
Valid complaints, all of them.
Plus, how did Nathan get so shafted on the superpower front? Both (?!) of his brothers can absorb powers from other supers, but all he got was flying and hallucinating a condescending version of Malcolm MacDowell? Two years ago that would’ve been really cool. Now it’s pretty lame. Almost as lame as his daughter is becoming.
Next week when they go into the Mohinder storyline, 4400 should call with a lawyer.
My suspicion is that Nathan’s hallucinations and god thing are being projected by another super with the same skill set as Candace from season one.
Season one obviously didn’t notice that when Tracy meets Dr. Zimmerman he called her something on the order of Barbara. Obviously there are many copies of her that he made.