“Why, you stuck up, half-witted, scruffy-looking nerf-herder.” - Princess Leia

with Professor of Fangeekonomics, Ms. Melissa Voelker

Reference Material for today’s class:
“Beastmaster” and “Lord of the Rings”

Being a warrior woman consists of a lot more than just swinging a sword and beating sexist men into their place.  Sometimes it also entails being soft, accessible, and a little meeker than someone like Xena or Red Sonja could ever manage to be.  Luckily there are a few female warriors who can show the others how to act like a shy young girl and fight like a brazen hellcat.  Kiri from “The Beastmaster” and Eowyn of “Lord of the Rings” are two such examples of warriors that appear weak, but prove just how tough they really are when their lives (and those of people they care about) are on the line.

Kiri first makes her appearance in Dar’s (aka the Beastmaster’s) life looking less like a hardened warrior and more like a topless tramp who bathes naked with other topless tramps.  It isn’t terribly surprising that the brawny beefcake falls for her, or that he wants to save her once he learns that she is a slave.  In one fell swoop she gains his sympathy and his undying (and lusty) affections.  It’s a brilliant maneuver, one she might not have been able to duplicate had she been more forceful or less pliant to his not-so-slick flirting attempts.  Later, when the chips are down and revolution is afoot, she dumps the helpless act like a bad coat and turns into Super Assassin Kiri.  She gets a costume change, a weapons change, and she no longer lets anyone try to lead her around.  But her voice remains soft spoken, her outfit outrageously feminine (and perfect for old-school bad fantasy costuming), and when Dar takes off to seek his destiny elsewhere, she is more than willing to go along with him.

This is a woman who is a warrior at heart, but doesn’t let that get in the way of her being the kind of lady she wants to be.  She isn’t constantly struggling against male oppression, sexist rules and regulations, or a dark and dangerous past that could lead her soul astray.  In many respects she is the polar opposite of Xena, from attitude down to weapons of choice.  But there is a hint of Kiri in the Warrior Princess, which becomes most evident when Xena is in the arms of the man (or men, or woman) that she loves.  Being soft doesn’t always mean the same thing as being powerless, which Kiri proves very thoroughly (even if Tanya Roberts isn’t the greatest actress ever to grace the silver screen.)

Now Eowyn, being a shieldmaiden of Rohan, has it a little more difficult than Kiri.  She is a young woman of royal blood brought up in her uncle’s house to be a lady.  Even though she knows how to wield a sword and rides like a born horseman (or horsewoman), she isn’t supposed to be out there fighting alongside the men.  In her world, battle is a boys club.  But Eowyn doesn’t want to be just another decorative piece of castle scenery. She wants to ride out to war like her brother and her countrymen.  And she doesn’t take “No, you can’t do that, you are a girl and have to stay with the other girls where you are safe” for an answer.  She may pretend to take “No” for an answer, but really she is just looking compliant until she can find a way to sneak out and do some fighting.  In this way she is a lot like Kiri, who also pretended to be a bit more docile than she really was.

Of course there was a lot more to Eowyn than just her habit of cross-dressing and fighting some sexist rules about what she could and could not do with her life.  She was also a healer, and someone her people could follow with trust and love.  Being soft didn’t make her any weaker than being soft (sometimes literally so when the camera shot was right) made Kiri weak.  It just made her different than most of the female warriors that are presented in fantasy movies and television.

Xena refused to submit to the rule of any one man, and fought against ever being placed in a pretty cage where she would be a proper lady.  She had less people demanding this of her then Eowyn did, but maybe she could have learned some tips on inner strength is she had gone through some of the same struggles. It takes a lot more to make a well-rounded warrior lass than just putting on a metal WonderBra and throwing a razor sharp Frisbee around.  Xena may have had the brazen guts, but Kiri and Eowyn had spines of steel and much better hair.

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About Melissa: By day a mild-mannered tv station receptionist, by night a fighter of crime and corruption in the dirty streets of Spokane, WA . . . or maybe not so much. More like a hyperactive, anal-retentive daytime receptionist and a melodramatic, hyperactive nighttime fangirl who only wishes she could be a fighter of crime and champion of justice (except that would lead to getting my super costume all dirty and I hate doing laundry.) Though my intent has always been to write bestselling novels and live a life of wealth and luxury, putting my talents for snarkiness and word doodling together while letting my geek flag fly suits me just fine - for now.