“I can kill you with my brain.” - River Tam, Firefly

By Sabrina Boyer

I was never a homecoming queen. Secretly, at times, I wanted to be, but then I saw the fake smiling, the balancing act of wearing a cheap crown and the bull$h!t that went along with being the supposed choice of the best of the best. I’m sure Buffy sees this too in this episode, but she has something to prove to herself, and something to prove to Sunnydale.

Let’s be honest; if Buffy were to run in the real world for homecoming queen, she’d win, hands down; If a girl like Cordy had gone to my school (and honestly, there were many Cordys) though hated, she would have won, too. So hilarity ensues as Cordy and Buffy run against each other for Homecoming queen. The episode opens at the Bronze where Buffy is bummin’ cause Scott Hope (who we later find out is gay) asks Buffy, finally, to the dance. The scoobs plan on renting a limo and the whole shebang; it’s obvious, at least to me, that Buffy isn’t into Scott or the dance; she’s into Angel, who is still hiding but less crazy in the old castle that he shared as Angelus with Spike and Dru. Back from hell, he’s healing and coming along nicely. Buffy still hasn’t told anyone about Angel’s return, and she lets Angel know she’s ‘involved.’ But let’s be honest. She’s not involved. She’s distracted. Purposefully distracted because of what happened to her when Angel turned all Jekyll and Hyde in season two. Distraction ends abruptly as Scott Hope breaks up with Buffy because she’s not the ‘force’ he thought she was. Or, he’s gay. I vote for number two and instinctively hate anyone who disses Buffy. He’d have to be gay to reject her. She’s the whole package. As Buffy laments her brief relationship with Scott, there are some very creepy spy guys watching her on campus and of course, our antennae fly up; we also see Mr. Trick again, and learn that Buffy is some kind of ‘target.’ Welcome to Slayerfest ’98. 

Also, the mayor of Sunnydale grows creepier by the episode, and anyone who compares cleanliness next to godliness is suspect. Let’s be real; anyone who quotes any sort of Bible passage is lame. Meanwhile the gang gets their senior pictures taken while Buffy works out her quality rage over Scott Hope with Faith. They plan to be each other’s dates to the dance since both are going solo. Cordy is supposed to tell Buffy about the pictures, but gets sidetracked by homecoming dance campaigning. Buffy’s bummed that no one knows she’s alive at Sunnydale, a non-person, though she’s saved approximately half the senior population. She also finds out that she missed picture taking and it was Cordy’s fault that she didn’t find out. Therefore, she plans on giving Cordy a run for her money as Homecoming queen. And so it begins. 

And then, we learn that slayerfest is composed of a group of monsters who buy in to compete to kill the slayer and whoever wins gets the pot. (sidenote: can you believe it’s been ten years since this ep? Ugh). So as the gang gets ready for the dance, Will and Xander show off their special duds to each other to make sure that each is as good as they can be for their respective others. But things get all….hazy as they are enraptured with each other in formal wear. And they…kiss. Kiss!! Finally. What we’ve been wanting for so long happens….while they are with other people. Ye Gods! There will be no more fluking! Because of the guilt coupons on the part of Will and Xander, they agree to help Cordy instead of Buffy. The campaigning begins and man, is it brutal. Cupcakes, gift baskets, bribery. Oh, and Buffy’s “I’m shy but deep” campaign posters are so much cooler than Cordelia’s. Not to mention that Buffy’s insult to Cordy as “vapid whole” is so much harsher than what Cordy could cook up. 

Because of the splintering between Cordy and Buffy, they are forced to ride together alone in the limo to work out their issues; however, Cordy is mistaken as Faith and the limo is hijacked by some slayerfest goon and the girls are dropped off in the woods to try and survive as the ‘hunted.’ Meanwhile the gang is at homecoming, and I’ve never loved Faith more than when she gets Scott Hope in trouble when she says, in front of his new date, “good news, doctor says the itching, swelling and burning will clear up but we gotta keep using the ointment.” Oh yeah. As the girls get into it they find a safe house to hole up in; they search for weapons to use against the hunters, and Cordy steps up to slayer status. The Germans have the girls wired and are following them electronically. Back at the high school, the girls are jumped by the Gorch vampires, you know, the brother of the one that got eaten in “Bad Eggs” and his wife. But Cordy takes the cake as ‘the queen’ and scares Gorch out of the library without lifting a manicured finger. They figure out that the Germans have a tracking device in their corsages, kill them, and spend some quality death time with each other. But after all this, do they win homecoming queen? They deserve it for sure, but we all know competition isn’t always about who deserves to win. 

Mr. Trick meets the Mayor, Mayor Wilkinson, and we learn that he’s not human and not as he seems. Welcome to season three big bad. The girls get back to the dance all ripped up and dirty as the winner is announced. “After all that we’ve been through tonight, this whole who gets to be queen thing seems…” Cordy says, “pretty damn important,” Buffy replies. This episode just reaffirms that pageants are lame and totally based on monetary compensation and rigging of the ballots. Buffy will always be my queen (with Cordy a close second). I know, I know, cheesy to the max, but do you disagree? 

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About Sabrina Boyer: As a kid my dad would sneak scary movies past my mom and let me indulge in his horror movie fetish. I grew up watching V, Alien Nation, The Thing, The Fog (all originals) and then, in 1992 when Buffy the movie came out, I became obsessed with vampires, girl power, and all things gothic. I once stayed home from school, faked sick, and watched BTVS: the movie 6 times in a row. I know the beginning cheerleading dance by heart (still). Currently, I’m obsessing over Laurell K. Hamilton novels, and dream about Anita Blake being my best friend.