The Middleman: The Boy Band Superfan Interrogation

By Lisa Fary

I hope there’s a special level of hell reserved for people who plagiarize.  That level could be an eternal oral exam on As I Lay Dying in a classroom without air conditioning on an August day in Florida with a professor who has BO.  And a really big, sweaty mole.  

Nothing makes me scream “GOD EFFING DAMMIT!!!” louder than when I realize the paper I’m grading has been ripped from another source.  

OK, one thing does make me scream “GOD EFFING DAMMIT!!!” even louder, and that’s this conversation with the perp’s parent:

ME: Your student plagiarized her entire essay. 

PARENT: She didn’t understand how to cite the information. 

ME: Citation isn’t the issue.  The essay is word for word, exactly the same as what appears on this website.

PARENT: She said she was confused by the directions on the assignment.  Can she have a few extra days?

That’s bad enough, but to have your own work stolen and then have the perp taunt you with it?  That perp deserves to go to the special, special hell, which has all of the features of the regularly scheduled special hell, but with the added hellishness of a boy band soundtrack.  Probably The Jonas Brothers, because with them, you get all of the boy band annoyance paired with the sanctimonious, purity ring wearing Disney crowd (I’m looking at you, Hannah Montana*).

(*I swear, the only reason I know about these things is because of my students. I really wish I didn’t know.)

That’s where Wendy’s neighbor, Pip, deserves to go.  

Pip, he of the “Dear Mister God” monologue, stole Wendy’s paintings in this episode, used them to get a gallery show, then threatened her with eviction if she acted for truth and justice in artistic pursuits.  

Meanwhile, the Middle-verse boy band, Varsity Fanclub, is in town and has an alien stalker on their trail.  14-year old boy band fans are typically evil by nature, but this one, while foul mouthed, is the good guy.  She’s out to destroy the band.  Unfortunately, she’s not out to kill them for crimes against the spirit of music, but when it comes to destroying a boy band, I’ll take whatever motives present themselves. 

In this case, the members of Varsity Fanclub are actually intergalactic dictators who revel in oppression and other dictatorial evils.  They’ve been exiled to Earth and are harnessing the power generated by teenage screams of ecstasy to power a warphole, which will then lead them back home for another reign of terror.  

It’s difficult to put into words just how subversive a boy band can be, but this episode got that idea across effectively.  Even if boy bands really aren’t evil alien dictators exiled to Earth (and really, could there be another explanation for “Hangin’ Tough”? If so, I’d like to hear it), the idea captures the essence of everything that is wrong with those bands. 

“The Boy Band Superfan Interrogation” made up for last week’s stinker. I particularly liked the duck’s ass suspended between this world and another.  I”m also enjoying the little throw-away homages to other genre franchises, such as, “I’m Sergeant Ravenwood, you’re Sergeant Jones.”  Nice.  

When I catch stuff like that I feel more like I’m part of the in-crowd and less like that zit faced nerd girl who cried at a New Kids on the Block concert (and did the “Hangin’ Tough” dance) in 1989.  

That’s my idea of a “youthful indiscretion”.  I was 13 years old at the time and partial to pegged acid wash jeans, a baggy vest, and a Greek fisherman’s cap.  But, I discovered Tori Amos (and really bad, teen angst poetry) the following year, so shut up.  

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Lisa Fary’s early exposure to classic Battlestar Galactica in 1979 is largely responsible for her lifelong interest in science fiction and her childhood ambition of being an intergalactic space cowgirl. She thinks diagramming sentences is a fun alternative to Sudoku.

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