Cylon Says – BSG: Revelations
By Lisa Fary
Oh, for god’s sake.
That ending was like me graduating from college in 1998: tremendous excitement about being done followed by lip-curling disgust and disappointment when the future turned out to be a wasteland. I was over-educated for lower level jobs and anything above that was filled by a Baby Boomer who wasn’t going anywhere for at least another twenty years.
Some would say that served me right for getting an English degree (I say those people just don’t want me to call them out on there, their and they’re). But, that’s not the point here.
As the crew celebrated about the end of their long journey, I saw that there was still time left for it all to start sucking. That wasn’t even the genetic negativity I inherited from my grandma – that’s just knowing the show. BSG is always ready to stomp a boot in the face of any happiness!
In the old days, the original ragtag fugitive fleet got to Earth to find it infested with high-waisted slacks, Aqua Net and rudimentary technology. It was livable, but Earth humans couldn’t defend themselves against the Cylons, and thus, less than perfect.
I didn’t expect re-imagined Earth to be perfect. I also didn’t expect it to be found until – I don’t know – maybe the end of the series. What the hell are they going to do now? Are we going to have ten (or twelve) more episodes next year exploring entirely new depths of depression? Is everyone going to lose their polytheistic religion and flock to Baltar’s one god? Will the whole thing devolve into a religious crusade where they all kill each other over an effing book?
Wait. I think I know.
The fleet will find another clue on Earth indicating that the 13th tribe left their uninhabitable planet in search of a new home. The fleet will follow more clues across the galaxy, all the way back to Caprica, where the 13th tribe has died of radiation poisoning. By then, BSG will have been green lighted for another season (because what else does Sci Fi really have? Ghost Hunters and some crappy movies?), so the fleet will set out for a new, new home and they won’t be so freaking picky this time.
The rest of season four is “coming soon”, if you consider 2009 to be “soon”. Those last ten (or possibly twelve, now) episodes will no doubt be split into three mini-seasons: five will air next spring, five will air next fall, and the final two-hour series finale will air in the spring of 2010.
Douchebags.
OK, I’m done complaining for the moment. Let’s get to theories.
What the hell happened on Earth? I think there are two possibilities:
1. Some odd numbered skinjobs, led by Boomer, found Earth first and nuked it just to be dicks.
2. John McCain won the election.
I don’t think we saw Boomer die in the last episode, so we have to assume that she’s alive and willing to carry out Cavil’s mission to destroy humanity. Destroying humanity would involve destroying Earth (or electing John McCain and letting us take care of that whole “destruction of humanity” thing ourselves).
Who the hell is the fifth Cylon? I yelped, “Son of a bitch!” when D’Anna quipped, “There are four Cylons in the fleet.”
And what the hell was her problem? D’Anna knew the identities of the super secret Cylons and knew that Roslin and Adama didn’t know. So, why all the drama? Taking hostages I sorta get, but executing them because the super secret Cylons didn’t reveal themselves fast enough and then holding Adama accountable for the super secret Cylons’ release was totally psycho. She saw them all on the hangar! Why not just point them out right then and spare us the crazy-bitch antics?
So, four Cylons in the fleet. That means Gaeta, Dualla, Doc Cottle, and any other minor character in the fleet are not Cylons. That leaves someone who has died or someone we’ve never seen. But, I have an idea.
Lee Adama’s mom.
Bear with me.
Age and aging don’t seem to be an issue with the final five. Admiral Adama has known Tigh for thirty years and has seen him age all that time, and yet, there he is (I want to punctuate everything Tigh says with, “Arrgggh!). Also, the ex-Mrs. Adama’s fate has never been definite. We assume she’s dead, but there’s nothing to really prove that.
Watch the promo for 2009 after this episode. That’s Admiral Adama’s voice breaking up in agony with the words, “You’re one of them” (or something along those lines). The final Cylon is not Laura Roslin, Starbuck, or Lee. We know that because they’re all in the Last Supper photo (and they’re all part of the fleet). Admiral Adama wouldn’t have that reaction to someone he’d never seen before, or had only known in passing. That reaction was for someone close to him.
So, that’s it. I think Boomer nuked Earth (or helped John McCain do it), I think the final Cylon is Lee Adama’s mom, and I think the execs are douchebags for dragging this out so freaking long.
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Lisa Fary’s early exposure to classic Battlestar Galactica in 1979 is largely responsible for her lifelong interest in science fiction and her childhood ambition of being an intergalactic space cowgirl. She thinks diagramming sentences is a fun alternative to Sudoku.
“I think the execs are douchebags for dragging this out so freaking long.” So say we all!
a englsih majah eh then it must really anoyu whn u c rely bad enlghs wiv no grama an bad spelin but enyway gud revu i tink u rite and it all them cylons wot dun it.
The delay, depression, and douchebaggery forced me to bail on BSG weeks ago. Good luck with the US of Armageddon, mecha-McCain, and Johnny Five sweeping up the remains of the ashen skulls of Ronnie Moore and David Whozits.
I’m gonna’ disagree with you here: I think it was the best episode of this lame season, it actually had me on the edge of my seat, and I thought Admiral Adama’s breakdown – God, that was really heartrending to watch! Really felt for the guy! Beautifully acted by “Apollo,” too. Great stuff.
As to what happened to the earth, I’m going to go out on a limb and say you’re all wrong. Given the grim view this show takes of human nature, and the fact that Galactica is, itself, a product of the cold war, I have to believe that we nuked ourselves.
Earth fought a nuclear war, thereby wiping out all (or at least most) life and civilization.
Damn. Hit the “Submit Button” before I was ready.
Anyway: “We” nuked “ourselves,” and the remaining eps will be about (A) the emergence of an amalgam human/cylon civilization that (B) attempts to defend itself from the other three models that are still out there, and are presumably mad as motherfuckers about suddenly being mortal.
Time permiting, we’ll also discover (C) who this force that has been orchestrating all the events of the past several seasons really is – the Cylons call it “God”, as does Baltar, but I think we all know the real answer isn’t gonna’ be so easy, right?
@higlet: I’ve learned to cope with most of it, although hearing or reading “tookened” still sends me into a rage.
@filmgeek: You’re stronger than I am. I want to stop watching, but I’m BSG’s bitch, now. Learned helplessness, you know?
@hoobajoobah: nuking ourselves would be in line with the themes, being nuked by Boomer would be in line with the elements that are already out there. Of course, there is always another option: Earth had it’s own artificial intelligence war and was nuked by their AI children the way the colonies were nuked by the Cylons.
When it comes back, I think we’re going to learn a lot more about this “all of this has happened before” mantra. There’s a theory out there that humanity is in an endless cycle of building AI, getting wiped out, resettling somewhere else, building AI, getting wiped out, resettling somewhere else, and so on.
Anyone read/translate Hebrew? If so, would you be willing to translate the #6 trackback for us?
Yeah, I buy the “AI Cycle” thing. Humanity was obviously thrown out of Kobol, where “Gods and man lived side by side” – the gods obviously being AIs. The Cylons evolved into humans via the ministrations of some mysterious “Programmers” about whom neither we nor they seem to know anything. Hm. The point of the show, I guess, is to show humanity breaking this cylcle, much like humanity broke the cycle of the Shadow Wars in B5 (Hey, another potential similarity!).
Hm.
Ok, I’m just spitballing here, but what if humanity is *already* extinct? What if the humans from the colonies are already the descendents of an earlier wave of AI-evolving-into-humans?
The final five “Have been to earth” and are fundamentally different than the big 7. What if the final five were – originally – AIs that were built on earth, perhaps to save the human race? They met the purely-machine cylons from the Colonies in the late days of the war, and started them on their evolution to synthetic humans, which would be keeping in their mandate. Or, it’s possible that the Final Five are left over Kobolian AIs who’ve mellowed with age.
Here’s another idea I’ve been toying with, as long as I’m shotgunning here anyway: Earth nukes itself. The surviving AIs want to save the human race, so over a long period of time they evolve to organic form – ‘the gods’ – and then they seed a planet – Kobol – with more normal, random human life. We piss them off, they kick us off. We create our own AIs, which we kick off the planet eventually, and then they come back and kick us off, in the process bringing life back to earth.
I know that everyone says life began on Kobol, but of course they’d think that, wouldn’t they?
The symmetry of it appeals to me: Man creates machine, which then creates man, which then creates machine, which then creates man. It’s very Stanislaw Lem. Whadya’ think?
BTW, anyone notice that Starbuck deliberately misrepresented something Leoben said to her?: It happened during her halucination before she “died”, but she lied and told Lee it happened back on New Caprica.
I have seen speculation that current humans are really hybrid descendants of humans and whatever Cylons came before. That would rock the foundations of humans and Cylons alike in the show.
I feel like we’re making this too complicated, like the solution to it all is going to be something obvious and when it airs in 2020, I’ll smack myself on the forehead for not seeing it immediately. But, that’s just a feeling.
Something that we are missing is religion’s tendency toward symbolism. Maybe we’re thinking of Earth too literally. We assume that “Earth” is this Earth, when “Earth” could be a stand in for any promised land. Do Pythia’s prophecies specifically name Earth?
OK, it’s late and there’s a slice of pie with my name on it. More later. I feel like I’m on the verge of something with this.
Yeah, that’s the problem of shotgunning: things get needlessly complicated, theory-wise.
Back in season 2, for instance, there was a flury of speculation about Kobol, since the one shot of Kobol they ever showed us from space *Very Clearly* showed the northwest coast of Africa. So was Kobol Earth? Was it intended to be? Is that the big fakeout? What? I dunno.
Normally I’m pretty good at figuring out this kind of stuff, but Galactica has been such a sloppy, ad hoc show from the beginning (“The Cylons have a plan, now they don’t. Now they’re nice, now they’re not. Apollo hates his dad, now he’s willing to bust up the black market to prove that he loves his dad, Boomer is good/now she’s not” etc.) that it’s entirely possible the place the show ended up the other night isn’t the place the writers set out for five years ago. There’ve been a lot of radical plot shifts in between there and here that don’t seem to have been part of the original concept for the remake.
Wow. Lots of fun speculation going on here.
One of the friends I watch with said he was waiting for the combined exploration party to stumble upon the disembodied head of the State of Liberty. ::teehee::
@Lisa, interesting theory about Mrs. Adama. Although, if Mommy were a Cylon, then Lee (and poor, dead Zack) would be just as “special” as Hera and Nicholas. That would be a cool twist.
With our options rapidly dwindling, the speculation about the final Cylon is getting pretty wild. Another friend of mine is hoping it’ll be Roslin’s first assistant, Billy. I think, no matter who it is, the emotional repercussions will be harsh for someone among our beloved characters.
My hunch is that the final cylon is someone new, actually, someone we haven’t met, but likely someone who’s known to the characters themselves, just to keep the incestuous quality BG kind of revels in.
Also, since the final 5 have apparently “Been to Earth” in the past, I’m assuming the final cylon is actually still on earth, and we’ll meet him (My hunch being it’s a him) next year.
I’m having some reservations that this planet they landed on is actually Earth, despite the matching constellations. The shot we saw showed water and clouds – no land masses, much less anything else that could be identified, including the Moon. The surface also lacked identifying features and was twisted beyond recognition – it could conceivably be any city near water with a bridge. It’s as if it could be Earth, if RDM and friends make it so, or it could be another psych.
If we want to be really scientifically accurate, they could be on any planet within a light-year or so of here, and the constellations would match. You have to get really far away for them to be different. If you were looking at the night sky on Mars or Venus, it’d be pretty much identical to the one we see from Hoboken, you know?
I doubt the producers of the show know that, though. And even if they do, there’s no other earthlike planets within an LY of earth, unless we assume they’re on a terraformed Venus. (They’re clearly not on Mars)
My gut tells me that it is Earth, because this show is all about crushing defeats, and finding the strength to keep going on, even when everything you hoped for and believed in turns to crap. Therefore, to be asethetically consistent, it kind of has to be earth, right?
I’m going to have to disagree with one minor point in your original article. I don’t think that voice at the end of next year’s teaser was Adama’s. I’d recognize that gristled Canadian lilt anywhere. It was Tigh.
Also, we all know the final cylon is Hot Dog. I mean, that’s just obvious.
Tigh didn’t occur to me, but it would be in the BSG circle of hopelessness for Ellen to be a Cylon. He killed her for collaborating with them, he is one, he’s banging one, then if she’s one. . . that’s so tragic it may actually work.
I started making assumptions based on little things. For example, there’s a reference to a song called “The Shape of Things To Come” which was played at times when Athena & Helo’s child was shown. I figured it was possible that, once they found Earth, it would be inhabited completely by Cylon/Human hybrids similar to the child. If you think about it, what better way would there be to preserve themselves and their peace than to have the 13th tribe and a select group of Cylons agree to live with each other. If either the Cylons or humans were to find Earth, there is little chance that either would attack under those circumstances. Now that they’ve found Earth and found it nuked, it’s likely that it will happen this way going forward. The humans in the fleet and the Cylons on the rebel baseship will create a life together on Earth. As far as the 5th, Deanna mentioned that there were four in the fleet. I’m not sure it would be Adama’s wife considering the little reference there is to her. Besides, that would imply that Lee and his brother would also be hybrids, and that would seem to be unlikely. If she said there were 4 in the fleet, the 5th could have already been on the baseship when she said it. That means it’s likely to be either Baltar (which has been known to experience Cylon projection as they do), the Laura (cruel if you consider the whole cancer thing) or one of the viper pilots (all small characters, also unlikely). My vote’s with Baltar being the 5th.
Ok. A few things.
First of all, it is pretty obvious that Earth was nuked to death. The scanner that was used to test the radition levels of the dirt when Adama ran his fingers through it in the final scene. (Hahahaha… I was looking for the statue of liberty reference myself and was a bit disappointed there wasn’t any. Hehehe… that would have made my day.)
As for the 5th, I see three possibilities.
My first instinct was that since D’anna side the fourth wasn’t in the fleet that meant they were already onboard. There were a few possibilities… but wouldn’t it be ironic if Laura is the fifth considering that D’Anna already told us she was. I’m sure they’d get some laughs out of that one. The other option could be Baltar which is just as likely.
But here’s a big question I’ve been wondering. What about Callandra Tyrol? Isn’t it odd that they would seemly have also had a hybrid baby although there seems to be little importance placed on it. Saul’s getting a version of #6 pregnant proves that Cylons can mate with other Cylons. What is Callie is or was the 5th and their child actually wasn’t a hybrid like we might assume?
Or maybe there’s a higher purpose. What if the final Cylon is on Earth. What if this Cylon has been the one orchestrating this whole thing to bring them all “home.” What if this was all part of a larger master plan and this God or Gods that they’ve been seeking and that has been “guiding them” is actually the 5th and final model? I think that very well might be possible. I think it would be fitting that the god they seek turns out to be the last model. But I guess we’ll see.
Granted… if we are going to play the mom game I think Starbuck’s mom would be the more likely choice… but I don’t think it is either mother. Either way, thoughts anyone?
A couple years ago Time Magazine chose “You!” as their Person of the Year. The cover for that issue was a reflecto mirror, so anyone picking it up could see themselves as the Person of the Year. Maybe the final Cylon will be like that! We’re ALL the final Cylon.