By Lisa Fary
Oh, for god’s sake.
That ending was like me graduating from college in 1998: tremendous excitement about being done followed by lip-curling disgust and disappointment when the future turned out to be a wasteland. I was over-educated for lower level jobs and anything above that was filled by a Baby Boomer who wasn’t going anywhere for at least another twenty years.
Some would say that served me right for getting an English degree (I say those people just don’t want me to call them out on there, their and they’re). But, that’s not the point here.
As the crew celebrated about the end of their long journey, I saw that there was still time left for it all to start sucking. That wasn’t even the genetic negativity I inherited from my grandma – that’s just knowing the show. BSG is always ready to stomp a boot in the face of any happiness!
In the old days, the original ragtag fugitive fleet got to Earth to find it infested with high-waisted slacks, Aqua Net and rudimentary technology. It was livable, but Earth humans couldn’t defend themselves against the Cylons, and thus, less than perfect.
I didn’t expect re-imagined Earth to be perfect. I also didn’t expect it to be found until – I don’t know – maybe the end of the series. What the hell are they going to do now? Are we going to have ten (or twelve) more episodes next year exploring entirely new depths of depression? Is everyone going to lose their polytheistic religion and flock to Baltar’s one god? Will the whole thing devolve into a religious crusade where they all kill each other over an effing book?
Wait. I think I know.
The fleet will find another clue on Earth indicating that the 13th tribe left their uninhabitable planet in search of a new home. The fleet will follow more clues across the galaxy, all the way back to Caprica, where the 13th tribe has died of radiation poisoning. By then, BSG will have been green lighted for another season (because what else does Sci Fi really have? Ghost Hunters and some crappy movies?), so the fleet will set out for a new, new home and they won’t be so freaking picky this time.
The rest of season four is “coming soon”, if you consider 2009 to be “soon”. Those last ten (or possibly twelve, now) episodes will no doubt be split into three mini-seasons: five will air next spring, five will air next fall, and the final two-hour series finale will air in the spring of 2010.
Douchebags.
OK, I’m done complaining for the moment. Let’s get to theories.
What the hell happened on Earth? I think there are two possibilities:
1. Some odd numbered skinjobs, led by Boomer, found Earth first and nuked it just to be dicks.
2. John McCain won the election.
I don’t think we saw Boomer die in the last episode, so we have to assume that she’s alive and willing to carry out Cavil’s mission to destroy humanity. Destroying humanity would involve destroying Earth (or electing John McCain and letting us take care of that whole “destruction of humanity” thing ourselves).
Who the hell is the fifth Cylon? I yelped, “Son of a bitch!” when D’Anna quipped, “There are four Cylons in the fleet.”
And what the hell was her problem? D’Anna knew the identities of the super secret Cylons and knew that Roslin and Adama didn’t know. So, why all the drama? Taking hostages I sorta get, but executing them because the super secret Cylons didn’t reveal themselves fast enough and then holding Adama accountable for the super secret Cylons’ release was totally psycho. She saw them all on the hangar! Why not just point them out right then and spare us the crazy-bitch antics?
So, four Cylons in the fleet. That means Gaeta, Dualla, Doc Cottle, and any other minor character in the fleet are not Cylons. That leaves someone who has died or someone we’ve never seen. But, I have an idea.
Lee Adama’s mom.
Bear with me.
Age and aging don’t seem to be an issue with the final five. Admiral Adama has known Tigh for thirty years and has seen him age all that time, and yet, there he is (I want to punctuate everything Tigh says with, “Arrgggh!). Also, the ex-Mrs. Adama’s fate has never been definite. We assume she’s dead, but there’s nothing to really prove that.
Watch the promo for 2009 after this episode. That’s Admiral Adama’s voice breaking up in agony with the words, “You’re one of them” (or something along those lines). The final Cylon is not Laura Roslin, Starbuck, or Lee. We know that because they’re all in the Last Supper photo (and they’re all part of the fleet). Admiral Adama wouldn’t have that reaction to someone he’d never seen before, or had only known in passing. That reaction was for someone close to him.
So, that’s it. I think Boomer nuked Earth (or helped John McCain do it), I think the final Cylon is Lee Adama’s mom, and I think the execs are douchebags for dragging this out so freaking long.
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Lisa Fary’s early exposure to classic Battlestar Galactica in 1979 is largely responsible for her lifelong interest in science fiction and her childhood ambition of being an intergalactic space cowgirl. She thinks diagramming sentences is a fun alternative to Sudoku.
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Lisa Fary's earliest influences are Princess Leia, Rainbow Bright, Astronaut Barbie, and her 6th grade teacher, Ms. Palmer. She's angry that it's 2011 and she still doesn't have a hovercraft, but will accept a jetpack as consolation. That jetpack had better be pink with a rhinestone monogram. 
I'm having some reservations that this planet they landed on is actually Earth, despite the matching constellations. The shot we saw showed water and clouds – no land masses, much less anything else that could be identified, including the Moon. The surface also lacked identifying features and was twisted beyond recognition – it could conceivably be any city near water with a bridge. It's as if it could be Earth, if RDM and friends make it so, or it could be another psych.
My hunch is that the final cylon is someone new, actually, someone we haven’t met, but likely someone who’s known to the characters themselves, just to keep the incestuous quality BG kind of revels in.
Also, since the final 5 have apparently “Been to Earth” in the past, I’m assuming the final cylon is actually still on earth, and we’ll meet him (My hunch being it’s a him) next year.
If we want to be really scientifically accurate, they could be on any planet within a light-year or so of here, and the constellations would match. You have to get really far away for them to be different. If you were looking at the night sky on Mars or Venus, it’d be pretty much identical to the one we see from Hoboken, you know?
I doubt the producers of the show know that, though. And even if they do, there’s no other earthlike planets within an LY of earth, unless we assume they’re on a terraformed Venus. (They’re clearly not on Mars)
My gut tells me that it is Earth, because this show is all about crushing defeats, and finding the strength to keep going on, even when everything you hoped for and believed in turns to crap. Therefore, to be asethetically consistent, it kind of has to be earth, right?
I’m going to have to disagree with one minor point in your original article. I don’t think that voice at the end of next year’s teaser was Adama’s. I’d recognize that gristled Canadian lilt anywhere. It was Tigh.
Also, we all know the final cylon is Hot Dog. I mean, that’s just obvious.
Tigh didn’t occur to me, but it would be in the BSG circle of hopelessness for Ellen to be a Cylon. He killed her for collaborating with them, he is one, he’s banging one, then if she’s one. . . that’s so tragic it may actually work.
I started making assumptions based on little things. For example, there’s a reference to a song called “The Shape of Things To Come” which was played at times when Athena & Helo’s child was shown. I figured it was possible that, once they found Earth, it would be inhabited completely by Cylon/Human hybrids similar to the child. If you think about it, what better way would there be to preserve themselves and their peace than to have the 13th tribe and a select group of Cylons agree to live with each other. If either the Cylons or humans were to find Earth, there is little chance that either would attack under those circumstances. Now that they’ve found Earth and found it nuked, it’s likely that it will happen this way going forward. The humans in the fleet and the Cylons on the rebel baseship will create a life together on Earth. As far as the 5th, Deanna mentioned that there were four in the fleet. I’m not sure it would be Adama’s wife considering the little reference there is to her. Besides, that would imply that Lee and his brother would also be hybrids, and that would seem to be unlikely. If she said there were 4 in the fleet, the 5th could have already been on the baseship when she said it. That means it’s likely to be either Baltar (which has been known to experience Cylon projection as they do), the Laura (cruel if you consider the whole cancer thing) or one of the viper pilots (all small characters, also unlikely). My vote’s with Baltar being the 5th.
Ok. A few things.
First of all, it is pretty obvious that Earth was nuked to death. The scanner that was used to test the radition levels of the dirt when Adama ran his fingers through it in the final scene. (Hahahaha… I was looking for the statue of liberty reference myself and was a bit disappointed there wasn’t any. Hehehe… that would have made my day.)
As for the 5th, I see three possibilities.
My first instinct was that since D’anna side the fourth wasn’t in the fleet that meant they were already onboard. There were a few possibilities… but wouldn’t it be ironic if Laura is the fifth considering that D’Anna already told us she was. I’m sure they’d get some laughs out of that one. The other option could be Baltar which is just as likely.
But here’s a big question I’ve been wondering. What about Callandra Tyrol? Isn’t it odd that they would seemly have also had a hybrid baby although there seems to be little importance placed on it. Saul’s getting a version of #6 pregnant proves that Cylons can mate with other Cylons. What is Callie is or was the 5th and their child actually wasn’t a hybrid like we might assume?
Or maybe there’s a higher purpose. What if the final Cylon is on Earth. What if this Cylon has been the one orchestrating this whole thing to bring them all “home.” What if this was all part of a larger master plan and this God or Gods that they’ve been seeking and that has been “guiding them” is actually the 5th and final model? I think that very well might be possible. I think it would be fitting that the god they seek turns out to be the last model. But I guess we’ll see.
Granted… if we are going to play the mom game I think Starbuck’s mom would be the more likely choice… but I don’t think it is either mother. Either way, thoughts anyone?
A couple years ago Time Magazine chose “You!” as their Person of the Year. The cover for that issue was a reflecto mirror, so anyone picking it up could see themselves as the Person of the Year. Maybe the final Cylon will be like that! We’re ALL the final Cylon.