Cylon Says - BSG: The Road Less Traveled
Star TrekStargate:AtlantisFireflyBy Lisa Fary
Starbuck needs a glue gun, a fun shaped hole puncher, and some pink glitter. Only then will her therapeutic crafts table be complete.
With the amount of time we have left to resolve the BSG story, do we really have minutes to spare for Starbuck and her fingerpaint recreation of Fozzie Bear’s Studebaker?
Come to think of it, Starbuck and Leoben’s seemingly blind search for Earth is a lot like Kermit and Fozzie trying to find their way to Hollywood in The Muppet Movie. Even Kermit and Fozzie’s catchy tune, “Movin’ Right Along”, is appropriate to Starbuck’s current situation with Leoben and the stranded Cylons:
Movin’ right along
Foot-loose and fancy free.
Gettin’ there is half the fun; come share it with me.
Movin’ right along!
Doog-a-doon, doog-a-doon
We’ll learn to share the load!
We don’t need a map to keep this show on the road.
So, if Starbuck is Kermit and Leoben is Fozzie, how would we round out the rest of the cast of Muppetstar Galactica?
| Adama and Tigh: | Statler and Waldorf (two old timers who criticize everything) |
| President Roslin: | Sam the Eagle |
| Apollo: | Miss Piggy (totally in love with Kermit and never really getting him) |
| Gaeta: | Scooter (backstage gofer and road manager with an eye for details) |
| Baltar: | Gonzo |
| Baltar’s Hot Babes: | Gonzo’s chickens |
| Six: | Camilla the Chicken (the love of Gonzo’s life) |
| Chief: | Rowlf the Dog (moonfaced and a bit philosophical) |
From here, this is what will happen: the fleet will break down and Baltar will sing a touching song by a campfire:
This looks familiar, vaguely familiar,
Almost unreal, yet, it’s too soon to feel yet.
Close to my soul, and yet so far away.
I’m going to go back there someday.
Then, the fleet will finally get to Earth, only to discover that Orson Welles is the Imperious Leader and that their whole ordeal was for a new reality show on Fox (which will be cancelled after three episodes).
I haven’t figured out when the fleet will run into Doctor Teeth and the Electric Mayhem. Maybe they’ll be on the ship of lights or that casino planet.
Oh, wait. Wrong Battlestar.
But, what really happened in this episode? Leoben showed up, Chief got a hug, Helo beat down some guy who was smaller than him, and the Demetrius crew mutinied against Starbuck (which we kind of knew was coming anyway. Even she didn’t seem too surprised by it).
Oh, well. As long as Helo and Anders continue to wear tank tops, I’m moderately appeased.
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Lisa Fary is a graduate of the creative writing program at Florida State University and holds an advanced degree in Special Education. Her early exposure to classic Battlestar Galactica in 1979 is largely responsible for her lifelong interest in science fiction and her childhood ambition of being an intergalactic space cowgirl.
Stumble it!
