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Article by Alpha-Girl
Lisa Fary's earliest influences are Princess Leia, Rainbow Bright, Astronaut Barbie, and her 6th grade teacher, Ms. Palmer. She's angry that it's 2011 and she still doesn't have a hovercraft, but will accept a jetpack as consolation. That jetpack had better be pink with a rhinestone monogram. 8 Comments
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I’m confident that the talents of Steven Spielberg will save Indiana Jones and the Kingdom of the Crystal Skull from a fate worse than The Phantom Menace.
I may have had my issues with Mr. Spielberg (I really HATED A.I.) but in the end I have to admit, he’s a great director (okay, so the only part of A.I. I HATED (all caps) was the end. And not the robot aliens, but the weird narration thing. Seriously what WAS that?).
I miss the days of THX 1138. But after Star Wars, Lucas never traveled down that road again.
“It seems that Lucas fails to realize a key aspect to The Phantom Menace’s frosty reception: The Phantom Menace sucked.”
Sing it, sister. I tried to like the prequels, I really did. They had a few good moments, but on the whole they were much too targeted at children who had no idea they were getting bad writing and worse directing. (I refuse to blame the actors, because I’ve seen them all do other things and they can all act when given the right material and decent direction.)
“I don’t care what anyone says, Epcot is the best Disney theme park. Learning is fun”
I love Epcot. Sure, the Magic Kingdom has better rollercoasters, but does it have jumping water or 3D movies?
“I now fall on the side of Darth Vader there – Obi-Wan had it coming.”
No kidding. I mean, okay, Yoda was a busy guy. He had better things to do than give pep-talks to whiny teens. But shouldn’t Kenobi — Anakin’s freakin’ teacher — have sat the kid down and told him, “Yes, you’re special, but you’re still very young. Be patient.”?! (Yes, I realize this would’ve created a plot continuity paradox, because then Vader wouldn’t have existed in the first place, but still. I’d like some better character motivation than the fact that he’s a self-centered emo boy who’s ignored by the guy that’s supposed to be tutoring him.)
“I’m confident that the talents of Steven Spielberg will save Indiana Jones and the Kingdom of the Crystal Skull from a fate worse than The Phantom Menace.”
I was really encouraged to see an interview (on the official movie page, I think) in which Spielberg basically implied that he wasn’t letting Lucas have any input beyond the main story ideas. He couched it in a way that sounded like he was being nice and taking some immense burden off of George by not asking him to write the actual script or help with the directing, but really he kinda told the fans, “Don’t worry. He’s not that involved. I won’t let him mess this one up.” I hope that’s as comforting to other people as it is to me.
I worked backwards from Indiana Jones to Star Wars as I fed my infactuation with Harrison Ford, so Star Wars was always all about Han. My vague doubts surrounding the new Indiana were crystallised when I read the first line of your article in my email subcription. No! Don’t let it be! Lucas can’t ruin it, please!!!!
Way to give a girl a heart attack, Ms Fray! I couldn’t click fast enough to read the awful truth. You are forgiven, though. The rest of your well-timed, well-written piece was reassurance enough – it’s going to be ok. Really it is. We won’t have to cover the kid’s eyes while we sit there, agape at the wrongness unfolding onscreen. But, just in case, I have a prayer we can all use:
Dear buddha please bring me a pony and a plastic rocket…and don’t let Indiana be a pile of poopy. So say we all.
Rhea – actually, the ending in AI was a Kubrick idea, surprisingly enough! It’s just that Spielberg takes to sappy endings like ducks to water.
Lisa – like you said, Crystal Skull is an actual SEQUEL, not a prequel. It’s funny, but whenever I think of the Star Wars movies, I remember the fact that he actually started making them at Part 4 of the story, which is what A New Hope was. And I want to smack him and say, “Do you know why you started there? Because that’s when the story got INTERESTING! No one CARES about backstory as much as they care about current conflict. The important part of the story isn’t that Anakin and Padme had a sappy love affair, the important part of the story is that Anakin became evil Darth Vader and was the father of the kid who was supposed to be the one hope for good! You could have told the story of all three prequels in one well-done flashback in the first trilogy. Done and done.”
He acts as though he “wanted to tell” this long, “important” story, but the fact is, he had no idea Star Wars was going to be as popular and long-lasting as it was, and when he saw that was the case, he wanted to squeeze more money out of the francise. Smart business move, to be sure. At the same time, good stories rarely come from good business decisions. Usually, it’s the other way around.
Also, I’m very happy he didn’t write or direct Crystal Skull. He’s notoriously a horrible director with actors – the actors in the first three Star Wars movies were great in SPITE of his direction – and he writes crappy dialogue – the actors were so good they sold his crap.
@Robin: Ditto
My apologies for the heart attack, higlet! I was going for a jaw-dropping attention grabber! I still have some doubts about Indiana Jones, but doubting is pretty much my natural state of being anymore after being so sorely disappointed by other sequels (and prequels).
Teresa – right there with you. I felt like everything that went on in the prequels should have been the domain of fanfic. (and fanfickers probably could have done a better job).
“Star Wars: Attack of the Clones” was the WORST movie going experience I have ever had!
(Others in this genre – “Moulin Rouge“, “Batman and Robin“)
These movies weren’t just bad, they ACTUALLY made me dizzy!
Watching it was like the effects of a Pan Galactic Gargle Blaster -
“Like having your brains smashed out by a slice of lemon wrapped round a large gold brick.”
Except there was no slice of lemon and the brick wasn’t gold . . .
Rhea – actually, the ending in AI was a Kubrick idea, surprisingly enough! It’s just that Spielberg takes to sappy endings like ducks to water.
Ugh, ain’t THAT the truth. But I had NO idea that was a Kubrick idea, so thanks for bringing that to light.
And just a small tidbit if anyone cares: I take back that THX 1138 comment, cause after I wrote it, I discovered that he “updated” that movie as well, like he did for the original Star Wars flicks! What is he thinking? Is he SO insecure about his work that he has to go back and eff it up?!?