Cylon Says – BSG: The Ties That Bind

By Lisa Fary

Oh, Battlestar Galactica, where have all your good women gone? Seriously, I’d like to know because your so-called “strong” women aren’t so strong anymore.

When BSG first started its run, the women were inspiring.

• We had Laura Roslin, the teacher who became a strong president.
• We had Starbuck, the pilot who held her own against any obstacle thrown in her path.
• We had Dualla, who despite his obvious disinterest, wouldn’t take no from the man of her (misguided) dreams (that’s saying something, right?).
• We got Condi (whose name is actually Tory, but I think it’s funny to call her Condi), the president’s level headed chief of staff.
• And we had Callie, the cute deckhand who turned out to be surprisingly strong and spunky.

What’s become of our awesome women in season four?

• President Roslin is acting like President Bush.
• Starbuck has become. . . ugh. I can’t even talk about Starbuck without ranting. The crazed behavior, the cheating, the screaming on the floor, the smacking Anders then falling into rough sex with him. It’s embarrassing to me and I’m not even the one doing it.
• Dualla turned out to be a doormat. She will totally take Apollo back should he ever waltz back to Galactica after frakking his way through all the females in the Quorum and finding out that none of them would put up with his crap.
• Condi has turned into your typical scary, sexpot, Cylon babe.
• And Callie, the cute little deckhand who could, went berserk and is now dead. At least she got a few wrench whacks in to Chief’s head before she went down.

Prior to this episode, were there any indications that Callie was unstable and popping pills? I really don’t remember it and it seems out of character for her. Callie is scrappy. Callie is the kind of girl who bites a guy’s ear off when he threatens her.

However, Callie did break one of the 8 Simple Rules for Surviving Sci-Fi, and as such, she had to die.

Callie broke Rule #6: Don’t tell lies or be a sneaky bitch. The moment Callie sneaked into the crawl space to eavesdrop on Chief, Condi, and Tigh, she was doomed. Her doom was compounded when she took her baby into a launch tube, presumably for a murder-suicide.

[nms:battlestar galactica,1,0]

And excuse me, BSG people? I believe I said naked ANDERS stepping out of a tub of goo, not naked DEAN STOCKWELL.

But, I guess we’re supposed to love him for his mind, which is really hard to do considering that Cavil is, to use Teresa’s term, a misogynist douchebag.

Cavil has a serious problem with women who don’t do topless ballet for him or bang him to get their one-eyed husbands out of Cylon jail.

Let’s review:

• Cavil boxed the Lucy Lawlesses. Not just one personality, but the entire line. That’s every Lucy Lawless. I hope she comes back and kicks his scrawny, naked ass.
• Cavil has now murdered several Base Stars filled with Sixes and Eights.

At least we were spared from Baltar’s Temple of Hot Babes Who Like to Do It.

Hey, wait a minute. . . previously rational females catching the crazies. . . an unattractive guy killing hot women. . . other hot women who dig the smart guy. . . .

Did someone get dumped? Is someone working out some frustration with women? Can you maybe, like, not take out your frustration and misunderstanding of women out on my show? Please? You’re ruining my girls, and I kinda hate you for it.

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Lisa Fary is a graduate of the creative writing program at Florida State University and holds an advanced degree in Special Education. Her early exposure to classic Battlestar Galactica in 1979 is largely responsible for her lifelong interest in science fiction and her childhood ambition of being an intergalactic space cowgirl.

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