Battlestar Galactica 1978 – Gun on Ice Planet Zero Part 1
by Nancy Mathews
Memory is a funny thing. Re-watching these old BSGs, I can’t say that I remember them well. There’s a flash here and there and the overall mythos is still clear but outside of the pilot (which I had the photo-novel for) I haven’t remembered much at all. Until now. Mostly I think I remember this episode because I wanted to be Bond girl Britt Ekland when I grew up.
Adama is complaining that their most recent encounter with the Cylons was a set up. They cut and run far too quickly. They didn’t stay the course. Meanwhile, the pilots are out on patrol with a few nuggets – oops! wrong BSG! – I mean, cadets, with them. The patrol runs into a planet with an arctic environment, which is actually a Cylon stronghold with a giant pulsar gun. Cadet 1 sees flashes of light and decides to go investigate. He is quickly dispatched by the Cylons. Cadets 2 and 3 decide to get closer to the planet to destroy the weapon, which was a brilliant move, since it went sooo well for the first guy.
The head centurion decides to take one of the pilots alive as a souvenir. They blast Cadet 2 and pick up Cadet 3, whose name is Cree. Starbuck tries to save him, but fails.
Adama refuses to go back (remember what I said about him about leaving people behind?), although he does agree to send a special team in to try for a rescue and to destroy the pulsar gun. He tells Tigh to have the computer search through all the survivors to assemble a team of people particularly qualified to go on this mission. Starbuck, still in the throes of guilt, cons his way into the computer control room and makes sure he is one of the chosen.
It’s so cute the way he trades on his pretty face like a woman. No one thinks he’s smart enough to re-program a computer so he gets away with it.
When the computer spits out its list, it turns out the team is made up of prisoners, Boomer, Apollo and Starbuck. Boomer questions what qualifications Starbuck has to go on the mission and encourages him to bow out, but Starbuck stands fast.
The Cylons are questioning Cree about the fleet’s location. When Cree doesn’t cooperate, they explain they will just use the brain probe to extract the information anyway. So why did they start out with questioning? Mercy from a Cylon or just laziness?
Apollo explains to Boxey that he’s going away. . . again. This time to an ice planet, which gets Boxey very excited. He asks if he and Muffit can go too, since they’ve never seen snow. Apollo, in a moment of parental clarity, says no.
The prisoners are cranky since they figure they are really just expendable cannon fodder as far as Adama is concerned. What they don’t realize is everyone is expendable as far as Adama is concerned.
[nms:cylon,1,0]
The Cylons spot the strike force coming and send out raiders to intercept. They take down the viper escort with the pulsar and one of the raiders succeeds in hitting the shuttle, which sustains heavy damage and goes down. Some of the team are injured, but they do manage to take out the last raider using the gun on the “snowram”.
The planet is dark and cold. The shuttle is too damaged to fly again and it’s life support is down. The snowram is still functional, so they move everyone into it. Apollo has an unpleasant surprise when he finds Boxey and Muffit stowing away inside the snowram.
They really wanted to see the snow.
The convicts argue over whether or not to complete the mission. Apollo interrupts, ordering two of the convicts to ride on top of the snowram. The two argue and one shoots the other. He does not succeed in killing his fellow convict, but he does succeed in killing the power cell for the vehicle. This leaves the team stranded in the storm with no life support and no heat.
Muffit takes this as his cue to leave and goes running out into the storm. Things are pretty dire in the ram. Starbuck is going on about Cree. His guilt is so not hot – it is in fact kind of whiny.
Meanwhile, Muffit is running around in the snow having a grand ole time, until. . . he runs into a Cylon foot patrol searching for the survivors of the shuttle crash.
Our heroes and convicts awaken in a nice warm room with blankets. It seems that damn daggit saved the day by finding some inhabitants. Their rescuer goes to get them water…and returns from the other side of the room empty handed. It seems they’re clones but the PC term is “Theta-class lifeforms”. There are in fact only two models – a male and a female – but hundreds of copies (Three Britt Eklands for Starbuck to ogle! He’s happy!).
The thetas explain the scientist who created them, whom they call the Father Creator, Dr. Ravashol also created the pulsar. The Cylons allow him to live in exchange for his creations.
The thetas agree to help the team get closer to the mountain where the pulsar is located. They head into the ravines which will lead to their village. The thetas scout ahead, see a Cylon patrol, and go back to warn the team. Everyone stays in the ravine while the patrol passes overhead. Apollo, in his infinite fatherly wisdom, has brought Boxey and Muffit along with them.
Muffit can’t keep from growling at the Cylons. Did anybody think to outfit this mechanical daggit with an on/off switch or at the very least a volume control?
Baltar makes his first appearance at this point. Sitting in his big chair, laughing his evil laugh and telling Lucifer how it is all going according to plan. He is herding the Galactica so they must pass the pulsar. He’s quite proud of himself, as usual.
Next up – Fun times on a cold planet…Gun on Ice Planet Zero Pt 2.
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Nancy Mathews works very hard at masquerading as a grown up to go to work and raise her two sons. Once the sun goes down she reverts to the 10 year old that she actually is. You can follow her plans for world domination through the formation of an army of knitters on her blog, Bronxgirlknits.
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