LOST – The Economist (and, An Apology)
by Teresa Jusino
Maybe it’s because the most recent episode aired on Valentine’s Day, but it seems like a significant number of Lost fans watched the show this past week with loved ones who don’t share their fascination with the show, and with whom they wouldn’t ordinarily spend a Thursday night for that reason. I’ve heard several reports of Lost newbies being forced to endure an hour of unbridled fan obsession the likes of which they’d never seen before. And so, I’d like to start this week’s Lost column with an apology. To those of you out there who don’t watch Lost but love people who do…I’m sorry. I’m sorry that we scream things like “OH MY GOD!” and “WHAT THE F%$@!” after every single bit of dialogue. I’m sorry that we shush you every time you take a breath too loudly for us to hear a crucial bit of information. Most of all, I’m sorry that you don’t watch this show, because if you did, you would understand why we’re doing these things, and you’d be right there with us.
Now, for the rest of you…
OH MY GOD, WHAT THE F%$@! OK so first Sayid was all on a golf course so we knew that he was one of the Oceanic Six right? but then there was this guy who bet him a lot of money on a shot and apparently Sayid has 100 Euros to throw around so he bets the guy and the guy makes the shot so Sayid owes him money right? but then he tells the guy he’s one of the Oceanic Six and the guy freaks out and doesn’t want to take his money but then Sayid gets all weird and insistent about giving him his money like he knows the guy and then the guy gets more freaked out and then SAYID SHOOTS HIM (OH MY GOD, WHAT THE f%$@!) and then just walks off like some kind of badass Iraqi James Bond
[nms:lost naveen andrews,1,0]
meanwhile on the island the flashback now right? Sayid is convincing the rest of the Jack Camp that they need to get Charlotte from Locke and Locke’s convincing Sawyer that they need Ben and can’t kill him and he can’t find the cabin and everything’s all tense right? so then Locke decides to set up the Jack Camp because he knows that they’ll eventually come for Charlotte which they do so he has Hurley sit tied up in a closet to make Sayid, Kate, and Miles think that he was left behind but then he plays them (OH SNAP!) and then they’re all Locke’s prisoner and then Sawyer reveals to Kate that he wants to “play house” with her (GAG!) and then back at Jack’s camp Daniel is doing this weird experiment where he’s having the freighter send some kind of drone to the island and there’s a countdown but when Regina on the freighter says the drone should’ve arrived Daniel doesn’t see anything right away but then several minutes later the drone arrives and its clock doesn’t match the clock on the island even though they were supposed to be synchronized (WHAT THE f%$@!)
but that doesn’t even come close to the excitement of what’s going on in present day civilization Sayid meets this random German woman who turns out to not be so random she’s wearing the same bracelet Sayid later finds on Naomi and she’s got this creepy boss who’s an “economist” who’s never in town but keeps up with her by her pager and Sayid is totally playing her trying to get close to her boss but he ends up falling for her which is a job hazard when you’re the Iraqi James Bond
flash back to the island where Sayid makes a deal with Locke and exchanges Charlotte for Miles unbeknownst to Miles (OH SNAP!) then Sayid takes Charlotte back to the Jack Camp where he, Desmond, Frank, and Naomi’s petrified corpse get onto the helicopter and fly to the freighter and Sayid has “a moment” as he watches the island get further and further away…
back in civilization Sayid is with the German chick that he’s manipulating/falling in love with right? so she gets a call from her mysterious economist boss after which Sayid confesses that he was using her and tells her to run for her life but then SHE SHOOTS SAYID (WHAT THE f%@!) and gets back on the horn to mysterious boss guy but then Sayid grabs his own gun and SHOOTS THE GERMAN CHICK (HOLY CRAP!) and later we see the wounded Sayid in what looks like a vet’s office about to have someone tend to his shoulder andohmygodirecognizethatmysteriousvoice clearly the guy Sayid is talking to and who’s going to fix his shoulder is the guy he’s working for andiknowthatvoiceandthenweseetheguy’sfaceandOHMYGODIT’SBEN!!!! SAYID IS WORKING FOR BEN! (OH MY GOD, WHAT THE f%$@!) and then when Sayid says he doesn’t want to kill for him anymore Ben is all oh yes you will there are still people on the list and Sayid is all but they know i’m coming for them and Ben is all good (BADASS!) and OH MY GOD, WHAT THE f%$@! Who the f%$@! is the “economist” that German chick was working for, and what the f%$@! is up with Daniel’s clocks and why the f%$@! is Hurley being so mysterious about knowing where the cabin is?!
F%$@!
[nms:lost matthew fox,1,0]
This season of Lost is amazing. I would advise those of you who have loved ones who don’t share your obsession with this show to keep them away from you on Thursday nights. 1) they won’t appreciate the glory of this season no matter how much you squeal and scream and jump up and down, and 2) they will ruin your experience by asking you what’s going on every five minutes and/or being all MST3K during the show, giving you running, uninformed commentary when all you want to do is hear wisecracking gems like Hurley referencing Miles by saying Oh great. They sent us another Sawyer. Priceless!
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TERESA JUSINO entered the world kicking and screaming in 1979 and hasn’t stopped screaming since. As a writer, her work has appeared in Elmont Life newspaper, and on the sadly defunct website, CentralBooking.com. She is currently at work on a collection of short stories. As a geek, Teresa loves Star Trek, Lost, comics, and anything Joss Whedon ever touched. Also, she has a fangirl *squee-ing* crush on Brian K. Vaughan. Yes, she knows he’s married. Teresa recommends: 5 Minute Lost
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OK, so Sayid is obviously working for Ben under duress. Got to be – despite his torturer past, he’s a good guy and I don’t see him teaming up with Ben without a good reason. Lives have to be on the line.
And Hurley, at first I thought he might have been afraid of Locke’s reaction, but he’s obviously still willing to work with the guy. It may be that he’s not sure he actually saw it, like his imaginary bald friend.