“Well, that is your name, isn’t it? Calvin Klein? It’s written all over your underwear.” - Lorraine Baines, Back to the Future

By Melissa Voelker

Bionic Woman may not have been a terribly well written or well acted show, yet I still feel it deserves a proper send off into the land of Television Programs That Are No More. Sure I wanted to scream and yell and shake some sense into Jaime Summers from time to time, but that was only because I thought she could do so much better.

Given an attitude upgrade and some acting classes for Michelle Ryan, I think she could have made something really memorable of herself - and I mean memorable in a good way. She was surrounded by some first rate talent, including Miguel Ferrer and Katee Sackhoff, who could have taught her a lot about fleshing a character out and making them believable. With some well-written storylines and believable plotlines, Bionic Woman could have become something really special. Unfortunately, due to production being halted early on, and ratings dropping while still airing episodes, this was not to be.

So hasta la vista new but not necessarily improved Bionic Woman. Goodbye often forgotten and ignored teenage sister Becca, with your untapped background of computer hacking and rebellion. Goodbye dead fiancée full of secrets and living CIA boyfriend with not enough secrets.

So long Crazy Katee and your bag of nuttiness, I would have loved to see your clock run out while you delivered a touching last monologue in the rain (like that given by Roy Batty when his replicant timer went off.)

Sayonara Nathan the wonderfully funny and nerdy and cute tech guy. It would have been nice to see more of you and less of not so funny or cute Dr. Ruth, but it wasn’t meant to be.

Adios Jaime’s friends who I don’t even think had names and couldn’t tell apart anyway, and adios Antonio who was dead but not forgotten (at least not within the first ten minutes of the episode after his death.)

Ciao Jonas, who started out gruff and tough, and then turned into Mr. Sensitive.

MICHELLE RYAN the bionic woman STEPPIN OUT SEPT 2007

US $0.01 (0 Bid) End Date: Thursday Dec-04-2008 13:55:05 PST Bid now | Add to watch list

Bon voyage Jae, lover and trainer of bionic women. It would have been nice to see some real closure between you and Crazy Katee, even if that meant she finally just killed you after you wimped out on killing her yet again.

And goodbye to you, Jaime Summers, bartender who could have gone to Harvard, guardian who never watches over your sister, secret agent who can’t seem to pull of a mission without messing it up royally first, and amusing drunk who brought the word “douche” back into the everyday lexicon. We didn’t know you well, but maybe, in the end, we knew you well enough.

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About Melissa: By day a mild-mannered tv station receptionist, by night a fighter of crime and corruption in the dirty streets of Spokane, WA . . . or maybe not so much. More like a hyperactive, anal-retentive daytime receptionist and a melodramatic, hyperactive nighttime fangirl who only wishes she could be a fighter of crime and champion of justice (except that would lead to getting my super costume all dirty and I hate doing laundry.) Though my intent has always been to write bestselling novels and live a life of wealth and luxury, putting my talents for snarkiness and word doodling together while letting my geek flag fly suits me just fine - for now.