Entertainment Weekly‘s 2007 reader poll made me feel like I live on another planet. The Simpsons was one of the funniest movies of 2007? Along with Evan Almighty? Transformers was the best DVD? Am I just that out of touch? Or do I really just hate everything? Probably both – I work from home and have a hate filled little heart. Here are my best movies of 2007:
The movies of 2007 were like my prom: a whole lot of prepping with architectural hair (45 bobby pins to hold that sucker up), glitter nails and a strapless bra for what turned out to be nothing special.
I got all worked up about Spider-Man 3, The Simpsons Movie and even Transformers a little bit, never made it to the theater for any of them and then was underwhelmed when I saw the DVDs. Even Harry Potter, who I could always count on to be magical and absorbing, was uninspired and pedestrian (and didn’t have enough Professor Snape and Sirius Black).
Best DVD Release: Blade Runner: The Final Cut
No voiceover. No happy ending. More blood and violence. Sharper special effects. And, there’s no question that Decker is a replicant. This is how you remaster and add extras to a classic (I’m talking to you, George Lucas. Don’t you walk away from me!!)
The Other Best DVD Release: Flash Gordon: Savior of the Universe Edition
I’ve never seen Ming’s bling, Aura’s belly button and Flash Gordon’s lazy eyes so clearly. Did you know Klytus has rotting eyes inside that gold mask? I didn’t and I finally saw them for the first time (before they popped out of his head upon Hawkman spike impalement). It was gross.
The Movie that Made Me Tear Up from Sweetness: Stardust
I hate sweetness, sincerity and love. Happy endings make wanna puke. And yet, Stardust‘s sweet love story poked a hole through my armor of cynical old hag (and John’s companion armor of cranky curmudgeon) and made me want a happy ending for Yvaine and Tristan.
Funniest Movie I Saw in an Antique Oakland Movie House with a Mighty Wurlitzer: Hot Fuzz
OK, funniest movie of 2007, period. I love everything about Hot Fuzz. If I were stranded on an island, one that miraculously had DVD capabilities, I’d want to be stranded with Hot Fuzz.
Best Movie I’ve Seen in 2007: Inland Empire and No Country for Old Men
After seeing Inland Empire at the theater (we finally got it in Tucson this year), all I could do was lay on the living room floor and stare at the ceiling fan for about half an hour. I can’t even describe it except to say that watching Inland Empire is like being a passenger on a haunted cruise ship captained by David Lynch. And then he throws you overboard and it’s your responsibility to swim for shore.
No Country for Old Men ruined my weekend. Like with Inland Empire, I couldn’t do anything else after I saw it, but it wasn’t because I was so packed with Lynchian imagery. It was because I was so depressed and saw no point in even trying to get ahead and do the right thing – some blabber mouthed bitch would screw it all up and I’d wind up dead anyway. Beyond that, No Country for Old Men is easily one of the most amazing movies I’ve seen this year. Javier Bardem (who is normally very dreamy) will haunt my dreams for a while.
What I’m Looking Forward to in 2008: Speed Racer, Iron Man, The Other Boleyn Girl (shut up! – it’s a costume drama with Eric Bana), The Lovely Bones, Hellboy 2: The Golden Army, The Dark Knight, Where the Wild Things Are
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Lisa Fary's earliest influences are Princess Leia, Rainbow Bright, Astronaut Barbie, and her 6th grade teacher, Ms. Palmer. She's angry that it's 2011 and she still doesn't have a hovercraft, but will accept a jetpack as consolation. That jetpack had better be pink with a rhinestone monogram. 
Don’t feel out of touch, those lists of EW’s SUCKED MAJOR BLEEPS. Seriously. I HATED Transformers. I really really really hated Transformers.
My brother looked at me like I had two heads when I said I hated Transformers. I watched about a third of that movie on fast forward. Who needs a 30 minute final battle scene? And why does Optimus Prime sound like Winnie the Pooh on steroids?
I loathed Transformers, too. Loooooooooathed. All of that awkward, nonsensical, forced humor shoved in at every given opportunity? Two hours of wanting to punch everything human and robot in the face if they didn’t shut up?