Bionic Woman: Do Not Disturb

By Melissa Voelker
Tonight’s very special episode begins with a bar wake for poor Antonio, with everyone sitting around a table drinking and looking forlorn. That’s right, I almost forgot he bit it at the end of the last episode. It was done so quickly and in such an overused, cliché type of way that it slipped my mind. Anyways, Jonas tries to be empathetic to a hurting Jaime, and she throws a random Will Anthros comment back his way. Not that she mentions his name or anything, you just get the idea who she is talking about because he is the only other dead person she was any kinds of attached too. The best part of the whole weird wake scenario is Dr. Ruth making a very funny comment about sleeping with Antonio once and how amazing it was. Her delivery is so deadpan and spot on bizarre that it garnered a real laugh out of me. Go Dr. Ruth.

But moving on, depressed Jaime goes a little nuts apprehending a baddie for Berkhut. I guess she isn’t taking Antonio’s death very well at all. I’m not sure I buy her “pain” though. She and Antonio weren’t exactly close. She trusted him at one point and then didn’t the next. They were buddies and then they were fighting to the death. Even in that last mission before he died she first accused him of being a traitor before believing that he wasn’t. So why is she acting like she lost her best friend?

Once again she is getting wishy-washy about being a government agent. I thought we left flaky Jaime behind a few weeks ago (and I can’t say that I missed her.) Jonas tries again to be all fatherly toward her but she shoots him down (figuratively) big time. So instead he sends her off on an easy, relaxing “vacation” type assignment in Montana. Jaime decides to bring Becca along since she pretty much ignored her last episode so its time to pretend her sister is important again.

Back at headquarters (okay, I’ve just always wanted a reason to write that, and now that I have it doesn’t seem as cool as I thought it would) Nathan asks Jae to teach him how to fight. Seems his brother has been picking on him in a physical fashion and he wants to be able to defend himself. The whole getting beat up by his brother and still living with his parents thing is a little stereotypical for a tech geek character, but Nathan pulls it off really well, and I’m not just saying that because he is my TV boyfriend. I’m saying it because he is awesome.

Jaime meets up with her contact in Montana, a creepy guy in a car that asks her if she has x-ray vision. She gives him a briefcase, he says some weird stuff, and they part ways. After calling in to report to Jonas, Jaime hands her phone over to Becca so they can enjoy uninterrupted sister time. I’m sure that won’t come back to bite her in the ass later. Guy from the car shoots himself up in a swanky hotel room and that is probably going to lead to trouble later as well.

The next morning Jaime gets a call from an angry Jonas who didn’t like her ditching her cell phone, and Becca picks up a cute stranger in the hotel gift shop. So it’s no big deal when Jaime needs to run off to check on Car Guy because Becca has a date. Not surprisingly, Jaime finds Car Guy dead. She lets Jonas know his agent has OD’d and demands in on the job but is told a very resounding “No.” So she roots through Car Guy’s stuff and realizes he was an assassin. She starts freaking out but manages to follow orders and clean up the body. Of course she leaves her fingerprints on EVERYTHING so hopefully Berkhut will send a much better “cleaning” crew to destroy the evidence she is leaving behind.

[nms:bionic woman,2,0]

Color me not surprised when it turns out Becca’s new boyfriend’s daddy is the guy Berkhut sent Car Guy to assassinate. He is a scientist posing as an accountant but really out to sell secrets to North Korea so they can make their own nuclear weapons. Right. Whatever. This show is so riddled with clichés and overused plot devices that is makes my head hurt.

Jonas decides to head on over to Montana himself to take care of business, and he drags Nathan along as his back up. Cause I can totally see the little tech nerd as an assassin. I mean I love him, don’t get me wrong, but he is not a killer and never will be and this is one of the dumbest ways to get characters altogether in one place that I have ever seen.

Jaime doesn’t play well with Dad/Target Guy and he gets all kinds of suspicious. She is so crap at being cool and undercover that it is really kind of sad. Then she calls Jonas and acts like Dad/Target/Baddie JUST HAPPENED to figure her out when IT WAS HER OWN DAMN FAULT he became suspicious. Because things are heating up and Becca is basically an accessory item, Jaime ditches her at a spa and grabs Dad/Target and son. Her escape tactic doesn’t work out terribly well when they have to escape Dad/Target’s car in the nick of time before it blows up. They end up stealing a different car and Jaime calls Jonas on Dad’s cell phone.

Meanwhile back in La La Land Becca is getting her treatment and completely oblivious to the fact that Jaime dumped her. Poor dumb, trusting Becca. Jaime takes her hostages to a restaurant and refuses to answer Dad’s questions. Jonas and some baddies catch up to them and Jaime does another awful job of being undercover as she punches people out right in front of civilians. Then Jonas kills someone right in the parking lot because it is impossible for any of these people to do anything discreetly.

Jaime and Jonas have a heart to heart in the car on the way back to the hotel. He tells her she can fill Becca in on her secrets if she wants, but then gives her a dire warning seconds later which makes it very obvious what a BAD IDEA that would be. Sweet, dumb Becca who is still oblivious to everything.

On the drive home Jaime almost spills the beans to her slow little sister, but clams up at the last minute (of course, that wasn’t even a plot cocktease because she is always “almost” confessing everything to her slow little sister.) She does briefly mention Antonio’s death, and the most believable moment of the show comes when she admits she didn’t know him very well but it has still affected her that he died.

There were a few elements of this episode I found entertaining, such as the fact that Jaime kept having to borrow other people’s phones to make calls since she had given hers to Becca. But once again I found the majority of the show just too silly to believe. There was no reason Nathan would be the guy Jonas would pick to back him up for a possible assassination. Dragging him along like that was stupid. And by this point Becca must be mentally handicapped or something to not catch on to things going on with Jaime. They live together and are supposedly so “close” and yet it is everyone BUT Becca that notices Jaime’s displays of superhuman strength and speed. Not to mention that completely implausible cover story about selling timeshares. Who sells timeshares at two in the morning, or has “emergency” sales calls that mean the sales person has to fly across the world – at two in the morning? They could have come up with something a whole lot more believable but instead they are running with this lame story and it is getting old.

Tonight’s recap goes a little like this:

Not-so subtle scenes with a message for the kiddies that drugs are bad and can kill you – 1

Times Jonas tried to act all fatherly and Jaime shot him down – 2

Times Jonas tried to act all fatherly and Jaime let him – 1

Number of minutes I spent wondering if Becca really is mentally challenged – at least 20

Number of phones Jaime had to borrow after giving away her own – 3 (I think)

Minutes I spent watching my dad pull his car out of the snow filled driveway and missing the show (but was still able to pick up what was going on when I got back to the TV) – 7

Feeling I got when they didn’t show scenes for an all new episode next week – Priceless (I had to do it, it was too good an opportunity to pass up!)

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About Melissa: By day a mild-mannered tv station receptionist, by night a fighter of crime and corruption in the dirty streets of Spokane, WA . . . or maybe not so much. More like a hyperactive, anal-retentive daytime receptionist and a melodramatic, hyperactive nighttime fangirl who only wishes she could be a fighter of crime and champion of justice (except that would lead to getting my super costume all dirty and I hate doing laundry.) Though my intent has always been to write bestselling novels and live a life of wealth and luxury, putting my talents for snarkiness and word doodling together while letting my geek flag fly suits me just fine – for now.