Heroes: Four Months Ago
Star TrekStargate:AtlantisFireflyBy TrinityVixen
And the winner is: the immovable object.
For a full season and a quarter, inquiring geeks have debated and flamed over who would be the logical victor in a conflict between a power nullifier and a power absorber. As it turns out, nullification trumps, and the Haitian is the reason Peter was, four months earlier, post-explosion, sedated and stuck in a Company gulag. (Not before barbequing half of his brother, sniff.) Happy to power-proof himself, Peter can’t see the cage for the treats—namely, the guarantee of no more going ka-boom and a few electric foreplay sessions with Elle.
Who still friggin’ annoys but has got fabulous shoes. She may be crazy, but she ain’t stupid: she knows she looks less like a kewpie doll if she rocks the pumps (which, to be fair, she does rather). Peter’s her new toy, and Baby Doll means to enjoy him, which mostly means ignoring the obvious benefits of the boy (his face and rather trim body) for the chit-chat and a shaving session. First sign she’s as crazy as advertised: she messes with the stubble. Peter can’t hardly even grow it (versus Nathan and the Beard that Ate New York), and she wants to take away what he got? She comes near Sylar’s manly growth, and we’re going to have words. With bullets.
I take back that bit about her not being stupid, too. Someone with sociopathic tendencies should know better than to trust an inmate to take his meds voluntarily. Peter bonds via air duct with the artist formerly known as Kensei, Adam. Adam sits and listens to Peter swallow the Company jazz and razzmatazz, probably thinking a gullible boy-man is his reward for hundreds of years searching for a world-threatening cohort. They scheme to escape and manage to pull it off, Peter assisting a total stranger on the condition that Adam follows through on his promise to help Nathan survive and recover from his explosion-related injuries.
HEROES NBC TV SHOW POSTER PETER PETRELLI CLAIRE
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I’d like to take a moment to continue to ponder logical paradoxes of the sort I opened with and wonder exactly what happens to Nathan if he’s healed by Adam’s blood. Adam cannot die; his cells are endlessly regenerative. Any cells transferred to Nathan’s body will not die, which would be problematic were Adam not, miraculously, completely genetically compatible with Nathan (one antigen off, and Nathan’s body would be throwing more clots than a mixture of milk and OJ). As is, they work their mojo almost as quickly as they do in Adam’s body. The cells? Still not dead. If the show hadn’t already shot the continuity editor in season one, I’d threaten them if they dropped Nathan’s slower, latent-but-still-there healing ability. As is, I’m resigned to the fact that they’ll ignore this entirely.
Just like they’re not going to explain why, if Adam were under Company lockdown, they ever went after Claire. Ahem. Time to use the Jedi Mind Tricks and wave the audience on and past this point. There’s nothing to see here. Weren’t we following Peter and Adam’s escape? We return to the action, already in progress…
Peter and Adam’s detour to visit Nathan in the hospital costs them their lead; Barbie-for-Dummies and the Haitian catch them up in no time. While Adam draws the short, blonde straw, Peter gets a holy smack down from the Haitian (yeah, you go, Immovable One). He saves Peter but steals his memory, leaving him in a shipping crate for our eventual reconnect in the season premiere. In the here and now, I debate drawing a time line to make sense of my own narrative.
Also visiting the past: Niki, DL, and Micah. It turns out that DL survived one bullet only to fall, in an equally moronic fashion, to another. The Alchemist attempts to disrupt the Saunders clan with news that Niki’s weakness for indulging her inner children means she’s down one spirit sister and likely to spawn a new one (or ones). When she doesn’t heed his warning, the new girl, Gina, takes Niki’s body for a test drive. Whereas Jessica would be stomping and slaughtering, Gina’s a self-pleasure freak. Alas, for the male viewers, her self-pleasure isn’t of the bedroom variety; she cokes herself to the nines, dresses ten years younger than she can even get away with, and parties like it’s 2099. Instead of keeping DL on the DL, the show resurrects him long enough to pluck her from the club and the arms of a Viggo-lite troll with the full-on beard-stache of douchebaggery. Said troll promptly blows his load…straight through DL’s chest. I apologize to Matt Parkman; compared to DL, he’s managed extraordinary continuity in regards to his control over his ability. DL, RIP. Again. And this is how Niki ends up working for the Company, all with the idea of preserving some sanity and her family after the tragedy that she caused. Except now she’s got the super plague, so, uh, yeah, so much for that.
Point of interest in the Saunders story, which I hope will be important in the future (thus justifying that clusterf*ck of an ends-tying session): supers who receive their abilities poorly, or who are too emotionally damaged, etc. at the time of onset are prone to personality schisms. I look forward to more time spent with the delightfully malevolent Evil Nathan, who may not have a secret name or any relevance to a dead relative in the real Nathan’s past, but whose cheerful a$$holishness is right welcome. His sadism, what with Nathan’s lawyer-honed sharpness, would be a thing of beauty to rival the ugliness of his face. Otherwise, if this has just been a waste of time and Nathan’s problems are coincidental, I’m not going to have much trouble letting the show take a long pause in the middle because of the writers’ strike. It’s practically on pause now.
In the running for plot devices least required to push forward with the seasonal narrative, Maya and Alejandro’s big break with the law unfolds in the past. Alejandro jumped a skirt with a cheating heart (and body), throwing his hat into the matrimonial ring in favor of an unworthy lady with more than just a passing friendship with her ex. Did you get that? Perhaps you did not: WOMEN ARE CHEATING, HEART-BREAKING WHORES. Literally in Niki’s case. It’s okay, though—some of them just can’t control themselves and need a strong male hand to raise them up and put them back on the path of righteousness.
Even on a feminist review site like Pink Raygun, that might seem hyperbolic. Did I mention that Maya’s possessiveness and cornering of her brother allow for his wife to slip off on a rendezvous? As if the creep-factor of Maya’s jealousy wasn’t bad enough. Whatever, lady: you’ll never have half the personality (oh, sorry, Niki, that was in bad taste) of that more famous pair of incestuous siblings (when Nathan alone is important enough to challenge Peter to recover his memory over the influence of the Immovable Object, I call incest, yo). Maya catches the less-than-virginal bride enjoying extramarital exercises at the first opportunity she has (they’re still at the reception; this is where I actually agreed with Maya about how brain-dead Alejandro must be to have rushed into marrying this wonder woman). When threatened with a choke-down, she unleashes the black goo, and unleashes it good. Everyone for blocks is down and dead except for Alejandro. Maya books it out of there, leaving him to discover on his own that his wife was at the epicenter.
Remember, though, there’s always the path of righteousness. Alejandro finds Maya trying to hew to it. He narcs on her to the cops, and she reawakens the fright-fest freak-out. Finally, Alejandro can be her savior, absorb the goo, and go on the lamb with her. All so that she can throw her own common sense out the window with her long-term memory and start flirting with Sylar, a sociopath she’s known all of five minutes before she starts flashing the address to her downtown bonanza to him. Makes Alejandro waiting some months to get married seem positively conservative (infidelity ranks somewhat lower in a list of deal-breaking habits in significant others than homicide). See what I mean about whores? I know we’re all whores for Sylar, or I am, but I’m no hypocrite about it. I cheerfully encourage all people to be whores for each other, men and women! Take that, Maya.
Next week: We need Claire back now, okay, but that still doesn’t explain why no one thought to use Adam as a substitute before this. Mr. Bennet seems to have one hand on the can-opener and the other on the whoop-ass. Good times.
About TrinityVixen: There’s an asterisk on TrinityVixen’scollege transcript that assures anyone who reads it that, though there is no specific major, degree, or certificate for it, she did, in fact, complete some kind of creative writing program as an undergrad. Armed with that symbol of irrelevant experience, she has polluted the internet with her opinions and horrible fanworks ever since (and for quite a long while before). Living poor in New York until she finds a means to become independently wealthy, she must subsist on the juicy meat of fandom. Fandom and noodles. And instant soup.
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