“Sometimes I think if I hear that word frequency once more I’ll cry.” - Uhura

By Melissa Voelker
Actress Lindsey Wagner or starlet Michelle Ryan? Love interest Six Million Dollar Man Steve Austen or Boyfriend Professor of Bionics Will Anthros? Furry bionic dog sidekick Max or computer hacker younger sister sidekick Becca? Which version of the Bionic Woman is supreme, and what gives it the right to carry that title? In an attempt to answer this important question (sure its important,why not?), the two shows will go head-to-head in a throw down, bloodthirsty competition where directors, writers, actors, and storylines compete to see which version is the Ultimate Bionic Woman and which is just so much Bionic Junk.

Round One pits the pedigrees of the original and remake, including the directors, writers, and producers, to see who has the most creative genre talent coming in, and who should be hanging their bionic head in ultimate shame. (Only directors and other background personnel with a foundation in similar projects containing an obvious Sci Fi/Fantasy/Genre theme count toward this showdown, so if a writer is working on the show as their first project or they have only done procedural courtroom dramas before they are out of the game and can only watch from the sidelines like the rest of the losers.)

Our first contender for the bionic crown is the 1976 spin-off series The Bionic Woman. Weighing in at three full television seasons and four made-for-TV movies, the original series was created by the fathers of The Six Million Dollar Man and was born to an already established audience. This association with a very successful series gives it a solid lead from the starting bell. The producers for the ‘76 series included Harve Bennett and Lionel E Siegel, who both had been producers on The Six Million Dollar Man as well as Bennet being a producer for the genre series The Invisible Man.

Directors for the ‘76 show included more Six Million Dollar Man alumni, such as Alan J Levi, Barry Crane, and Don McDougall. But to do things up right, and get some female hero action-adventure directing experience in there, Barry Crane and Ivan Dixon were brought in after both doing successful “Wonder Woman” stints. With episodes of The Twilight Zone, Kolchak: The Night Stalker, Star Trek, Planet of the Apes (the series), and even The Incredible Hulk under their belts, this was a directorial team that could kick some serious genre butt.

As for the writers that round out the ‘76 Bionic creative team, there was even more Six Million Dollar Man muscle, including Lionel E Siegel again and Steven E de Souza. Others that worked on episodes throughout the run of the series had experience coming in from writing Land of the Giants, Star Trek, The Outer Limits, Tarzan, Wonder Woman, Mannix, and TV movies for Kolchak: The Night Stalker, and The Six Million Dollar Man.”

Looks like the ‘76 show has come out swinging and definitely brought the big guns. Can the ‘07 show even manage to stay in the ring for the first round, or will they have to admit defeat before the battle has really begun? Let’s find out.

The 2007 remake/revamped version of Bionic Woman is just three pilots and two regular episodes old, but it was helped into creation by one of the most influential producers of the current genre age, David Eick. Fresh off of the new Battlestar Galactica series, a show critically acclaimed and watched by obsessively loyal fans, David Eick also brings his experience from producing movies like Darkman 2 and 3 as well as the shows American Gothic and Hercules: The Legendary Journeys. He is joined by producers from Star Trek: Voyager, Star Trek: Enterprise, Birds of Prey, Roswell, and The X-Files. Pretty impressive to start off with and at this point the ‘07 show may take the upper hand.

But then it promptly loses it when we call in the directors. So far the remake only has one credited director, Michael Dinner. Though he has had experience on shows like Invasion, the revamped Fantasy Island, and Early Edition, this isn’t enough to battle the combined strength of the ‘76 directors. Yep it looks like the ‘07 show has taken a pretty bad hit here, and they might not be able to recover enough to win this round.

Especially when the only writing muscle they can wave around comes from David Eick, who has penned episodes of Battlestar Galactica, and Laeta Kalogridis, who word-smithed on the movies Alexander, Pathfinder, and Night Watch, as well as the series Birds of Prey. Yes there is some damn fine writing in there, but can it really beat out the collected might of contributors to the ‘76 Bionic Woman? They have the original Star Trek and Wonder Woman on their side. It is just too daunting a task.

Though the ‘07 series made a better showing than expected, the winner of Round 1 is still the ‘76 show. It came with too much genre clout backing it up and, at least at this stage, is declaring its supremacy. But the battle is not over, it has really just begun. Next up is Round 2: Bionic Casting, and with Miguel Ferrar and Katee Sackoff on its side, the ‘07 series might just be able to stage a comeback.

About Melissa: By day a mild-mannered tv station receptionist, by night a fighter of crime and corruption in the dirty streets of Spokane, WA . . . or maybe not so much. More like a hyperactive, anal-retentive daytime receptionist and a melodramatic, hyperactive nighttime fangirl who only wishes she could be a fighter of crime and champion of justice (except that would lead to getting my super costume all dirty and I hate doing laundry.) Though my intent has always been to write bestselling novels and live a life of wealth and luxury, putting my talents for snarkiness and word doodling together while letting my geek flag fly suits me just fine - for now.

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