“That was my virgin-alarm. It’s programmed to go off before you do!” - Dot Matrix

By Melissa
Agent Kung-Fu and Jamie partake in a little sparring, and he kicks her ass while berating her for being too predictable in her movements (and bionic super powers went where, exactly?) Next comes sister bonding time which for once isn’t so awful. Shan-Yu breaks things up by calling Jamie with a mission to follow a guy that just happens to be buying himself a falafel in the same area as where the sisters are having lunch. Jamie knocks Falafel Guy out in his car and keeps him from leaving the area, using her bionic powers finally. Surprise! They do still exist!

For a super hacker with a checkered past, Becca is kind of dumb. She shows curiosity about Jamie’s new job for about five minutes, until a credit card is waved in her face and she scampers off to go shopping so Jamie can do her “clandestine world saving consultant” duties. And Shan-Yu can pass a lie detector test, as Agent Bottle-Blonde proves for no discernible reason. Big shock, he has no feelings.

Speaking of feelings, Crazy Katee is wigging out and Professor Daddy appears to be egging her on. He’s also shooting her up with drugs - to calm her down? Maybe, but probably not. He’s slimy, you can tell by his scratchy bad guy voice. He wants Crazy Katee to bring him Jamie, who is busy whining about having a GPS tracking device and camera installed in her brain. Shan-Yu gives her a mission to shut her up, serving as bodyguard for a rich Canadian princess with a seriously bad attitude. She is a total little bitch, something really forced home when she snaps commands at her own father. More sister time arrives to show viewers just how great Becca is compared to the Lil B. I can’t help feeling like Becca may only be getting so much screen time because it fits the ’sisterhood’ theme.

Crazy Katee stalks Jamie and Becca, and suffers from flashbacks of an old friend? Sister? Lesbian lover? It doesn’t matter now, as a big car accident leads to the girl’s death and Crazy Katee flips out. In the Now she breaks into Jamie’s apartment and they share a bizarre but very textbook informative dream. Then Jamie wakes up so they can have some awkward bionic girl talk. Crazy Katee knows that Jamie is being watched (or whatever you call it when someone is watching through your head) and wants her to meet somewhere the Agency can’t try to break things up. But if the Agency knows what is going on in Jamie’s apartment, wouldn’t they know what would be going on elsewhere, since they are tapped into her brain and all? So how can it ever be safe for Crazy Katee to contact her, when the Agency will always know? And can I get lost forever falling into the plot holes that give this show the consistency of Swiss cheese?

Shan-Yu finally wants to do something about Crazy Katee, which he failed to show interest in when Professor Boyfriend was killed and Agent Kung-Fu ran off for his illicit sex romp. Jamie argues with his plan because that is what Jamie does. She comes up with a scheme of her own to net the wacko, and Shan-Yu agrees a bit too easily to do things her way. A point is made of revealing that it was in fact Crazy Katee’s sister that died in that flashback car accident. Gee, they aren’t trying to create parallels between Jamie and her there.

Crazy Katee works out then freaks out. Basically bionics make you a crackhead. Good to know in case I ever want to replace some limbs with bionic parts. Jamie baby-sits Lil B like the good operative she isn’t, and at the same time attempts to become friends with Nathan, the Agency tech who fixed her ear in the last episode. He is actually pretty funny; I hope they keep him around. Lil B disappears while Jamie is not paying attention (she sucks as a babysitter.) Shan-Yu calls her to reveal he knows she has screwed up because of that nifty camera in her head, and she whines yet again about her lack of privacy. She catches up to Lil B at a tattoo parlor, because that is the first place any rebel teenager would go.

Having had enough of Lil B, and ready to head out for her meeting with Crazy Katee, Jamie dumps Lil B with Agent Bottle-Blonde back at Agency headquarters. She has a quick chat with Bookstore Guy, who reveals a few details about Professor Daddy and Crazy Katee that might be important for Jamie to know. I like Bookstore Guy too. Let’s see more of him. Like Katee Sackhoff, Isiah Washington has really embraced his character and gives Bookstore Guy (I can’t remember his real name, I don’t even remember ever hearing it) a level of believability that most of the characters in this show continue to lack.

Jamie meets up with Crazy Katee, who is kind enough to reveal the fact that she is a little unhinged (in case anyone missed it.) She wants the technology Jamie has, as it is the only thing that can save her. She also cattily asks a few pointed questions about how well Jamie really knew Professor Boyfriend. Could he have had secret motives in their relationship? Hmm. Agency goons break things up before every plotline for future episodes can be revealed or hinted at, and Jamie does not make any move to stop Crazy Katee from escaping.

Shan-Yu and Jamie argue yet again, as she blames him for breaking up the bionic chat fest. She wants to help Crazy Katee. I guess she has forgotten all the bad stuff Crazy Katee did in the past, like killing her boyfriend and all. Another training session follows with Agent Kung-Fu, and this time Jamie seems to have the upper hand. Bookstore Guy cuts in to really test Jamie’s mettle. He plays serious and she punishes him for it.

Crazy Katee wigs out yet again. She shoots up with Professor Daddy’s wonder drugs, but you can see as she looks at herself in the mirror that she knows this is only a temporary fix. I’m a little confused by this whole bionic tinged craziness. She told Jamie that she went crazy because of the implants and the early bionic technology, but I’m pretty sure I remember her telling Agent Kung-Fu in their love motel that she went nuts because someone ‘hacked’ her. Well which was it? Do even the writers know anymore?

Jamie and Agent Kung-Fu bond. Why not? He only called her a wild animal in the pilot episode and said she should probably be put down. It makes total sense for them to be buddies now, right? Agent Bottle-Blonde interrogates Lil B in that creepy psychological way and by the time Jamie comes to collect her she seems to have changed her attitude a bit. Or maybe not, as she proves a few minutes later when they are getting manicures. Crazy Katee busts into their girly time and gabs some more with Jamie. Baddies break into the salon to grab Lil B, and honestly I don’t know why Jamie doesn’t just let them have her. Fighting ensues and Jamie ends up asking for some help. Crazy Katee shoots one bad guy and Jamie acts surprised. Sometimes she is just an idiot. Pretty soon the baddies are dispatched. Crazy Katee apologizes for killing Jamie’s unborn baby and then asks for her help again. Apparently she is dying. Hey, she came back from the dead once, why is she so worried about it?

I love Crazy Katee. I love it when she shushes Lil B with the whole “adults are talking” line, and I love it when she says she and Jamie should form a union. I love how she is so very good at being totally and completely believable as Sarah Corvus, the strung out, mentally unstable super soldier. This show would just collapse in on itself without her around to give it a reason to be watchable. Okay, I’m done being a Katee Sackoff cheerleader now.

Lil B turns a new leaf (let’s see that last) and shares a warm fuzzy moment with Jamie. Still giddy with babysitting success, she calls Becca to have a sister minute. Meanwhile Crazy Katee freaks out and Professor Daddy acts like a slime ball. He not so subtly suggests she do something unfriendly to Becca, so Jamie can connect with her on a closer level (remember Crazy Katee lost a sister once too.) Jamie arrives home to find Crazy Katee in her apartment with Becca. Becca gets drugged, Crazy Katee acts mean. She regurgitates almost word for word what Professor Daddy said to her, though she is kind enough to add a little touch of her own so I’m not cringing too much. Jamie reasons with her, appealing to her human side and the good she knows is still in there somewhere. Have I heard this speech before, like maybe in Star Wars? If she ends up following Crazy Katee back to Professor Daddy at some point, only to have Professor Daddy shoot her up with lightning bolts from his fingers until Crazy Katee tosses him down an electrical shaft, I’m going to drive up to the studios where this show is created and smack every writer I can find as hard as possible across the face.

Eventually Jamie uses that GPS device she has been complaining about for the entire episode to set Crazy Katee up. Crazy Katee informs her that Professor Boyfriend was using her as a lab rat all along and their relationship was never real, and then escapes . . . again. I know it is being left open for Crazy Katee to be brought back in future episodes but come on. This is getting more than ridiculous.

So let us recap what we have seen today:
Yoda speeches to Jamie by more experienced agents – 2
Forced sister bonding scenes with Becca and Jamie – 2
Almost believable sister bonding scenes with Crazy Katee and her sis – 1
Times I wanted to smack Lil B upside the head – countless
Better Than Average Speeches Given for Bionic Feminists Everywhere – 1
Characters in this show worth saving – 3 (Crazy Katee, Nathan, Bookstore Guy)
Characters who should die in a fiery explosion of Agency doom – Everyone else

About Melissa: By day a mild-mannered tv station receptionist, by night a fighter of crime and corruption in the dirty streets of Spokane, WA . . . or maybe not so much. More like a hyperactive, anal-retentive daytime receptionist and a melodramatic, hyperactive nighttime fangirl who only wishes she could be a fighter of crime and champion of justice (except that would lead to getting my super costume all dirty and I hate doing laundry.) Though my intent has always been to write bestselling novels and live a life of wealth and luxury, putting my talents for snarkiness and word doodling together while letting my geek flag fly suits me just fine - for now.

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