Ask an Amateur Scientist: Uri Geller

I. The Setup

In a couple of weeks, NBC will premiere a new reality show called Phenomenon. Described as a “search for the next great mentalist”, it will be hosted by magician Criss Angel and outright fraud Uri Geller. You already know who Criss Angel is. He’s the guy on A&E who looks like a roadie who defected to Motley Crue from Bon Jovi. He’s greasy, he’s blingy, and he seems perfectly comfortable describing himself as a “mindfreak”. Other than that, I’ve got no bones to pick with him.

Image ©Barry Shainbaum

While many of his stunts are easily explained with audience plants and cranes kept just out of camera frame, a lot of his street magic is pretty impressive. And he readily admits that he’s an illusionist. He doesn’t have supernatural powers, and he can’t really hover above the Luxor casino by simply waving a wand and shouting something in Latin.

Uri Geller, however, is another story. This guy’s a nut. No, he isn’t Sarah Michelle Geller’s long-lost brother. And if he is, she should really try to keep that under wraps. Geller is, instead, a complete phony. He’s a three-trick hack, and he shouldn’t be on television.

Here’s why.

II. The Findings

Uri Geller first rose to fame in the 1970’s as a spoon bender. Those were simpler times—when music lost its soul and cocaine flowed from the pores of every Hollywood starlet. (If you don’t believe me, hop in your time machine and lick a young Blythe Danner’s skin. You’ll be rubbing that stuff in your gums.) Maybe it was the leisure suit fumes or the brain addlement that comes from listening to Donna Summer, but people were really impressed if you claimed to bend spoons with your mind. Why Uri Geller wouldn’t use his telekinetic powers for something more worthwhile—acting as a missile defense shield, for example, or flying around in a cape—is beyond me. But he succeeded in convincing much of the world that this was, in fact, a power. He made some vague claims as to having visions as a child and even hinted that extraterrestrials might have something to do with it. In any case, he had been gifted with the ability to make breakfast a pain in the ass.

He also claimed to be able to stop watches, identify hidden objects, and read people’s minds, but it was the spoon bending that was so inexplicably fascinating. He even got a few scientists on board to claim there was no physical explanation for his so-called powers. Enter James “The Amazing” Randi, world-famous magician and debunker of charlatans. After all, it takes a charlatan to know a charlatan, and Randi recognized Geller’s tricks from the get-go. Johnny Carson was a skeptic as well, so in 1973 he invited Geller on the Tonight Show to demonstrate his amazing abilities. Unbeknownst to Geller, Carson allowed Randi to switch Geller’s spoons with real ones. You know, ones that weren’t pre-bent and that wouldn’t melt like butter between Geller’s fingers. There are no words to describe the exquisite comedy that ensued, so you can just watch it now in this short documentary produced by Randi:

James Randi went on to write a book called The Truth About Uri Geller, which discusses the truth about Uri Geller. After the Tonight Show appearance and Randi’s subsequent outing of his flim-flam, Geller went on the defensive. For years, he tried to sue James Randi for slander and libel—claiming that proving him a fake hurts his reputation and, by extension, his income. Speaking of income, Geller has tried to peddle his lies in numerous ways. He’s tried to sell himself as a psychic geologist—claiming he can find oil for interested companies. He also set up a website, Uri-Geller.com, where he has sold his new age self-help books, crystals, pendants, and other tacky and useless paraphernalia.

III. The Conclusion

A couple of years ago, Geller somehow conned his way into being granted a show on Israeli television. Called The Successor, it was also a reality show where he would supposedly choose a protégé from a panel of contestants who also lied about being able to do things they couldn’t. In one episode, Geller attempted to move the needle of a compass…with his MIND! Unfortunately for him, the cameras captured a small magnet he’d placed on his thumb. When James Randi posted the clip on YouTube, Geller cried foul and threatened to sue for copyright infringement. The only snag was that Geller doesn’t own the copyright to the show. Not only can he not move a compass with his mind, he can’t even move a case through the courts. You can watch the clip in question at the James Randi Educational Foundation website, Randi.org.

So why would NBC put Geller back on the airwaves? He’s a fraud, a crook, and a liar. I think the answer may lie in NBC’s last place position in the network ratings war. Sure they have The Office and Heroes, but when your only other hit show involves sweating fat people who don’t get the horrible irony of the title The Biggest Loser, you’re in trouble. Desperation sets in. The real tragedy here is that as long as he’s getting a steady paycheck, Geller’s desperation can still be put on hold for another few years.

About The Amateur Scientist: Brian Thompson is a professor of amateur science at a major imaginary university. He has been able to read and write for over seventeen years.

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