“I’ve seen enough horror movies to know that any weirdo wearing a mask is never friendly.” - Elizabeth, Friday the 13th

By Viridian
Last season on Smallville: lots of people apparently died, and Clark got an evil twin.

This season opens with the literal bang of an exploding dam, and at least some of the apparently dead people stay apparently dead past the episode’s halfway mark. Fortunately, the cries of hundreds of horrified Chloe fans were heard by the Powers That Be – sorry, wrong show! – and proved to be enough to resurrect her, much like her mysterious glowing tears did for Lois in last season’s finale. Here’s hoping a more coherent explanation of Chloe’s powers will be forthcoming at some point.

This season also opens with a complete rearrangement of the credits, adding former guest star Shawn Ashmore and new addition Laura Vandervoort, but losing Annette O’Toole. Only time will tell whether or not the exchange of Kara for Martha will prove to be a downgrade, though her appearance as Lex’s guardian angel does not bode well, if the not-so-departed Lana Luthor is any indication. Being the focus of Lex’s attentions has never once served a character well, so I can only hope that her initial appearance has not set the tone for the rest of her stay on Smallville.

As far as Lex himself is concerned, I noticed the interesting circularity of having him start this season being pulled from a sinking car by one Kryptonian, when he started his role on the series in much the same position with another. It was a nice nod to Smallville’s beginnings, and perhaps a convenient reset button for Lex, who seems to be following in his father’s footsteps in the sudden reformation department. Only time will tell if it sticks, though this reviewer has honestly never fully bought Lionel’s change of heart as anything other than a way to further his own ends.

Speaking of Luthors, if anyone actually bought Lana’s “death” for even half a second, please stop reading this and award yourself negative five gold stars. Go on, I’ll wait. Anyone? Nah, didn’t think so. As fellow reviewer TrinityVixen and I commented to one another immediately post-episode: the only thing surprising about Lana’s reappearance was that she seemed to be making a very focused effort to stand out as much as possible. Seriously, I know we’re meant to be ignoring Kristin Kreuk’s own part-Asian heritage, here, but if you’re in hiding in China, one surefire way to ensure you don’t blend into the crowds is to slap a hideous platinum-blonde wig on your apparently empty head. Come on, writers; if you want us to believe that Lana is smarter than your average lamppost, you’re going to have to do better than this.

I see I’ve neglected to mention the episode’s title character, Bizarro, thus far. This is mainly because Bizarro is nothing so much as Clark on Red K, plus a few nifty special effects and possibly some voice-editing. I couldn’t tell if Tom Welling was actually lowering his voice or if the effect had been done digitally, though the effect is a bit too Keanu when paired with lines like, “Meteor rocks. Lots of meteor rocks.” (I’m paraphrasing there, but not by much.)

All in all, it is a solid episode, with plenty of special effects (as this series tends to go heavy on the SFX budget for premieres and finales), and nice nods to continuity for those hardcore Superman fans watching. We’re finally explicitly clued in on the fact that sunlight plays a key role in relation to Clark’s superpowers, thanks to the Martian Manhunter popping in every so often to deliver helpful hints and the occasional platitude worthy of Peter Parker’s Uncle Ben. And we’re left with just enough open-ended plot threads to carry us well into the season. If I were grading the episode I’d give it a B+, though Smallville has an amazing tendency to be so stunningly bad at its low points that perhaps I am just easily distracted by all the shiny.

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