“Thank you, but I’d rather die behind the chemical sheds.” - Evey Hammond, V for Vendetta

It’s 8:40 AM and I’m running. Not because there’s a wingnut waving a gun behind me. Not because there’s only one slice of cheesecake left in the fridge. (Is there anything else worth breaking into a run for?).

I’m on my way to a set visit for the new CBS vampire detective drama, Moonlight, in Burbank and last night I got word that the entire schedule was moved back an hour; so instead of landing in Burbank at 11:40AM and having time to pick up the rental, change my clothes and de-zombiefy myself in the ladies room at Bob Hope airport, I will now have twenty minutes to deplane, grab a cab and get to Stage 9 at Warner Bros. Studios.

Typical. It’s my first ever set visit and I’m going to show up late. It’s the District 5 regional marching band competition all over again, except this time I’m not wearing a sequined leotard and organza fluff pinned to my head.

But, when my plane landed in Las Vegas at 8:37, the Southwest flight attendant said there was an 8:45AM flight at gate C18 and if I hurry, I might catch it, so I’m running.

“Can I switch my ticket for this flight?” I wheeze to the desk girl. “I need to get to Burbank earlier.”

” No,” she said, backing away a bit as she asked herself if a five footer nerd with glasses could possibly be a terrorist. “They already closed the door.”

“OK. Do you have any cheesecake?”

---

Moonlight wasn’t a show I was particularly excited about, not because I had read bad things about the pilot, but because it looked like one of those Silhouette Nocturne paranormal romance books come to life.But, I dig vampires and the Moonlight gang doesn’t look like your average brooding goth vampires in Edwardian leatherette. I get so sick of the eyeliner and flashbacks to the 18th century.

After seeing a few things online and then a preview of the first episode the night before, I think Moonlight has a real chance. Now, I’ve just got to get to the studio.

Warner Bros Studios, Gate 3 off Barham! Do you know where that is?” I ask the cabbie, speaking much faster than is really necessary or practical, especially considering this guy sounds like he doesn’t speak English very well.

He grunts. There’s not much traffic and I’m feeling pretty good, thinking I might actually get to Stage 9 on time. Until,

“We just passed Gate 3,” I said.

“You say Barham. Barham up here.” He makes a left turn. “You want gate 7 or gate 8?”

“I want gate 3!”

“There is only 7 and 8 here.”

“####!”

SERKIN/Beeth:Sonatas#14('Moonlight'),#8,#23/CBS 6eye/NM

US $2.99 (0 Bid) End Date: Thursday Aug-07-2008 18:02:01 PDT Bid now | Add to watch list

CBS MOONLIGHT PROMOTIONAL CARD ALEX O' LOUGHLIN RARE

US $12.99 End Date: Wednesday Aug-13-2008 20:43:37 PDT Buy It Now for only: US $12.99 Buy it now | Add to watch list

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I’d never been to Warner Bros. Studios before; so many old movies that I love were made here and I would have liked to take a minute to appreciate that. However, at this point I’m almost fifteen minutes late because I was dropped off on the completely wrong side of the lot and am now rushing between gigantic, off-white sound stages with that Flock of Seagulls song stuck in my head.

The visit started out with Jason Dohring, the actor who plays Josef Konstantin, giving the group a tour of the sets: Konstantin’s office, Mick’s loft, Beth’s apartment and her newsroom.You know how they say the camera adds ten pounds? Apparently, it also adds about 500 square feet. Mick’s loft looked huge and airy in the preview screener I saw the night before - the set was really about as big as my dad’s living room, but with a much better decorator.

See, having an ultra-hip abode is kind of a requirement for vampires. Vampirism is sexy and it’s hard to be sexy in a 350 square foot studio apartment with a mustard linoleum floor and no oven. Think about it. Have you seen a sympathetic vampire who wasn’t sexy? If Mick wasn’t sexy, would we sympathize with him when he gives the camera that “I don’t want to be a monster - will anyone ever love me?” look?

I don’t know, Mick. You’re a vampire, but you’ve got that awesome loft. That sounds like a reasonable trade to me.

Is that wrong?

Tomorrow: Jason Dohring gets bombarded with vampire questions and I drink blood at an abandoned hospital in East L.A..

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