I have no idea what to say about Torchwood.
This must be what it’s like to like something. It’s an unsettling feeling for someone who hates so much. And that hate isn’t limited to television, movies and comics. Oh, no. My hate extends to the TV stand, the sofa, the living room lamp. Then Torchwood came along and made me like it.
So, what’s gotten me all a twitter? A couple of things:
1. Torchwood doesn’t connect all the dots for the viewer. There is a lot about Captain Jack Hot Cakes that goes over my head because I didn’t watch Doctor Who, such as the severed hand in the futuristic fish tank and that glowy kiss thing he did with the OrgasmiGas Alien, but I don’t feel lost. I feel like I’m trusted to figure stuff out on my own.
2. It’s mixing science fiction with camp and humor without being stupid and appealing to the lowest common denominator. Flash Gordon is trying to achieve the same thing and failing miserably because some people involved have no respect for the audience, the audience’s intelligence or the source material.
Sure, I don’t know if the people behind Torchwood are any better, but the writing is better, the actors’ timing is better and the direction is better. You can do camp and still appeal to intelligence.
[nms:torchwood,4,0]
3. So far, Torchwood doesn’t seem to be super bogged down in special effects. The Weevil is just a guy in a mask – Gwen even thought that’s what he was in “Everything Changes”. The OrgasmiGas Alien is just a gaseous being whose spaceship looked like a rock. The resurrection glove was obviously left over from a suit of armor. But, it doesn’t look cheap and the effects have been used sparingly and in service to the story. I don’t feel like the effects are used to get my attention or distract me.
4. Captain Jack Hot Cakes. He’s much prettier than I normally like my carriers of Y chromosome, but he’s very dreamy. This is unexpected because I usually like guys that are off in some way and not considered conventionally handsome. Guys like Hugh Laurie (John is sick of my goo-goo eyes whenever House is on), Gary Oldman, Simon Pegg, Willem Defoe, Alan Rickman (but only as the Sheriff of Nottingham and Professor Snape – shut up). So, yeah. Captain Hot Cakes is a weird deviation from that.
OK, I did have one small issue with “Day One”. The OrgasmiGas Alien reminded me of the awful British movie Penetration Angst in which this girl’s nethers swallowed up men at the point of orgasm. They didn’t leave dust behind like OrgasmiGas Alien, but the guys disappearing at the point of climax and the flailing girl with the killer cookie were very familiar.
God, I really wish I could take back the brain space that movie is occupying.
I need more space for Captain Jack Hot Cakes.
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Lisa Fary's earliest influences are Princess Leia, Rainbow Bright, Astronaut Barbie, and her 6th grade teacher, Ms. Palmer. She's angry that it's 2011 and she still doesn't have a hovercraft, but will accept a jetpack as consolation. That jetpack had better be pink with a rhinestone monogram. 
I think it’s the suspenders. That or he’s like your hot cousin that you don’t want to think is hot, since you’re related and all, but he’s just so effortlessly charming and by far the best looking member of your family, and feeling kinda dirty about his hotness is the only way to make it through family gatherings without chewing your own knuckles off.
No, I think it’s the suspenders.
I’m glad I’m not the only one who thought of Angst while watching this…I too wish that I could have those hours back…what’s even more maddening is most of the reviews I find for it are positive *headdesk*